(Closed) cried all night.. feeling like crap at work :(

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
3771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Seeing the relative as a family is a little bit much. As long as they get to see her and Fiance gets to see her it is fine. In fact go at Thanksgiving so you will be sure to see her before she passes, you could all go then over the holiday together.

Every time you stick up to her and then give in or compromise you are telling her that her behavior is ok. Very similar to a toddle throwing a tantrum. You need to stick your ground and then not back down when she looses it.

Post # 48
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Since you and your fiance have said you would visit the relative during another time, I think that’s fine…unless it’s his grandmother or something.  

 

My fiance and I were talking about holidays last year, and I said that I would not compromise with Christmas.  I have been with my parents every single Christmas for my entire life, and I will not give that up.  He feels the same way about Thanksgiving (thank GODDDDD), so we are going to do Thanksgiving with his family and Christmas with mine.  It’s about 9 hours driving from our area to my parents’, so we can’t split them up.  

 

ANYWAY…in the future, maybe you could suggest that at each house it be Thanksmas or Christgiving (lol the meanins there)…a combination of the two holidays.  Instead of ham (ew) or whatever for Christmas dinner, have turkey with stuffing (yay!).  Instead of just food at Thanksgiving, give presents as well.  Could be a great way to start some new traditions.

Post # 50
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@sugarcube:  Do you live near his parents?  

Post # 52
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I would go see the grandmother – but on your own with your Fiance. Definitely not over xmas with the whole family. Like you, I’d be scared of that “what if” factor.

I think if Future Mother-In-Law is  being difficult, now would be the perfect time for a compromise but also putting your foot down. Yes, you will go visit the sick granny but you will not be doing it over xmas. She can’t have her cake and eat it too.

ETA: I’ve skimmed over your previous posts –  one mentioned how Fiance had decided that he would like to see her. Does he still feel the same?

At the end of the day you really do need to be a united front but he’s the one that needs to fight this battle.

Post # 54
Member
9967 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@ms_protea:  I agree with this.

Post # 55
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Haha! Well I actually started replying when you 1st posted so went over your threads for the back story before you posted it here. And then work got in the way so I couldn’t reply earlier 🙂

Post # 57
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It sounds like you have 2 difficult family situations going on. I know it really really sucks, but it might be a good idea for you guys to divide and conquer for this holiday season…with the caveat that once you’re married both families need to stick to a schedule of switching holidays. I would normally never suggest this to an engaged couple, but it sounds like your dad really needs you, and your Fiance should be with his dying grandma – the resentment that could occur if you keep him from seeing her with his family & she passes away could be pretty bad. Good luck hon, I really hope everything works out for you both <3

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