Post # 1
Hello ladies and gents,
I was proposed to last night and said no. He is an amazing guy, but lately I’ve been feeling distanced a bit and just wanted to lay beside him. We had had a minor argument and I went to bed because we had been out of town the whole day and I was exhausted. He didn’t come to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night from banging on the wall and a knock on the bedroom door and called for him to ask why he wasn’t coming to bed. There was no answer, so I got up and went out. It was dark, with heart shaped balloons in the hallway, and I caught on. I immediately wanted to disappear. I knew it was coming, he had told me he ordered the ring and that I would love it, and he would do something special for the proposal. In the living room, he had written Marry Me? on the floor and lit up Marry with LED lights, but there was also a flashing light (the terrible disco quick flashing ones) and it made me feel sick. He went down on one knee, and I just noticed that his older sister (who is very depressed and has social anxiety and was just diagnosed with gout a couple of days ago+ unmarried, never been in a relationship and extremely squeamish abt these things) was sitting in the corner in the dark, expecting me to say yes.
The ring was on the floor and I couldn’t see it, but from what I saw I thought it was so boring! I didn’t want that on my hand for the rest of my life, and I was SO CREEPED out by the flashing light and his sister! I didn’t answer for a while and was just hoping that aliens would beam me up. There was no excitement or even disappointment, I felt sick. It sure was an unexpected way to propose. He put the ring on my hand, but I didn’t say anything (it was too big as well, after he had taken me to several shops to have my finger sized). Afterwards he saw that I wasn’t so well, so he asked if I wanted to take the ring off and I took it off.
I know what he was going for and how sweet it is, but I just wanted to run away. Felt so pressed to say yes in front of his sister and felt that it ruined the moment so much.
What should I do? I live with his family now. Should I pack my stuff and leave? I still love the man, but I don’t want to see his sister at all (he said he wanted her there so she could take photos?!) and I’m so embarrased.
Post # 3
@kirakirauponatime: I apologize, but this seriously made me LOL since it sounds like something out of a sitcom (one of those secondhand embarrassing situations where the guy awkwardly bumbles the proposal and there is no laugh track/music to lighten the tension).
Have you two spoken about the proposal/rejection? Was it the proposal itself that made you say no, or is it the man himself that puts you off? Do you want to marry him?
I think you need to assess whether or not marriage is in the cards for you both, and have an honest heart-to-heart with him. You should both be on the same page about your relationship, but you cannot determine where the other person stands/how they feel until you comunicate.
If it is too difficult to see his family right now, maybe you can stay at a friend’s house for a few days. I am sure he would welcome the space to collect his thoughts and emotions, as well.
Post # 5
@MlleFabuleux: Thank you.
Yes, we spoke about it. I know that I want the man, but I was feeling distanced from him (we have spoken about that too) and was hoping that we could get closer by just lying in each others arms for the night. We can’t get more physical with his sister in the house. I was also feeling to awkward to kiss him in front of her. I know that it’s not acceptable in his family to be physical like that, and his sister is the type of person who finds “chores” as soon as there is a sex scene in a film. She is almost 40 btw.
I have told him before that I want to marry him, and he made his intentions clear as well. I just so dearly wish that his sister hadn’t been sitting in that dark corner! I spoke to him briefly about it last night, but it was difficult.
He is such a supportive and understanding person. I love him so much and have never met anyone so handsome and so pure hearted.
Post # 6
@kirakirauponatime: I think that after you both talk to one another about this, and what it means for your relationship, he can re-propose at a later date and then you’ll both look back and laugh at the first botched proposal.
But honestly? Rejection is not easy (even if it’s warranted). Your BF needs time to deal with your rejection and then he will be willing to talk. I would:
- give him some time to broach the subject himself when he is finally ready to talk about it
- or give him a some time, but if he doesn’t bring it up in a couple of days, then you approach him
- or give one another time AND physical space (to help both of you process everything separately) and then you both mutually agree on a time and place to hash things out (without his sister there)
Post # 7
@kirakirauponatime: Good grief! This is so weird. I’m not sure what you should do totally. Do you want to marry this man? I think if you love him, then maybe you should approach him and tell him that you want a different proposal, a more romantic one like he suggested and preferably a more normal one.. LOL.
If you are unsure, I wouldn’t move out just yet. But talk to him about it and be very open about your feelings and let him talk if he is upset.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017
@MlleFabuleux: Was it the proposal itself that made you say no, or is it the man himself that puts you off? Do you want to marry him?
If my Fiance had done that with the build up and lights and even the depressed sister I would have been over the moon excited!!! Even if the ring were boring, I would SILL be over the moon to receive it and wear it for the rest of my life. He could have proposed covered in dung and I would have said yes (and then insisted on a hot bath!) Why? Because I have no doubts that he is the one.
If you really want to marry someone you don’t care about the particulars of the proposal (though you may be disappointed if you had imagined some spectacular scene, or if it was at an inappropriate time like following a bit fight). Your story screams doubt at me, but you say you love him so if you see any serious future I suggest that you stay in the house and talk things out with your boyfriend (and avoid the creepy sister). If you don’t see any future in you both I’d leave now so your boyfriend can heal in his own time.
Post # 9
Thank you everyone. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind him being covered in dung, I just minded his sister being there, since I wasn’t comfortable throwing myself in his arms and just felt that she ruined the moment.
He said that she was there to take photos. I didn’t want photos, I just wanted the two of us.
I approached him this morning and asked him to redo the proposal and then went to bed. He came with our puppy after him and had attached the ring to the puppy’s collar 😀 It was so adorable. I finally felt all those feelings you should feel for a proposal! It was amazing.
We’re gonna have the ring resized:) I think he wants to do the whole thing again next year hehe
I’m not picky or particular about things, and I never imagined a fairy tale proposal. I was just creeped out by having his sister there and it felt like she would rip me apart if I said no to her baby brother (he is SO precious to her!).
The details of the wedding are already set, and I had already said yes to marrying him unofficially, I was just waiting for a proper proposal.
Post # 10
@kirakirauponatime: Aw that’s great news. Congratulations and I am glad everything worked out (and no creepy sister). 🙂
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2014 - Restaurant
This really made me LOL, sorry. Just the way you described the lighting and the sister sitting in the corner in the dark watching. It was like a worst-nightmare proposal. I’m sorry you had that happen to you.
The puppy proposal does sound super cute though. I’m glad you worked it out and made a good memory out of the whole thing!
Post # 12
LOL! This really made me laugh, but I feel sorry for your (Now)FI. He probably tried, but didn’t think it through properly 🙂
Love the puppy proposal – that’s how my Fiance proposed to me, and it was just perfect. Our furbaby is going to be our ring bearer for the wedding, and he will once again be carrying the rings on his collar. So cute!
Post # 13
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
@kirakirauponatime: awwwww! That first proposal was seriously absurd!!! The lights! His sister!! Auuughhh!
glad it worked out!
Post # 14
I don’t know… it kind of sounds like you don’t want to marry him. You sure you’re not just convincing yourself that you do? The fact that you asked if you should pack up and leave speaks volumes to me. If you were *in love* with him you wouldn’t even consider that.
That was a wonderful description by the way.. I felt as if I was there 🙂
Edit: I just read your update. I truly do wish you guys the best, it sounds like you are excited. Sometimes it’s hard to get the full story from one post.