Crumbling marriage

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
6143 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

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et7764 :  maybe not an alcoholic but heavy drinker for sure. 

Post # 47
Member
2035 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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et7764 :  uhh he is definitely an alcoholic! You are the only bee suggesting otherwise. 

Anyway OP you sound pretty level headed and have received some good advice here. I’m sorry you have to go through this but don’t be afraid to walk away from someone who isn’t good for you anymore. I would give things one last try just for your sake if you’re having a hard time coming to terms with leaving. That way when you do leave he can’t play the victim and act like you didn’t try. You’ve literally used every resource that anyone would have suggested to you and none of them worked. I would be out. You sound very unhappy and I can only imagine him sitting there drinking playing video games on the couch until he falls asleep like a teenager. This is an absolute no. It’s not a good situation to even consider kids in either. It really irked me that he thinks you can’t afford the extra cost to add you to his insurance but there’s plenty to go around for alcohol and vape cartridges. I would have said something regardless of an argument. It’s the truth and you should be able to say, “we CAN afford to add me to your health insurance if you stop spending our money on alcohol and vaping.” If it causes an argument it is more ammo for you to realize he doesn’t care about what’s actually important because his addiction means more. Hugs bee. I hope when you figure everything out you come back with a good update.

Post # 48
Hostess
4508 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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NLS921 :  How are you doing OP?

Post # 50
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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NLS921 :  Probably not anytime soon and not for you or your marriage bee.  He’s too attached to his addictions to get his shit together.  You need to decide where your breaking point is and plan an exit.

Post # 51
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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NLS921 :  You need to make an exit plan. Things will not get better. They are likely to get worse. You should make a plan to leave and then bring up getting help for his addictions. Hopefully he will listen. If he doesn’t agree to get help, you need to leave. Things will not get better. They will just get messier and messier and more and more painful. I wish you all the best. I hope everything works out for you.

Post # 52
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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NLS921 :  he knows he needs to get his shit together.

the “when” is when there is a real consequence for it not happening.

as of right now, there is no big consequence for him not stopping his drinking. His wife is asking him to, sure, but not leaving him if he doesn’t. He’s got a job, all that. So, same old same old. Where is the drive for him to change his ways?

the “when” will be when something big happens. Loses his job for being drunk at work, get a DUI, you leaving him….

 

Post # 54
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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NLS921 :  Tackle one thing at a time bee, its not a race but just a plan.  Find as many free or pro bono sources of legal assistance that you can.  Look into sources via your job that may help.   How can you save/earn $$?  Just pick one thing and solve problem after problem around it until you’ve got it solved.  By The Way….lean on your family and friends for support.  You don’t need to do this alone.

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