Post # 1
I’m the first in my circle of friends to get engaged and on the younger side, and I’m lucky that most of my friends and family have been excited for me, but some people just make the weirdest comments!
One girl in particular goes on and on to me about how “annoyed” she is with people pressuring her to get engaged to her BF and she isn’t ready. This is weird to me because they’ve been dating a couple of years and are both 23, and I doubt that many people would really be putting tons of pressure on them to get engaged right away, but she talks about weddings ALL THE TIME.
At first I was excited she would ask me about my wedding because I thought she was being supportive, but when I made the rookie mistake of answering her detailed questions she’d follow up with competitive comments about what HER wedding was going to be like.
She’d say things like:
“Well my BF knows he shouldn’t propose to me yet because I don’t want a stone less than 3ct”
“Have you found your dress? At MY wedding I’m going to wear an Elie Saab haute couture dress!”
I don’t think she realizes that a 3ct diamond is going to cost like $40,000 and Elie Saab haute couture gowns are $25,000! Believe me, I would love to have those things and they are great for those who can afford them, but we’re just normal people, and just starting out in life! I think she just doesn’t know what’s normal.
Does anyone else have younger or not yet engaged friends who make crazy comments about weddings because they don’t really know what they’re talking about?
Post # 3
People will say a lot of stupid things to you – single or not. Now that I’m married people make comments about “not getting the milk for free anymore.” d
Your friend surely has ideas about what she will have but when reality hits…she’ll face reality! Maybe she’ll have a 3ct moissanite ring and a David’s Bridal gown…just ignore her. She’ll grow up one day. In reality, she is probably trying to find a way to connect with you in conversation and show empathy/kinship/connections and doing so in a very awkward way.
Post # 4
@PromiseRooster: Are you sure you haven’t made any comments that can be interpreted as you rubbing your engagement in her face? I knew a girl who was projecting some type of relationship insecurity on every attached but unengaged friend and thought everyone was jealous of her (they weren’t). Maybe she is supportive and happy for you, just not in a warm fuzzies kindof way. Before I was engaged, one of the main reasons we were waiting was so that we could afford my 2.5 ct diamond-I never said anything about it, but it wouldn’t have been out of the question for me to.
Or maybe since she’s not engaged, the only way she can relate is by talking about her future dream wedding.
Perhaps she also thinks you are making a mistake and is trying to subtly let you know.
Bottom line is that I think you’re reading way too much into this.
Post # 5
I have a friend who already married, as i am to. We are having our ceremony later this year. She just turned into a different person so i dropped her, she was my bestfriend
Post # 6
Wow, your friend sounds super annoying.
I didn’t get married young so I didn’t deal with this, but I could imagine that when most people haven’t actually hosted a wedding they’d have some really unrealistic expectations. Like back when you were in highschool and you figured that you’d retire at 30 or something.
Post # 7
Haha, this is my sister. My little sister does this ALL THE TIME. She and her boyfriend have been together for 5 years and she found it odd that my fiance and I had been together only for 8 months before he proposed.
She’s been making all kinds of snide little things ever since, but I know she’s excited for me, but just a lot more excited for her own when it happens.
And mine blatantly states that her ring better be more that $20,000.
