(Closed) Crush on a guy while engaged

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It happens. As long as you’re just looking and not flirting or worse, it shouldn’t matter. I don’t think it’s the kind of thing you really need to tell your fiance. It’s human nature to look at people we find attractive, and just because you are marrying one person doesn’t mean you’re never going to find anyone else attractive ever again. I wouldn’t worry about it!

(And I think you mean fiance, not finance.)

Post # 4
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you shouldn’t worry too much, because thankfully nothing happenned. But if it is giving you such a hard time, just keep it in mind for next time so that you just ignore the person and avoid feeling worse afterwards. Looking or flirting is not worth the remorse that comes with it, especialy when you already have someone to look at and who is looking right back. I guess sometimes we get so used to our relationships and maybe don’t realize that we kinda miss the flirt and emotion we felt when we first were dating. It’s good to keep this in mind so that we try to work on this with our partners and not look elsewhere without realizing what we are doing. Don’t give yourself such a hard time over this.

Post # 5
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Dont worry, its normal. Just dont act on it.

Post # 6
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@astratkotter: I totally agree with you!


Don’t feel guilty!

Post # 7
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

This really isn’t something to beat yourself up over- it happens to everyone. 

I am a firm believer that as a species, humans are not naturally wired for monogamy. It’s a societal norm that we live up to and abide by, because, well, it does make more sense than one big free-for-all.

If we were wired to be with only one person forever, then we would have that whole “Mate for Life” thing that other animals have where we never mate with more than one person, even if after one of the partners dies. But, obviously that’s not the case. 

Instead, our species is wired to procreate- and thus we are stuck with the burden of finding multiple people attractive…. because we’re wired to want to make babies, and lots of them, no matter what unfortunate circumstances should come our way (which, in the beginning of time, were things like flood, famine, plague, and whatnot). 

But since we’re smarter than other animals, and we realize that it does make more sense in our society to only be with one person, so we just look, and wipe away the drool when nobody is paying attention, and then we go about our day ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 8
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I’ve been guilty of this too. We’re human. I don’t believe it to be a big deal if you don’t flirt or act on it in anyway.


Post # 9
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Just because you’ve decided on your dinner order doesn’t mean you can’t still look at the menu. Right?! ;-p

If you honestly think your man is never going to find another woman attractive, let yourself feel bad. But it’s human nature. Like PP’s have said – as long as you don’t act upon those tingly feelings you’re fine!

Post # 10
224 posts
Helper bee

As everyone else said its human nature. And to me no big deal. My Fiance has caught be checking out eye candy many a times and I will just say well he is hot…and laugh. We are close enough that he doesnt care and he is secure enough to know I love him and only him and theres nothing wrong with looking at someone else like they are a piece of candy. I catch him doing it now and then to as well and the girl is alwyas like a 10 and he will own up to it to and we just cluckle about it.

Really dont worry about it there is nothing wrong with enjoying a good piece of eye candy as long as they are just that eye candy.

Post # 12
2194 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I seriously almost posted about this on Saturday. I have had crushes on guys, but have never/will never act upon them. I love my Fiance, but it doesn’t mean I’m not attracted to other people. I’m glad other people feel the same way!

Post # 13
1600 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh man I get this all the time – I think after you’ve been in a relationship for awhile the ‘feelings’ start to disappear. And I mean physical feelings like the butterflies and what not.

Yes they return once in awhile, but I know I miss it, and without even realizing it my body tries to get them back by focusing on another guy. I think as long as you don’t act on it it’s harmless, because in the long run you’re still going home to your fiance at night, and it’s still him that you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Post # 14
1484 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Glad to hear this is normal! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 15
4108 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think what you described happens every single day….. to men ๐Ÿ™‚ Maybe more, so don’t feel guilty. 

Post # 16
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I didn’t read all of the other posts, but I don’t think you need to worry. My finace and I always make a point to talk about those things because it creates a safe place between us, and also helps everyone feel honest. Honestly, with something like what you’re describing I probably would have said “Wow, so and so’s friend is hot. I caught myself oogling him a few times. How embarrassing.” 

Its human nature to look at others. Just because we’re getting married doesn’t mean that our ability to recognize attractiveness in other will go away. 

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