- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
Hi, I’ve been married to my husband for a year and a half now.I am 25 and my husband is 30. We recently moved to a different continent for his job but have been moving around for his work pretty much since we got married.Every Time we were meant to stay in one place he has been promoted or assigned a new area. I have had to give up my career, friends and family to support him and thought nothing of it until recently.
I feel that in giving up part of my life so he can better ours was perfectly fine until he basically said that I am a leach and needy. I can’t understand what he wants from me when i cant work because he has taken me to a country i cannot work in legally yet. I feel he wants the old independent me, but i can’t play both roles. We were meant to go back to the UK so i could go back to my career last year but he took up another offer without consulting me. Hes made my goals feel like nothing. He suggested I go back to work in the UK and he stay here and work – which i do not think benefits our relationship at all.
I truly feel he does not appreciate all i do for him, and no longer even gets on with me. He even said the other day we have nothing in common and that we have nothing to talk about. I have tried to converse with him about things that interest me and himself but he only wants to go out and drink with the ‘boys’.
He has failed to help provide financially for my visa which he said he would, he goes out with his work buddies for drinks all the time. Whilst I am at home cleaning, cooking, doing laundry etc. He has said that he can do whatever he wants and i should be okay with it. He has even told me to ‘do something’ but whenever i tell him i’d like to better my skills at home (which require money) he always says he cant afford it, which he can.
I honestly have no idea where the man I married went. Before the wedding we were great, we went out on dates and always made time for one another even though his job has long hours. Now he cites he works too much to spend time with me (which i know isn’t true… instead of coming home he goes for drinks and makes out it was a late day). Today he said he was going to work but put on a going out shirt instead of his work clothes – like I was an idiot! He clearly does not care for me at all anymore.
I look after myself, make sure I look good for him… I have been working out a lot mostly because i have nothing else to do.I don’t go out by myself because i don’t want to waste money when we are trying to save, but he can go blow $100 a night for nothing. I’d love to go out and have a few drinks, im only 25 – not an old lady! But I’m never invited and he never makes an effort to take me out either. I have made friends in this country but cant do anything with them because my husband does not financially give me the support he should (and can).
Recently he has said he wants to go to a strip club with his friend (a friend i do not like much as he hates women and is horrible to his own wife). In the country we are in you can touch the strippers… I have a problem with this and find it like cheating.He has said he will not get a dance and that its not a big deal, but hes dead set on going so it must be to him. I have expressed to him (in a letter to avoid confrontation – as he gets pretty pissed off on this subject) that my feelings are hurt and i feel betrayed. He doesn’t seem to care about that – only spoke of me ‘telling him what to do’. I’m at a loss, i have given everything up for him and he basically uses me as a doormat now.He doesn’t seem to think about how his actions affect me or anyone else. This ‘friend’ of his he is going to the strip club with has been rude to me in the past but not once has my husband stood up for me… i stood up for me but expect some sort of support. I feel he is turning into a misogynist woman hater and theres nothing I can do. This is really bothering me – to the point where I dont know if i can be with him for it.
I have recently thought about just leaving him as everything i try does not work. I have mentioned a marriage counsellor but he does not want to go.
Sorry for the long post!