Post # 1
Just received the most lovely proposal – on Remembrance Day! I was taken completely by surprised, I wouldn’t have expected it at all. We were in the midst of our annual tradition of visiting with my grandpa to help commemorate the day.
He presented me with a gorgeous diamond solitaire. Very pretty, very elegant.
Now, this is the crummy part —- I had done more than just hint that I wanted a sapphire. He knew it fully as I let him know many times – I wanted a sapphire and white gold — any setting would do. I didn’t say anything at first, but by the end of the proposal day I couldn’t hide from him that something was on my mind (I kept thinking – why didn’t he get the sapphire?).
He said he started looking at sapphires but was quickly talked out of it by the salespeople – and his mother!
I can’t help being angry – at him for being so easily swayed, and for putting his mother’s opinions above mine. And at his mother for somehow thinking that what she thought I should get was better than what I actually wanted.
At first he said it wasn’t a big deal, that we could just work on a plan to switch it out — but then he found out that, because the ring is custom, that he cannot return it.
So, unless I put my foot down and demand another ring (Which seems greedy and bratty), then I need to emotionally reconcile myself with this ring. (and stop thinking that I have the ring his mother wants instead of me).
But….I want to get over all that and move forward and not lose sight of what is really important.
…..maybe someone has creative solutions for me? The jewelrey store has not been helpful, but maybe someone here can be!
Post # 3
Congratulations on your engagement!!!
I am sorry that his mother interfered and that the sales people were so pushy.
I suggest that instead of exchanging the ring and/or getting new one that you get a diamond and sapphire wedding band or wrap. I think that would be the best of both worlds.
Post # 4
Thank you for your kind words.
THat is a really good idea and I may go in that direction. I need to get over the “not wanting a diamond” part first though, I guess. Since wanting a sapphire was also wrapped in not wanting a diamond (I love them, just feel the pushiness of the industry irritates me) – and lo and behold here I am!
He is a lovely man and probably feeling foolish now. I think we’re both hurt.
Post # 5
My mom has a gorgeous sapphire anniversary band, that looks like a wedding band, and you could definitely wear it with the right e-ring. It’s princess cut sapphires with pave diamonds above and below the sapphires. Gorgeous!
Post # 6
To echo phxbride87, remember that your engagement ring is only the FIRST ring that you’ll probably receive in a marriage–not the last. 1/2 of my friends–that’s right, 1/2–don’t even wear theirs on a regular basis after being marriage (granted, most of them have jobs that make wearing a big rock cumbersome…but just so you know, it’s not like the e-ring gets stapled to your finger). I don’t wear mine everyday.
I suggest that you accept the e-ring for what it is–a beautiful diamond–and look at wedding bands that have sapphires in them. Then discuss with your FI/DH getting a sapphire for something like your first anniversary, first child, first job promotion etc. You can also add sidestones to your e-ring for your 5-10 year annivesary. I wanted a pearl engagement ring and got a diamond, so we agreed that the next piece of significant jewelry would be a pearl ring.
I have two wedding rings (I couldn’t decide between two) and one engagement ring and I switch them around in a bunch of permutations between my left and right ring fingers–our rule is that at least one of the three has to be on my left hand. It’s not a solution for everyone, but I’m kind of a mercurial girl when it comes to jewelry and appreciate the flexibility.
Post # 7
Sorry if I didn’t understand your post fully…I know you said that the store told him you couldn’t RETURN the ring…but could you switch the diamond out for a sapphire? Or possibly add some sapphires around the diamond setting?
I would also try checking out other jewlers (especially private ones, instead of the chain companies), ’cause it sure sounds like the store he was at is full of pushy, unhelpful salespeople. In any case, DEFINATELY don’t buy your wedding bands there!
I would be mad at his mother, too. : / But there’s not much you can do about it. Maybe mention that you appreciate that she wants to make sure that you like your ring, and that you’re happy she’s excited about the proposal & upcoming marriage, but that you had expressly told your FH that you wanted a sapphire, not a diamond, if you REALLY feel like you need to address it.
(And congrats on the engagement!)
Post # 8
@JennyW1: Good point! : )
Post # 9
@JennyW1: Ditto what you said!
Also, most jewelery stores have an upgrade policy and I don’t see why they wouldn’t work with you on getting a sapphire instead of a diamond. Is it the gem or the setting that they say they can’t return?
Post # 10
@Treasure43: The problem with that is exchanging the diamond for a sapphire wouldn’t be considered an “upgrade” by the jeweler because it would be of less value. Many jewelers even have a specific percentage of either price increase or clarity/color increase (in the case of a diamond to a diamond) that an upgrade must meet to qualify. :/
OP, I’m sorry you’re feeling frustrated! But I just wanted to also point out that I think you may be reading into his decision a little more than you shoud be. I really don’t think he values his mother’s opinion over your own, or that he didn’t think your choice was important enough to not let the salesmen sway him, but rather, those people may have pointed out to him what some people consider to be disadvantages of having an “alternative” to a diamond that could have genuinely caused him to change his decision on his own.
For example, lots of girls have gorgeous non-diamond e-rings, but they do sometimes get frustrated with unsolicited remarks from both strangers and friends/family questioning whether or not it’s actually an e-ring, or rude comments about the amount of money spent, or that you can “upgrade” later, etc. There can be drawbacks, and your Fiance was probably just trying to do what he thought you would most be happy with in the long run.
Anyway, I think going with a sapphire wedding band is a great idea!! That would be a really beautiful combination. I hope you feel better about your ring situation soon. 🙂
Post # 11
Thank you so much for your lovely comments and ideas.
Sometime yesterday afternoon the whole negativity just “lifted” and I felt excited about the ring he gave me, gave over to it all and passed on my regret of not receiving what I had hoped / expected. And stopped being angry and just starting feeling compassion for him and joy for the occasion.
It DEFINITELY helped to read these thoughtful responses that were totally non-judgemental.
It helped for me to get it out and complain, and then to move on. I didn’t want to be that person but there I was being that person!
I am So over it now! I love the ring I was given and happily told him so and apologized for being a brat.
Post # 12
@incapable: Glad that everything worked out for you! : ) Enjoy your engagement!