(Closed) Crush on work college, do I tell FI?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

Cut off as much contact with this new colleague, and I wouldn’t tell your Fiance. This is something you need to work on in yourself.

Post # 4
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

Don’t tell him, and don’t beat yourself up about it, either. Being married (usually) means committing yourself to staying faithful to one person. Being married does NOT mean gouging your eyes out of your head or never talking to the opposite sex again. It will fade with time as long as you don’t fuel it (get coffee alone with this person, etc.) Your Darling Husband will have crushes, you will have crushes, you will both find other people attractive as they jog by shirtless … doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with your marriage, just means you’re human 😉 But your Darling Husband also has a right not to know certain things. It probably wouldn’t feel great for your self esteem if your Darling Husband confessed tearfully every single time he saw a girl sunning herself in the park and felt a little lusty, would it? So keep it to yourself.

Post # 5
8730 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Winterbride_England:  Your Fiance doesn’t get to own your thoughts just because he put a ring on it. As long as that is all it is there is no need to share.

Post # 7
44 posts

Winterbride_England:  Aww it’s okay hun. It’s totally normal. Definitely don’t tell your Fiance. Of course you don’t want to keep secrets from him but this us not something that he needs to know since it actually isn’t anything at all. As you’ve said, you won’t ever act on it. 

I remember a friend of mine telling me are had a mini crush on a colleague of hers too while she was dating her now Darling Husband. I was shocked since she always talked about her Darling Husband being the one for her etc. but when I saw her colleague, I could totally understand her feelings. The man was a cross between George Clooney and Brad Pitt! For me, once I started dating my Fiance, I haven’t laid eyes on anyone else though – he stole my eyes as well as my heart haha.

Post # 8
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My Fiance knows who I find physically attractive, I was very ill and mentioned I found the nurse very cute. He laughed and said that he did not find that look very attractive at all.  I think his feelings were a bit hurt that I found someone else attractive, but he got over it.  He’s not as visiual as most guys, becuase of his over-riding engineer-type “if it’s not practical, I don’t care” personality.

It really depends on how your Fiance would handle it and how much you share.  My Fiance knows not to share his mountian biking adventures becuase no matter how tame they upset me.  I do not share things with my Fiance that are plans more than a few months in the future becuase he finds that upsetting.  (except our wedding, he’s excited for that).

Post # 9
1531 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013


Winterbride_England:  i think almost everyone has had a crush on a colleague at one point.  Its completely normal – anyone that works full time spends alot of time with their colleagues.  I never tell my Darling Husband if I have a crush or flirt with a colleague – but i make sure he knows about all my work friends even if he hasnt met them yet.  Just be aware of your flirting level – and dont cross any boundaries. If you work with the guy it will be hard to cut off contact from him – but basically dont do anything that you feel like you need to hide from your Darling Husband (lunch dates, excessive emails/texts, etc)

Post # 10
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014


Winterbride_England:  There is nothing to be gained from telling your Fiance about it at this point. In fact, it will probably do a lot more harm than good to your relationship if you do. Crushes are normal. The important thing is that nothing has happened between the two of you. You better cut off all non-essential contact with this guy and get over this crush. Keep it to yourself unless you want to risk unnecessarily ruining what you have with your Fiance.

Post # 11
4412 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Winterbride_England:  No need to tell your Fiance. Crushes are normal. Just don’t fuel the fire and they go away pretty quickly. I’ve noticed that if I do find myself having a little crush it’s because the guy reminds me of Darling Husband in some way-looks, personality, similar sense of humor. Darling Husband has the whole package though, so it’s no contest. 🙂 

Post # 12
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Winterbride_England:  I find it interesting that you say you adore your fiance. There was no mention of you loving him? I think you really need to reassess your feelings for him because it’s not fair to marry someone if you’re not in love with them, and the other party believes you love them as much as they do.

Post # 13
1245 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

futuremrschristensen:  Adoring vs. loving – isn’t that kind of splitting hairs, semantically? Not to be blunt, but that sounds like awfully shaky grounds to accuse OP of something as serious as marrying someone she isn’t in love with.

That escalated quickly.

Post # 15
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I think you should chat with him about it. My fiance and I understand that it’s naive to think we won’t occasionally crush on other people, and so we have an agreement to tell each other when that’s happening so we can work on making our relationship better. I always feel so good about us when we have those talks (happens maybe once or twice a year) because that level of trust makes me feel more secure in my relationship and like I can be honest with my fiance about anything that’s on my mind. I also know it will keep me from cheating in the future when I otherwise might accidentally cross a line, because we hold each other accountable when we find out one of us is attracted to somebody at work or whatever. I know I can be honest before things even begin to go too far, and it helps us work on spicing up our relationship or doing little things for each other that fell by the wayside at some point. Similarly, when he tells me about someone at his school or work, I feel happy that he trusted me and respected me enough to tell me. 

Maybe you could talk to each other and get to a point where you agree to talk about things like this without getting angry/hurt. We do this in an effort for total honesty and transparency in our relationship, and it really is helpful for us. 

Besides, if something is bothering you or making you feel guilty, you should always be able to talk about it with your partner.

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