(Closed) cried all night.. feeling like crap at work :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

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@sugarcube:  Well…at least it distracted you for a little bit Embarassed

Post # 18
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t know your back story or what is going on at all at all but (( hugs )) Try to calm down, the more you think about it the more upset you will get. Take some allergy meds, get a drink of water and deep breaths. Get some carbs in you and fan your face too. Can you tell I cry at work and am a pro at calming down and hiding it? ๐Ÿ™‚ If you need to talk PM me! 

Post # 19
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I have no idea what you are talking about. Do you want to spend certain holidays with your family but your Mother-In-Law wants you to spend them all with her?

Post # 21
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

You and your FH have to be tough with holidays.  Sit down with him and agree on a schedule for the holidays: Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day, etc…  Keep one for yourselves so you can make your own traditions.  Give one to your parents and one to his mom.  The next time holidays come up you and your FH tell his mother that she has X holiday and that is it.  If she whines about it, then I would tell her that it’s that or nothing and if she chooses nothing she will have to deal with th consequences.  It’s not fair to let her dictate your married life and the quicker you get this through her head the better it will be for you and your marriage.

My dad tries to take all of the holidays and this passive agressive style has worked wonders.  He would rather have one holiday than none.  And he has learned the more he tries to guilt me the more likely I will cancel all holiday plans with him and happily stay home to celebrate with my FH.

Post # 23
Member
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@beachbride1216:  Excellent suggestion. I also have this problem with both families wanting us to attend all holiday celebrations. Last year we did Christmas Eve and Christmas Day breakfast with his family and Christmas Lunch/Dinner with my family. There were tears and arguments but in the end it worked out pretty good.

In the future I will request Christmas Eve/Morning as I have a big family with lots of little kids and dont want to miss out on seeing them open their presents! 

 

Edit: Just read your update. Ugh this sucks big time, she sounds very selfish. You really have to stand your ground and I think its super important for you to draw up a schedule of future holidays and stick to it! 

Post # 24
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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@sugarcube:  Look, you are a couple now, and it’s not like in college where you went home to mom and dad every holiday. Compromises have to be made, and your Mother-In-Law needs to understand that. She can’t always have it her way. Alternating years is a VERY reasonable compromise. Unless you host the holidays and both sets of families come to your place. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 25
Member
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Well sometimes you have to burn it down to build it up. I’ve been there, it sucks. Know what sucks worse? Being manipulated. You are both adults, period. Just do what you want to do! She will freak out and make you miserable, but it WILL pass. She has to learn to back off and if you keep doing what she wants she never will. 

Post # 26
Hostess
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I hope you feel better!  I hate the morning after a cry session, especially when you have to work! ๐Ÿ™  

Ugh.. I vote plan a vacay for just you and your SO over the holidays and say screw everywone else! ๐Ÿ™‚  (Of course I have no idea what’s really going on, just trying to throw a suggestion your way.)

Post # 27
Member
9966 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

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@sugarcube:  Talking anymore to your Future Mother-In-Law about this and trying to make her see reason is an effort in futility

The only thing that’s going to work with her is to stop talking about it.  Stop listening to her demands.  Never cave into them.  You and your Fiance continue working as a team and make your decisions together and fairly.  Don’t involve Future Mother-In-Law in any of the decisions and have your Fiance cut back on communication with her.

She’s toxic and she’ll poison your relationship if you let her.  Stand strong – you and your Fiance – as a team.  DO and don’t talk about doing.  Just DO what you want to do.  You are both adults and you are going to have to retrain her on how to treat you and she will eventually learn to behave.  She is a bully and the only way to deal with a bully is to stay away from them as much as possible.  She isn’t going to change.  Narcissism is ingrained into people for life.  She will always push as far as anyone lets her.

So, don’t let her.  And don’t waste one more tear or spend any more time being upset about her.

((HUGS))

Post # 29
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Every year will bring a new reason to spend X-mas with your Mother-In-Law regardless of whether it is her turn; my dad also does this.  It is no longer a discussion you or your FH need to have with her.  You say she gets X holiday this year, that’s final, and there will be no more discussions about it or she will not get Thanksgiving either.  No more discussion PERIOD!  She obviously sees discussion as a chance to argue her point so there will no longer be a discussion with her, the only discussion is between you and your FH.  You will inform her of what she gets and if she doesn’t like it then you will happily spend the holidays with your family who appreciate the fact that you make time for them because as a married couple you ahve every right to stay home and enjoy the holiday as a couple and not visit either family if you don’t want to deal with the drama.

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