Post # 1
Hey Bees, i’m a poster with another account but this one must be anonymous! I have a problem that I can’t shake and I’m looking for some advice…
My Fiance works in a pretty small office and he has become close to a few of his co-workers who he hangs out with outside of work. One of them in particular, let’s call him “M”, is astonishingly attractive. I’ve met him a few times and hung out with him and my Fiance in a group just last week. I’ve always thought he was good looking, smart, and interesting, but I suddenly felt this sudden and extreme crush towards him come on yesterday.
This is what happened: I work at a co-op, and as I was working register yesterday, M comes strolling up with a cart full of groceries. This was a total surprise because the co-op is not exactly close to where either of us live, but he told me he had a reason to go to a different store a town over then remembered that I work here so thought he’d stop in for a few things (again, he had a cart full of stuff). We chatted for about 5-7 minutes while I rang and bagged up his stuff, then he went on his way.
IMMEDIATELY I was going over and over in my head what we talked about and could not stop thinking about him. Childish thoughts… Did he come all the way just to see me? Does he like me? Etc.
It’s been 24 hours and I haven’t truly stopped thinking about him. It’s definitely more physical than emotional. I keep going through his FB pictures and even messaged him to say “Thanks for visiting me today…come in again” to which he replied that he “definitely” will.
Oh, I should probably add that he is married with 2 children and is over 10 years older than I am and it’s never gonna happen.
Has anyone been in a situation like this? Is this cold feet/wedding nerves? Am I going to get over this man? I feel terrible for Fiance who I know is the best thing that ever happened to me and I can’t wait to marry him. Every other week of our relationship, I’ve been completely in love with Fiance. But now, all I can think about for the last 24 hours is M.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Everyone likes a little attention and excitement but you should nip this in the bud before you put yourself in a bad position. Stop flirting back (hello FB message) and make sure you don’t end up alone with him, especially if you are drunk or otherwise, out of normal control of your body and mind.
Post # 4
You must be feeling really guilty but its natural I think. I know that when I’ve fancied someone other than my FH I felt awful too but its OK. Its not real, you know that, and what you have is. Maybe you shouldn’t be friends with him for a little bit>? If he is married do you know the wife? Maybe meeting her and seeing how “real” she is would help put it into perspective.
Post # 5
@anon42155: getting some attention from an attractive person is always exciting. Just stop going through his pictures and when you think of him purposely focus on something else. Try to divide 36471 by the square root of 6973.
Post # 6
This is all perfectly normal.. But you need to stop it before it escalates! Your mind is messing with you, and you’re allowing yourself to continue to think about him by checking FB, etc. I would honestly do more fun things with your Fiance, let your brain remember why you are getting married, and lay off the other dude and only hang out during group activities. Limit contact!
If it gets worse, or your relationship with your Fiance is jeopardized, I would say you need to cut him totally out, and re-evaluate your engagement.
Post # 7
@anon42155: Then don’t message him anymore and don’t do any other flirtatious stuff. Don’t talk to him unless your Fiance is around.
Post # 8
@anon42155: I agree with PP – the attention is nice and letting your mind wander every now and then is normal – but CANT go any farther.
Don’t be alone with him. No drinking. No actions that you wouldn’t do for any other of FIs co-workers ie. messaging on FB.
You are still in safe zone, but teetering on the edge. Good luck to you and Fiance.
Post # 9
Its only our natural biological instinct to be attracted to someone deemed more masculine, or in your head perceived as a superior alpha male.
It will pass, but don’t let it go on or escalate… definitely not more fb messages!!!
Post # 10
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
It’s normal. One of my coworkers is SO adorable, I totally have a mini-crush on him. You just have to let it pass.
I agree with everyone who says to stop PMing him and ESPECIALLY (!!!!!!) DON’T drink with him!
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
You are fine to feel attracted to someone who is not your husband, but just like PP, I suggest you NOT entertain it.
I think everyone is guilty of finding someone else other than there SO attractive, so don’t think you are alone. However, the FB message was a little overboard.