Post # 46
My wedding is next summer. We will not be doing a restigery and will have information on the website regarding gift cards and monetary gifts to help us prepare for our future home. Some may think its tacky but the purpose of gifting at a wedding is to help the new couple start their life together. I’ve been living with my fiance for 2 years. We do not need toasters, kitchen appliances, towels, etc . However, monetary gifts or gift cards would be helpful for our future. I do agree it is not appropriate to put it on the invitation. It will be included on our website.
Post # 47
Oh gosh, you’re just going to run into tackiness on all levels with money as a wedding gift. There’s really no non-tacky way to ask for it, and when you receive it you will also experience how tacky others can be.
Coming from a culture where money is given as a wedding gift, I have grown up with elders gossiping “So and so was so rude, they only gave $100 for the entire family! We gave them $100 per person when their daughter got married so they could break even on paying for the wedding!”
Money is a sensitive topic, people will be rubbed the wrong way. You may be rubbed the wrong way when you receive and see the monetary amounts people will give you. As long as you’re prepared for this, then I think we’re in a progressive enough age that people will get over it. Just don’t forget to include a heartfelt little message of why you would appreciate/need a monetary donation. And please, do not simply just have a paypal option on your wedding website. Fi and I recently attended a wedding where this was done. As much as we love the couple and understand their financial needs, it just rubs off as really impersonal.
Post # 48
- Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman
Just don’t register, and if people ask let them know you are saving up for a honeymoon or whatever, and they will get the hint. You can’t force people to give cash, if some people want to bring a gift that’s their prerogative.
Post # 49
We are using Deposit a Gift as our wedding registry. If you have big ticket items you are trying to save up for multiple people can contribute. This way they can see what they getting you almost like a gift card situation. Our’s is set up for our remodeling fund for our house.
Post # 50
The only way to do it, I have found, is not to mention it at all and not have a registry. When people asked our families “where did they register?” the response was “they decided not to.” and people got the hint. You can’t mention it at all though…. money talk + wedding = tacky….
Post # 51
Cory_loves_this_girl: Disagree! You can definitely do it without being rude or tacky.
Post # 52
amrx2015: Care to share an example?
My plan was to just not register, but apparently that was very confusing for the older people my Dad knew? So, we ended up putting together one registry with about 10 items on it for people who wanted to give a gift. Even though money is great, I recognize that the gift giver is in control (as they should be) and requesting money is rude and in poor taste.
I don’t even like honeyfunds as they’re just a disguised method for requesting money. A previous poster had people thinking they were buying a fun excursion or night at a hotel when it had all been paid for already. To me that’s dishonest.
Post # 53
No honeymoon fund
Don’t ask for money in anyway
Just don’t register people will get the idea.
Post # 54
Just wait until people ask and then say ‘we’re not registering but would appreciate any monetary gifts towards _____’
Please don’t say ‘we decided not to register and aren’t asking for anything’ and expect people to take the hint. One wedding I went to somebody said that and quite a few of us took them at their word and took a card. Because it’s expected that people would just politely ask, I then found out from the Bee years later that this was a huge faux pas and I (along with other guests) should have realised it was a request for money.
Maybe it’s a British thing, but I’d much rather a couple politely expressed their preference than expect me to read their mind.
Post # 55
This is a pretty polarizing subject on the Bee. No, there is no polite way to ask for cash. There are some circles where it is accepted, but it is never polite. We had a very full registry and received MAYBE 5 boxed gifts at our wedding. Everyone else gave cash/gift cards. So if you have no registry at all, people will get the message.
Post # 56
We never asked for any cash gifts, and had a registry because we had just moved in together, and we ended up getting mostly cash gifts. We had about 5-10 gifts, but they were all stuff that we could actually use and some beautiful vases and picture frames. I think most people prefere to give money anyways because it’s easier.
Post # 57
Maybe just don’t register for any gifts? That way, if people ask for a registry your bridal party or yourself can hint at wanting cash: “We don’t really need anything”
But then again, if you have a shower, I think generally people like bringing actual gifts.
Do you have a wedding website? That could be a place for a cutesy poem.
Post # 58
if you’re going with the idea that the reason your having a wedding is “you’ve got to spend money to get money”, your having a wedding for the wrong reason. We’re having a wedding ceremony and reception because we want to share the day with the people who are important to us. We’re not looking for our guests to give us a gift that will cover or exceed the per person price for dinner. We’re not looking for any gifts.
Post # 59
We kept our registry small, and I told my Future Mother-In-Law we are saving for a house. I told her because I know she likes to talk about people.
People aren’t dumb. They’ll figure it out.
Post # 60
We didn’t place registry/gift information on our invite and wow, we had a lot of people ask for it. In addition to registry information (we had to register at 3 places just to get 35 – 40 items, apparently you’re supposed to register for 2-3 per guest) we placed the following on our wedding website under our registry link: “Celebrating our marriage with us is the best present of all… but if you’d like to gift us something special, a monetary gift would be the perfect item to help us achieve our goals as Husband & Wife! Specifically, we’re planning to purchase a house.”
I don’t really understand the money thing. I’m used to hearing from the older generation telling me how the younger generations don’t know the value of money, they spend so much money on new things and just buy buy buy. But wait! When it comes to your wedding why not throw all your perfectly good hand me downs out to be replaced by new, shinny items that you don’t need because giving you money for your house or an investment would just be stupid. (I should note though it is a cultural thing on my side of the family to give money not gifts so it’s never been a question.)
People are going to want to give you something at your wedding whether you ask for gifts or not. Most of your family is attending your wedding and they’re definitely going to want to get you a gift. Think about it, have you attended a gift-less wedding and not given something as so much as a card anyways?
Also for those who think not registering for gifts will solve everything, it can backfire. One of my friends decided that not registering for gifts and telling her parents they wanted money would be the best way to go about it. Instead of giving money, people gave her really weird gifts that she has never used.