- 4 years ago
- Wedding: May 2017
Hey bees… I haven’t come to making an emotional/vent post yet but it came time for me to do so following some pretty ridiculous events recently.
I will break these down as best I can, and any advice is appreciated. I understand we all have very different families, but also any ideas of how to cope with this stuff emotionally is so welcome.
1. Mom and Dad: Were not supportive of the engagement, and have been difficult to speak to during the planning process. My fiance and I have been together for 7 years now, and he’s supportive and loving and working to become a doctor. My parents though, like many I am sure, have seen our relationship as less than great because: we lived together before they knew, he’s still in school and will be for another year after we’re married, and for a lot of the start of our relationship I was the supporter for us. He was still dealing with school and did what he could to help, but I was the main one with the job. And granted, if I had noticed any signs of a guy being a “gold digger” or mooching on me for no reason, he’d be out in a second. But my fiance and I have done everything we can to equalize finances and workloads and all that… I think my parents though took those things and ran with them as negatives. Come to the engagement — my mom told him no when he asked for her blessing and my dad was neutral. He asked anyway. My parents told me I was insane and got angry. It took some time but they’ve come around to the fact we are doing this, but my dad thinks the wedding in general is insane. He’s told me I am an idiot to get married and spend more than a few thousand dollars. He said he will not be helping financially at all. My mom is doing what she can to help, such as my dress and decor, but even then we’re budgeting. I find it hard to understand as my parents are not poor by any means, but they have constantly asserted I am an adult making an adult decision thus I have to pay for it. And I’ll do it, I am doing it, its just more emotional and taxing knowing they could be helping a bit and they’ve decided not to.
2. My sister is my Maid of Honor. She constantly criticises the choices I’m making for the wedding, from the cost (granted we’re staying under $30k for a 150-person wedding in San Diego/La Jolla). My sister has always been a tough critic, but I thought with the wedding she’d sympathize and help me out. She’s told me I am selfish to spend what I am spending, selfish that I am getting married in California bc it’ll mean people — like her I guess — will have to travel (at least 75% of the people invited live in the area or hours away). I am being too “fancy” for doing all of this… and yet I am paying for most of it.
Well now, she is engaged, and she called me to discuss complaints she’s getting from our parents, or how her friends are pushing to know who is a bridesmaid (she’s been engaged a few weeks, so def very early) and when is the date, etc. She’s already got a lot of ideas which I think is fine, but she comes to me about the complaints… and I try to help her through them and she just brushes all my suggestions off.
The blow that hit me hard was she told me last night her close friends, one she’s known a couple years now and is a good friend, is super pressuring her to know who the Maid/Matron of Honor will be. My sister said she didn’t know yet. I was immediately hurt hearing this, thinking that I am her sister, we’re close, and she doesn’t know whos he wants. I feel like I have failed massively somehow to have my sister, who I talk to every few days if not every day, and who I have helped through some serious emotional stuff… we of course have fights and arguments and everything but I did not think it was so bad for her to not even just think of me. Or to just go with me.
I feel like I am crazy for thinking this at the same time, as if my emotions are insane. Why would a sister pick her sister to be her maid of honor? Crazy? Or am I just with the most critical family..