(Closed) *Cries* Everything is changing this Christmas!

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

While I do spend Christmas with my family, I know what your’e feeling. This was how I felt the first Thanksgiving I spent without my family. It was weird and just made me feel a little lonely. Same thing for the first set of holidays I spent after my parents got divorced. However, you do get used to it and you will start to (hopefully) see the positive in visiting his family instead of the negative in not visiting yours. Are your families far apart? Maybe you could spend one night with your family and one night with his? Or maybe in future years you could hold off to celebrate Christmas with your family until a few days after Christmas with his?

Post # 4
5294 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

No, you’re not. Holidays have never been a huge deal in my family, and this year my mom just seems very blase about it. Ever since DH and I got engaged, it was very ‘hey it’s ok if you can’t come, we aren’t doing much’ while DH’s side is very ‘you must attend all 9384 of our Christmas events’. So I feel like I see my family less, because if two events conflict, we usually choose DH’s side because it’ll go over better. 

It’s weird because when DH and I first were dating, my parents wouldn’t let him come to ‘our’ Christmas because apparently it was a really special family thing that we couldn’t have outsiders as a part of. Now that he’s legit family, it’s like they don’t care anymore.

How far apart are your families? We’re lucky that we’re actually only about 15 miles apart, so that makes it easier….until they start wanting to go to other houses for Christmas things. 


I think I’d love it a lot if we could just stay home and spend our first Christmas together. 

Post # 6
387 posts
Helper bee

no i know what you mean!!  This will be my 4th Christmas Eve without my family, and I’m always sad about it.  I know it’s best to split time between our families (especially as we do Thanksgiving with my family every year bc of my brother’s football schedule), and my family does a huge Christmas day thing, and Mr. LR’s family does a Christmas Eve thing.  So that’s how we do it.  Unfortunately, his family doesn’t do Christmas as big as my family, so it’s a bit of a let down, as much as I love them.

I have told both sets of parents that as SOON as I pop out a kid, we are no longer travelling for Christmas and everyone has to come to our house Christmas Day.  When my brother has kids, we’ll swap houses every year if we don’t live in the same city (Mr. LR is an only child, so his parents will be welcome at both me and my brother’s homes bc we’re all going to be one giant family).

Post # 7
3180 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I am 30 and have spent every Christmas Eve with my family and have gotten up at an ungodly hour like 6:30 to open presents on Christmas morning.  Luckily this schedule works out with FI’s family’s get togethers, but I would be very upset if this had to change!  Mergining holidays is hard, so no you are defintely not alone!

Post # 9
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@pengoala:  I’m struggling with the same thing!  My mom explained that she doesn’t want to act sad because she doens’t ever want us to feel like we HAVE to choose her.  Of course your family would rather be with you every time, but I’m sure they don’t want you to feel worse than you already do. 

I am glad to hear that I’m not the only one feeling this way.  I sort of felt seflish at first for not wanting to spend the holidays with his family.  Hang in there 🙂

Post # 10
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m not there yet, but I know exactly how you feel!

My siblings got married young, so the last 10 Christmases were just me and my folks (the past 2 just me and my mom since my Dad passed away).

I’m making the biggest deal out of Christmas this year because it’s my “last” one with my Mom.

Sure we’ll go visit her next year, but I doubt it will be on Christmas day (our big family thing is the day after) and I doubt I’ll go to midnight Mass with her and fill stockings when we get home, etc.

Fiance doesn’t really “get” it since it’s not as big a deal to him, but at least he’s being supportive when I tell him I love his family, but I’m spending an entire week with mine this year!

Post # 11
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I hear you – I’ve been in tears most of the night. Not that my emotions are completely stable as I’m coming off BC but it hit me tonight hard for some reason! I had the choice of flying down to spend Christmas with my family in a different state, but with DH’s work, it means I would be going alone and leaving him with no one for Christmas. I want the Christmas I’ve known all my life but everything’s changed and will keep changing. Sad.

Post # 12
3622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

No, I know I’m going to lose it when it’s our first Christmas together. Every year, I have been at home with my sister and parents and we do the exact same thing. This is my last Christmas before being married. I don’t know what I’ll do next year; even if we’re at my parents’ house, it will be weird..

Post # 13
319 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I hate choosing Holidays! Thanksgiving this year was the worst and I decided to just host it next year so I don’t have to choose. Is hosting an option for you?

We live in the same town but still, if I had my way we’d go over to my parents’ Christmas Eve and stay the night there then spend all Christmas day. As it is we go over EARLY Christmas Eve, then come back to his parents’ then home (we live in the same neighborhood as his parents) then over to mine Christmas morning, then a big dinner with all 7,000 members of his mom’s family Christmas day evening. UGH.

Post # 14
11161 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I understand completely. It is hard when we grow up with traditions and suddenly have to do without on holidays.

My Fiance and I swap every other holiday with our families so we spent Thanksgiving with mine and will be spending Christmas with his. Due to the distance between the two it isn’t possible to do both.

It is hard, especially the first Christmas. Eventually you will start new traditions with your DH (FI in my case) and they will help with the feelings of sadness that come with not being with your family. Try to think up ways to spend the holidays together and focus on that until you feel comfortable in being away from your family.

Post # 15
7305 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Nope, you’re not weird at all. last year was my first christmas without my parents and sibling, and I had a Christmas morning meltdown. Don’t get me wrong… I love Mr. LK’s family and they are wonderful to me. But not being with my family was still tough.

Post # 16
1985 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

This will be my first Christmas away from my family as well and I am sad about it for multiple reasons. 1- I’m not with my family 2- FI’s grandma passed away (she was the sweetest) and this has completely changed traditions 3- FI’s step grandfather passed away.  So I feel like the first Christmas I’m spending with his family is kind of a sad one where many traditions will not be followed.

Fiance and I decided to switch every year who we spend with and whoever we do not spend Christmas with we spend Thanksgiving with.

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