Post # 1
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
Hello fellow bees!
Another friend and I have been chatting about ways to ask for money as a wedding gift, without being tacky! I don’t want to be rude either… but I’ve seen it done a couple ways that I’m not partricularly fond of.
Example 1:
At the bottom of the wedding invitation, there was a line that read “No boxed gifts please.”
Example 2:
An insert within the wedding invitation that had a poem, which read:
“On the road to married life, we’ve collected many things to be husband and wife
The honeymoon however is another thing we had to choose between it and the wedding rings
A donation to our wishing well would be appreciated in every way as it will help send us on a romantic getaway”.
What are some ways that you have seen couple’s ask for money as a wedding gift?
Any ideas you might have?
Anything will help, and thank you all in advance!
Post # 2
Member
7425 posts
Busy Beekeeper
There’s no way to do it without being rude/tacky.
Post # 3
Member
2563 posts
Sugar bee
The only thing that is not tacky or rude is to simply not have a gift registry.
Post # 4
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Cory_loves_this_girl: pixiecat: This.
And that poem….. just no.
Post # 5
Member
47429 posts
Honey Beekeeper
lauren2on:
There is no creative POLITE way to ask for money.
There is no creative POLITE way to ask for gifts of any sort.
You simply don’t ask for gifts on a wedding invitation.
It has become acceptable to indicate where a couple is registered, on a shower invitation, becuase it is clear that showers are all about giving gifts.
If you don’t want physical gifts, don’t register anywhere for anything. Your guests will get the message. If anyone calls or asks, you can say that you have the basics but are saving for ____. They will get that message too.
Post # 6
Member
4235 posts
Honey bee
You should definitely do a cutesy poem, or even have a wishing well at your reception where people can just drop off money. They actually have specific wishing well poems so you could combine both ideas. I would definitely insert it into your invites AND mention it on your website so no one gets confused and actually buys you a toaster.
Post # 7
Member
1305 posts
Bumble bee
It depends on your culture, but there’s really no way to do it without being tacky as this means you are instructing the guests on how to spend their money to GIVE to you.
The best way to avoid gifts is to have a very small registry or no registry at all. I would tell your immediate circle (bridal party, parents) that you do not wish to have boxed gifts, as chances are folks will ask them.
It’s a bit odd to ASK for money. You should just simply not ask for gifts. You do this by staying silent. A wedding is not a money making or gift grabbing event, so you really need to not say anything.
I would also recommend not having a bridal shower.
Think of it as the same etiquette you would use for a christmas gift. My relatives ask me for a “list” of what I would want. I personally find it a bit silly as I’m an adult, but I do provide one as they do ask for it. To me, this is the concept of the registry. If there are only a few things I truly want, that’s all I put on there. More times than not I will receive a cash/gift card. I can’t imagine asking anyone for cash straight up (even with a cutesy poem), unless it’s a parent who is providing me financial support.
-
This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by
doglover89.
Post # 8
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
There isn’t really a way to do it. We are getting married in October and have everything we need but have put off buying a new couch, dining table and some other big ticket items in an effort to save money for the wedding. We have created a fairly small registry for those who wish to give a gift that way and our bridal party and moms are telling people that there’s a small registry because we have most of what we need, we don’t have a lot of space, but we do really need a new couch and dining table. They are only telling people this if they ask. You shouldn’t include any mention of gifts at all in your wedding invites. Shower invites and wedding website are ok though.
Post # 9
Member
1270 posts
Bumble bee
Uh, like 99.9% of the time it is tacky. My friend is putting on her wedding website that they have an account set up for helping to pay for repairs to the home they just bought, but they also have a registry so people can give whatever they want. I don’t know if that is considered tacky or not.
Post # 10
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
Don’t ask for anything and you’ll get your money.
Post # 11
Member
299 posts
Helper bee
FutureMrsLeBlanc: Thank you… similar sitution here, although my wedding isn’t until October of 2016. I’ve been reading alot of wedding blogs and it’s definitely a no no and improper etiquette to include anything along these lines within the actual invitation. BUT I have read/heard that “word of mouth” or a small mention on your wedding website is the best way to go.
It’s just scary NOT to have a registry and get random gifts that won’t be used. But we’ll see what other people come up with!
I appreciate your input, thank you!!
Post # 12
Member
1165 posts
Bumble bee
Our culture, money giving is a given. You don’t even have to say it, people will give you money. Aunts and uncles, mom’s coworkers and friend, FMIL’s family—-EVERYONE. That’s what we grow up with, that’s what’s going to happen no matter what you say or how you politely decline. My cousin did not want money at all because she’s trying to go easy on the guests and felt bad–she got boatloads of money that honestly paid for 1/2 her wedding. It’s just the way it is and the more you fight it, the ruder you get in the eyes of your own people.
I asked my mom about this and she replied, “Hmph, what you think you so rich you cannot accept my money no more?”
Yup that ended that conversation. So my Future Mother-In-Law and my mom just told me to go with the flow. Dont’ mention it on invitations because, honestly, people won’t even READ that part. They will go to the event with cash anyway.
But this is my personal opinion:
I would go in my wedding expecting only one thing: getting married. I am not having a wedding to get gifts, I am not having a wedding to get cash. I am having a wedding to celebrate with my loved ones, close friends, the union with my spouse.
Once you’re in that mindset, you eliminate a NEEDLESS worry about gifts and money.
Post # 13
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
I hate the cute poems – either say it like it is, or don’t say it at all…!!! Amongst my friends it had been incredibly normal to ask for money, everyone these days lives together before they marry, so the toasters etc are out of the window.
We’ve decided to go with:
Gifts
Your presence at our wedding is gift enough, but if you do wish to buy us something, a contribution towards our dream honeymoon in the Indian Ocean would be appreciated, details can be found on our website.
Post # 14
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
lauren2on: I have to agree with PP–there really is
no way of asking for money w/o being tacky or rude. From weddings I’ve attended in the past when the couple does not specify a registry, we’ve just given money. Good luck!
Post # 15
Member
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
Check out honeyfund.com You can make a registry for your honeymoon and have a link to it on your wedding website.