Post # 1
I LOVE my future Mother-In-Law. She is the grandmother of my son, and we have a great relationship even though we are so very different. But last year when I started planning the wedding, she said something I still cannot get over.
My dad has not had a big part in my life, and we talk once every three to six months now that I am older. My mom was still supporting me and my son while I was finishing up school. Mother-In-Law says, “Your family needs to step up and pay for the wedding instead of my son doing it.” Three days later, we talked about the cost of the wedding again. I said, “did you know it is customary for the groom’s family to pay for the honeymoon?” I wasn’t suggesting she do it, I was just expressing that it’s not only the bride’s side that should help. She said, “Well, we could string up some lights in the basement for ya. That’s about all we could do.” I was shocked. After hearing her say my parents should pay for our wedding and becoming upset when I said they would do what they could do (about 1,000) and then say flat out no to her paying anything was crazy to me.
Has anyone else had a conversation like this? I can’t talk to Fiance about it because he and his mother share a very close bond. I just do not want to put the stress on him.
Post # 3
Let it go. Harboring resentment over a comment made sometime last year will never have a positive outcome.
Post # 4
Ignore her. She’s being mean. My Mother-In-Law makes all sorts of comments about the fact that my family is paying for the wedding (“Oh, your family must have so much extra money.”) and I just chalk it up to her feeling insecure that she can’t help more.
Post # 5
I don’t understand why you would be discussing one families finances with the other. Neither needs to know how much the other is contributing. We were very careful to not tell either how much was given or even how much we paid for. That is just asking for resentment. Each family should give what they are comfortable with (even if that is nothing).
Her comments however are out of line but I would just ignore them and change the subject. Money is always a touchy subject.
Post # 5
I live with my fiancé’s parents and she got mad at us for taking my mother out to eat for Mother’s Day AFTER asking her if she would like us to take her out to eat. She also makes it a point to point out everything Fiance does for me and say how she’s gonna miss him doing that for her when we’re married. She also comes into our room at all hours of the day and night when she “needs” things and criticizes my ironing, cooking and cleaning. I getcha! Oh how I long for the day we move out and I don’t have to see her everyday!