(Closed) Creating guest list question: rules and such

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Lily_of_the_valley:  All of these.

Fiance and I sat down and I typed out the names of the “must haves” (family, bridal party) and then I told him to just list people off. They had to be people we’d physically SEEN recently and talk to regularly. This cut out most of FI’s millions of friends, especially those he wanted to invite because he’d been invited to their weddings. Some of them I didn’t particularly care for or had never even met. FI’s parents are helping out, but they never mentioned the guest list (short of FI’s stepmom asking if we’d planned on inviting her mom and one of her siblings, which we had).

Post # 19
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We have a B list. Our venue holds 100 people and our invitee list was 95% family. Now that some family members are unable to attend there are co-workers and friends I would have liked to invite initially that we now have physical space for. I don’t think having a B list is rude. If your venue has space limitations they are going to happen sometimes automatically.

Post # 20
9095 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I invited everyone my husband, parents and in-laws wanted. I invited people who I knew would not come. I invited people I have never met, or my husband has never met. My Father-In-Law requested it and I accomodated. They were people he wanted there.

I think having “priority lists” is a shame. How would you feel if you were on somebody’s “C” list? Probably pretty crappy.

Post # 21
7310 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

We knew that we wanted a small wedding from the get-go, so our cutoff was anyone that we didn’t hang out with on the regular, if they were local, and only our very best non-local friends. So everyone at our wedding was either immediate family (grandparent, parent, sibling, neice/nephew, and our own child level “immediate family”) or our very best friends. No aunts and uncles, no parental friends, no casual acquaintances. Our wedding was too precious of a thing for us to share it with people who we were not particularly close to.

Post # 22
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@futuremrsmendez:  we have ceremony list, and reception lists. ceremoney is invited to everything. reception is reception/dance only.


I created them based on closeness ot my Future husband and I.

Post # 23
253 posts
Helper bee

I think a A,B,C list is a good thing. It helps you prioritize things. Maybe even a D list. It depends on certain things. Do you and you Fiance have a lot of mutual friends? If so a D list would come in play ie A list is for family only and wedding party. B list for joint friends, C list for indivial friends of you or your Fiance that are bestfriends/close friends who you hang out with, and D list is regular friends who you text or call once in a while but dont hang out. 


if you have more seperate friends then I would do A-C. A list being family and wedding party only, B list for bestfriends/close friends who you hang out with, and C list is for friends you talk to on the phone or text but dont hang out with. 

Post # 24
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Fiance and I split the guest list evenly.  For my half of the list, I first invited my immediate family and a few second cousins that I see or talk to regularly.  Then, I invited my close friends that I hang out with often. Then, I had a few obligatory invites – rommates, friends from group where everyone else was invited… We’re having a fairly small wedding so that was my whole list.

I don’t know how proper it is, but we have a B list.  We have a number of people, mainly coworkers, who have invited themselves to our wedding. We put them on the B list.

Post # 25
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We’re limiting our guest list to immediate family (obviously;)), aunts/uncles, our closest friends and giving some invites to our parents so that they can invite some of their good friends as well. My aunts and uncles will be travelling across the country to attend, and we’ve known for years that they will be guaranteed RSVPs. My FI’s family will also all be attending since they live locally. Our friends will all RSVP as well, especially since we’re inviting our best and closest friends (ie. inviting our true and life-long friends rather than work/casual friends). Our parents are also inviting their close friends, and so we are pretty sure that almost all of them will be coming as well.

So because of that, we won’t be needing backup lists since in our situation it just works out that nearly all of the people we will be inviting will be attending.

You’d think this would help eliminate some guest list drama, but my Fiance and I have been getting the feeling lately that it won’t. But we’ll be strong;)

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