(Closed) Cruel comment about a sore subject

posted 4 years ago in No Kids
Post # 2
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

Your friend sounds like a pretty heartless bitch.

Just because you’re going through something doesn’t mean you get to treat your friends like shit as a coping mechanism. You were right not to talk to her; she doesn’t deserve your support if she’s going to lash out at you for nothing.

Post # 3
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Sorry you have to deal with a medical condition like that….I feel for you! She sounds like a crappy friend TBH…It isn’t selfish to not want children, it’s a common reaction from family members though when someone mentions choosing to not have children. In your case you actually have a medical reason not to, which makes that remark so much more insenstive. I would evaluate this friendship….I could forgive her remarks after her miscarriage, knowing emotions were high and knowing miscarriages screw with your hormones..but the fact she made the rude comment beforehand makes me wonder if she usually is insensitive like that to you? Is she normally a good friend? Definitely sounds like you haven’t done anything wrong here except try to be a supportive friend even when she’s acting out.

Post # 4
Member
4231 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Friendship would have been over for me after that comment. 

Post # 5
Member
2819 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I think it’s time to move on from this “friendship.” Friends should be compassionate and understanding and she sounds anything but. 

Post # 6
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2021 - Dracut, Massachusetts

View original reply
missyd12 :  No, you are not a crappy friend. Has she been like this multiple times before or was this a one off thing? In the case it was one off thing, I would say she’s just really depressed about the whole thing and lashed out at you. If she does this stuff all the time, then she’s just a mean person.

I’ve been told I’m selfish too for not wanting children. I don’t have a medical condition though, it’s just a personal thought that the world is to over populated and I don’t want to add to it. If I ever changed my mind, I would just adopt. To me, there is already so many homeless children in the world that need love.

Post # 7
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

just. block. her. 

other people don’t have to be nice to you, but that doesn’t mean you have to take it. 

Post # 8
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

You are NOT a selfish bitch. You are free to choose whatever YOU want regarding children. I can understand how trying for a child would be daunting after what the doctor told you. I’m not sure how I would feel about it either at that point. But regardless, your parents shouldn’t hold it against you if you choose not to have kids either. Kids aren’t some gift FOR them, so no one should be acting like you took something away from someone else. 

 

And your friend, she’s a heartless bitch. That’s all I’ve got to say about that. 

Post # 9
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think you’re a crappy friend. Your friend had a miscarriage. And in her time of need, you want her to comfort you about your fertility & miscarriage. Just not cool. She doesn’t sound like a peach, either, though.

Post # 10
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’d say those things are definitely cruel and I’d keep that friend at an arms distance.  Regarding kids, if you are scared to get pregnant because of your medical issues or whatever, there are options if you still want kids.  You could foster, adopt, or even try donor embryos.  No pressure to do this but it doesn’t sound like you don’t want kids because you don’t want them, you’re just scared of a pregnancy based on your medical condition.  Feel free to completely disregard this comment. 

Post # 11
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

View original reply
missyd12 :  You’re not a crappy friend, nor are you selfish for choosing not to have children. I think your friend is the one who is out of line here, and I wouldn’t blame you for not speaking to her.

Post # 12
Member
4078 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

There is a crappy friend in the scenario. It just isn’t you.

Post # 13
Member
704 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

your friend is crappy, but again she is still grieving. MC at just 1 month doesn’t mean she’s not allowed to grieve. Maybe she just need a time alone. I say leave her at the moment, if she’s reach out and sorry then it’s fine. Id she’s still being crappy, then leave.

Post # 15
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

While I agree your friend didn’t react in the best way -in fact, quite the opposite- I am inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt and think it might have been an emotional reaction. In a way, she is right…you got pregant, I am assuming, accidentally; she got pregnant while TTC. I would also advice you to go back to when you miscarriage, how did you feel? Where you really open to help? (You mentioned you prefer to not tell anyone) would you have wanted someone to insist again?

I also think her comment about your nana being right could have been made as a joke. I understand it is a sensitive topic for you and I think you should have told her so on the stop. People can rarely read minds, and we sometimes assume the wrong thing.

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