(Closed) Creating guest list question: rules and such

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

We are inviting some who will not come. Our parents get no say on the guest list. The awesomeness of doing all the wedding planning/paying on your own. The guest list is on the DL show up and you see who accepted cause we’re not telling.

Post # 4
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

B (or C or D) lists are rude. Guests should receive their invitations at the same time. There are no classes of guests. Yes, send invites to those who can’t come that you want there, especially if you’ve already indicated in some way they’re invited (eg sending a STD). Plans change and its curteous. For our own purposes we’ve put predictions on whether or not someone will come to gauge our count, but we’d be thrilled if all of them came…

If parents are contributing they get a say in the guest list.

And one final “rule” — do not break up couples. Anyone with an SO gets invited with an SO. Period.

Post # 5
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Our venue had different packages, either 30, 70 or 90 guests. We went with 70 and stuck with it. We made a list of who we really wanted there and then made a list for the evening do (which we do in the UK) and when anyone dropped out of the whole day, we bumped someone up from the evening do to the whole day. It worked out perfectly

Post # 6
Member
3778 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I did not do an A, B, C list. I think it’s a bit rude to “classify” guests. If they mean enough to be invited, then you invite them, period.

 

I invited everyone’s entire families (mom, dad, and all kids). I invited all singles with a plus one.

 

I invited everyone that I would love to be there, regardless if I “know” they won’t come or not. Some people might surprise me.

Post # 7
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

#1 Sit down with your FH and make a complete list of people you feel like you must invite.  Make a second list of people you would like to invite if there is space.

#2 Ask your parents for similar lists.

#3 Review the lists and figure out if it’s a reasonable number.  If not, my first rule was always to toss out anybody that you and your FH don’t know.  Then toss out anybody you haven’t seen or talked to in more than 1 year.  *Grant each set of parents 10-20 seats for people you don’t know and don’t budge (unless they’re paying and then they can add as many as they want to pay for.)

#4 Book your venue.  Re-review your must invite list to see where you need to make cuts or can add in additional would like to invite guests.

Post # 8
Hostess
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@futuremrsmendez:  

 

I’m having an intimitate destination wedding. Here are my guest list “rules” I think everyone should follow but no one does! They are so simple, but they will cut out a TON of people

 

Guest list criteria:

 

1. You have to at least met both me and my Fiance.  This rules out great-aunts, random cousins, casual co-workers, etc.  If you haven’t met both of us, you are not coming to our wedding. I feel I shouldn’t have to introduce myself to you at my own wedding.  Hi, I’m the bride…who are you??

2. I have to have seen you in the last year.  This rules out “friends” who will not be lifers.

 

3. I have to be comfortable enough to speak on the phone with you.  This rules out old college friends who have become acquaintances and only communicate through e-mail and facebook.

 

 

 

That’s it! Pretty simple but they can slim that list pretty quick!

 

Post # 9
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@futuremrsmendez:  We are using the “know they’ll come” and “probably wont/cant but should still send an invite” format. We are doing a small destination wedding.

 

It probably will only about 15-20 people, and I have every intention of enforcing “no kids”, which I don’t think will be hard seeing as how it’s not exactly a big secret that I dont like them. With that small head count in mind, I really don’t mind sending out extra invites to people that I know wont/cant come but will raise hell if they don’t get one in the mail.

Post # 11
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@futuremrsmendez:  I disagree with some posters. We did do an “A” and “B” list of people we REALLY want there and then people we would love to have, if we have space. If we start getting no’s on our A list we will invite some others from the B list. We did it this was as we are at our max capacity for our venue with guests, so no, we can not just invite everyone as not everyone will fit.

Post # 12
Member
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@futuremrsmendez:  and my only “rule” was this..

If I am walking down the street, and do not recognize you, you are not coming to my wedding. Kiss

Post # 14
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@futuremrsmendez:  The key is to take mom’s list while telling her that you will take it into consideration but friends and family of the bride and groom get precedence (especially if the bride and groom are footing the bill.)

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