Post # 8
@PromiseRooster: Not weird competitive comments like that (honestly just makes your friend sound shallow and in it for the wedding/ring over the marriage) but I do get annoying comments as far as “oh your doing THAT no no do this instead” from people who have not planned a wedding. Its kind of like oh okay thanks for that….FSIL and FBIL got engaged a month after us but have yet to set a date and she constantly says jdugy things even though she has yet to plan a single detail. For instance she told us no one likes edible favors (we are doing philly pretzels for $50 for 100 pretzels plus dipping sauces) and everyone wants a keepsake with your name and the date on it (she wants $300 of wine glasses)…judging by SEVERAL posts here that is not true. I am all for do what works best for you but to say your ideas are better than someones drives me crazy. If she wants wine glasses with names and dates thats cool but that doesnt make our edible favors any less awesome to us
Post # 9
@PromiseRooster: I have one friend who gets to me like this in particular. She and I were both with our SO’s for a while, but mine proposed first (they had been together longer, though). My FI is a few years older than the rest of us and had been in the working world for a bit longer, so he had the means and decided to propose. She got really weird after that. Now all I hear from her is competitive wedding bullshit. She asked me where we are going for our honeymoon and telling me that they have plans to go to Switzerland. Oh, and they are getting married the week after me. And when she saw my engagement ring (which is not small by any means), she asked if I would be getting a wedding band to make it look bigger. She proceeded to tell me about how he must propose in a certain way and that he better drop at least 10k on the ring.
You are not alone, friend. People get jealous/get opinionated/get judge-y
Post # 10
@JackiBean: MINE TOO! Mine is older than me and has only been with her boyfriend for about a year. She constantly makes “Well at my wedding….” or “I’m not doing this traditional crap you are at my wedding….” remarks. UM – you’re not even engaged!!!!!
Post # 11
@antisocialite: OMG I can’t believe people say that to you! Something else to look forward to 😉
I do think you’re right that she’s trying to connect/relate, it’s just that she’s such a competitive person it comes across as hilariously tone-deaf
@VivienMarcheline: Nah, she’s just an incredibly competitive person in general (grades, school, diets, boyfriends, everything). So I would say it’s more the other way around re: the rubbing in– she knows a few people disapproved of my engagement (I’m sure she’s one of them) and I think that’s the motivation behind the “everyone says we’re the perfect couple and is putting SO much pressure on us to get engaged!” comments…so in that case you’re certainly right re: her thinking I’m making a mistake! I don’t think anyone is jealous of me.
We aren’t super close and don’t talk very often since moving to different cities, she just contacts me out of the blue to ask about my wedding, and then makes competitive comments. It isn’t something I take seriously, I just think it’s funny and wonder if other people get the same stuff!
@cbgg: I totally feel you, that’s probably it. The ideas I had about my career when I was in high school make me wanna cry now!
Post # 12
@soontobewithhim: Yeah, we haven’t been close since I’ve been engaged and this is a big part of why.
@JackiBean: I’ve always wanted a sister, but yikes! Comments like this coming from someone I’m close with might actually hurt instead of being sort of hilarious.
@DuckEBee: Isn’t it freaking weird? I don’t think she’s jealous necessarily (although your friend sure sounds jealous!) but really competitive, and tends to think her way is the only right way to do anything. It’s like…good for you?
@excitedtobeMRSF: Yes, I think telling someone how to have their wedding, totally unsolicited, is so weird! But apparently it’s quite common!
Post # 13
@PromiseRooster: Lol I’m sure.
I priced an Elie Saab in Paris (Katy Perry’s dress) and it started at 45K.
So this bitch wants 3 carats and an ES dress? I hope she’s a professional gold digger.
Post # 14
FBIL “gf” did that and stillll does. Was so anti ring and wedding but as soon as I got my upgrade, she ran out and bought a carat solitaire( mine is outdated according to her and it is quad cut) and I found out via FB they were “engaged” . She even started her planning process during the middle of mine and set a date one month right before ours… Took it to the point as to almost buy a dress just like my bridesmaids too. I literally was so stressed out I pushed mine back. Since then no wedding for them and admitted to me she did it bc she was jealous of us. Oy vey! Anyways. focus on what you and your FI have. Not others:) Haters gonna hate lol! Jk jk But for real. I am sure you will be stunning and your ring /dress will be too!!
Post # 15
@skippydarling: ….yeah she’s not, she and her guy are normal people like us. But she does like to brag about how much money his fam has so hey, you never know!
Post # 16
I would have such a hard time not snorting at her plans of a 3+ carat ring and crazy expensive dress. I would be slightly annoyed, too.