(Closed) Crush on a guy while engaged

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1831 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

This happens allllll the time. Most of the time Darling Husband and I will be leaving and one of us will be like, “damn did you see that girl/guy?” And we’ll joke about how we should be swingers or something equally as ridiculous. It’s all part of the fun of marriage and I think it’s great we can do that and still be 100% positive we’re with the right person for us. 🙂

Post # 18
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It’s fine. Just don’t act upon it. Nor discuss it with your Fiance. Because let’s face it, this news is simply not worth the discussion. There is no good that can come of “hey… guess what?! Remember the party we went to the other day? Well there was this guy there who I found to be REALLY hot. Just thought I’d share that with you. Not like I have the hots for him or anything. You know I love you honey! You’re the best guy int he world to me.” Etc. etc… See how LAME that sounds? It’s uselss to even mention something this silly. Just gawk n’ walk!

Post # 19
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Fiance and I have a mutual understanding that flirting is ok. Harmless flirting makes you feel good, it reminds you that youre still attractive to other people, not just Fiance who is blinded by love. 🙂 At the end of a night we will joke about the silly guys/girls we saw. Its all in good fun. 

I think you just have to be secure in your relationship. Its going to happen, if you leave the house at all you will see someone you find attractive. Dont beat yourself up about it. As long as you dont take it to an inaporpriate level, youre fine. At the end of the day you know who youre going home with. 

Post # 20
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

^^^ Exactly. In our relationship, we don’t conisder it big deal to flirt. Being attracted to other people is natural. Hello, we are all sexual beings. Just cause you get married that part of you doesn’t shut off. Anyone that says otherwise is simply delusional or liar.

Post # 21
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

It happens. Like other posters have said, it’s human nature and just because you have a ring on your finger doesn’t mean that everyone else in the world, except for FH, gets ugly.

I see people that I find attractive all the time and FH does too.

Post # 22
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Attractive men are like vitamins for the eyes, and as long as there is nothing beyond looking either physically or emotionally then you are in the clear dear!

Post # 23
Member
724 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This is definitely normal, and yeah, just don’t act on it in a way that would make your Fi uncomfortable. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with talking to someone you find attractive, but don’t insinuate you’d go further. I met a guy at an art gallery crawl last summer, and after we were done, we were both hungry and no one else from the group was intersted so we got Subway sandwiches. And then we parted ways. I didn’t give him my phone number and I would never make plans to see him “one-on-one” unless it was clear and firm that we would just be friends (I am also in the camp that yes, guys and girls can be friends!). I actually never saw him again.

I also told Fiance, and he was cool with it. He thought it was funny I had a crush on a boy. Actually, I brought Fiance out to the next art crawl hoping the guy would be there so they could meet, because I actually thought he and Fiance would be good friends! I figured I was attracted to him because he had similar qualities as Fiance.

 

Post # 24
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

It is completely normal and I am pretty sure everyone does this. As long as you do not act on it then you are fine! I sometimes think things like that, or if I am out with my girls and someone buys us drinks, I think “oh gosh what would I feel like if SO was at a bar and some girl was buying him a drink and hitting on him?” I’d be pissed! So that is how I keep myself in check. Also, if you were in front of Fiance then I worried worry. As long as you aren’t doing anything that you know would actually hurt him or you know you would be upset by if the situation were reversed, you are fine! 

Post # 25
Member
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

As everyone else has said, it happens! Don’t feel too bad about it, it’s just harmless flirting, it’s nice to make sure you’ve still “got it” sometimes. Just look and don’t touch! 😛

Post # 26
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Your human.  My Fiance knows that if Troy is the only man besides him that I would birth a child for.  Honestly.  

Don’t feel bad!!!  Attractive ppl are just attractive but it doesn’t mean anything. 

Post # 27
Member
47 posts
Newbee

I agree 100% with tinylittlebird. I, too, believe that humans are not wired to be monogamous. We are wired to make lots and lots of babies. That, after all, is the bottom line purpose of attraction and sex. When you are attracted to someone, your brain produces dopamine, which makes you feel good. That’s why in the beginning of a relationship you feel this high. It’s your brain getting ready to prepare your body to reproduce. If we were truly only meant to be with one person, we’d only experience that rush once in our lives when we met our “life mate”. However, as we go through life we are attracted to multiple people. You’ll continue to find other men attractive once in a while. Your fiance will find other women attractive once in a while. The KEY is whether or not you act on it. While we may not be meant to be monogamous as humans, our higher intellect and emotional development bring along a lot of bad, ugly feelings when monogamy isn’t honored. Attractions are fine as long as they remain innocent. Acting on those attractions is a whole other ball game. I read a post on a blog that gave tips on how to diffuse an attraction to another person. You can read it here if you’re interested.

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