(Closed) Creating wedding vows or Have Officiator be "a little different"

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

We wrote our own vows (one set that we both used). I read a lot of different vows others had written and used that as inspiration. We also kept it short, no longer than the traditional vows. I think our vows were about 200 words total. We got a lot of compliments on our vows afterward.

ETA: These were our vows – I promise to choose you every day, to love you in word and deed, to do the hard work of making now into always. To remember that neither one of us is perfect but to strive to remind myself of the ways we are perfect for each other. I will laugh with you in times of joy, and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen to you with compassion and understanding, and speak to you with encouragement. I will be faithful to you and honest with you; I will respect, trust, help, and care for you; I will share my life with you; I will forgive you as we have been forgiven; and with you I will try to better understand ourselves, the world, and God; through the best and worst of what is to come. And with this ring, I give you my heart, My promise that I will walk with you hand in hand wherever our journey leads us.

We tried really hard to avoid what a poster below mentioned about self-written vows not actually being vows a lot of the time.

Post # 3
Member
2059 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

we did not write our own vows and at the weddings i’ve been to where the couple wrote their own vows, they weren’t even actual vows. they always end up sounding more like a love letter or a re-telling of their journey as a couple or they were just silly vows (“i promise to take out the trash and make you eat your vegetables”). that’s all very nice and sweet, but if you want to personalize your vows i think they should evoke the essence of traditional vows.

Post # 4
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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Imsouldeep1989 :  I was at a wedding earlier this summer where The officiant met with the bride and groom separately a week or so before, and asked them a few questionts. He asked each of them what they admire about the other, and he asked them what their most memorable date was.. and the officiant recited their answers and tied them into the vows and message. I thought it was really unique and sweet. 

Post # 5
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

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futuremrss17 :  Our officiant did that too! He had us both fill out a list of questions about our relationship and how we felt about each other and worked it into the ceremony. It was really great!

Post # 6
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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hikingbride :  We are thinking about asking our officiant if he can do something along those lines too. We thought it was really neat!

Post # 7
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

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futuremrss17 :  I would 100% suggest asking your officiant about it! It really personalized the ceremony.

Post # 11
Member
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

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Imsouldeep1989 :  No, he read them to me and then I read them to him. The same way you would with traditional vows. Some people each individually write thier own vows to read to each other but we wanted our vows to match.

Post # 12
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I am definitely on the side of writing your own vows. It makes the ceremony so much more personal and special, instead of making the same promises the majority of married people make to each other. Then again, I’m a writer, so it makes sense to me lol.

My husband and I each wrote our own vows. Together we decided that they would be 150-170 words, they would follow the same basic format with each line starting with, “I promise…”, and that we would end with the same line: “I promise to love you forever and always.” We also later on decided to each add one not so serious line. Mine was promising to let him win at mini golf sometimes because I always win and his was promising to always buy me chocolate haha.

Our officiant loved that we chose to wrote our own vows. During the ceremony, he said something about how much more meaningful it is that our vows are specialized for our relationship, not generic at all.

ETA: We did not read each other’s vows beforehand, so the ceremony was that much more emotional. We were both crying almost the entire time, but afterwards everyone said how sweet it was, and we have no regrets.

Post # 13
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee

We wrote our own vows and it was the best. Also our friend married us while a chaplin we paid watched the ceremony. 

The friend we asked is one of the most wise and loving people we know and it was just amazing. Having someone we know officiate made it personal and comfortable. Also we’re not at all religious but she added in some spirituality that was perfect.

We didn’t show eachother our vows and both ended up writing out about half a page. really just promises to each other. It was the best thing I’ve ever experience thus far! 🙂 

Post # 14
Member
8674 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

our officiant gave us a really useful sheet of questions.. it was like 40 questions she said don’t answer them all, just the ones that spark an “aha” moment.  They were things like “when did you first know you loved them?” “what do you want to promise them, in front of your friends and family?” “what do you love most about them?” etc…

5 or 6 of the questinos really spoke to me, and got me going.. same with DH, our vows were each 300-400 words (our actual ceremony was super short, we spoke as much as the officiant did, so hopefully people weren’t too bored)

Post # 15
Member
7935 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

we wrote our own vows.  we kept them to a minute tops, i think people get bored after that.

personal vows are my DH’s favorite part of weddings. he always tells me how special it makes the ceremony.

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