(Closed) Cry for help! In-law drama

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
46411 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@FrugalBride2B:  I would simply tell her that at this point you are looking at being in your apartment yourselves and are unable to host them.

 

Refer them to Priceline, Hotwire, AirBnB to find accomodation they  can afford.

 

Post # 4
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@julies1949:  +1

It’s perfectly okay to say that you don’t know what your plans will be yet so you’re unable to offer them your apartment, and you hope they can find affordable accomodations nearby. Under no circumstances should you offer them your free hotel room. If you wind up being able to get the free hotel room, then you can decide whether to let them stay at your apartment on the night you’ll be away. But it’s really okay to say, “Nope, sorry, we don’t have room to accomodate guests the night before/after the wedding. Please let us know if we can help you find inexpensive accomodations.” 

Post # 5
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Oh ick Frown

 

I would just be honest with her, to a point.  Let her know that you’re not sure if you’ll have the hotel room or not, since it is only GIFTED to you by the hotel if you have X amount of guest bookings.  If you do not have a room, you’d need to stay at your apartment, so you’d hate to commit to something now only to retract later.

 

If you’re feeling particularly snarky – which I would be by now – you could mention that you’re likely doing your own beauty routine that day to save $, and it’s saving you at least $X.  Shoot her a link to hotels in the area that are near that price range she’s spending on her own beauty. 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Honestly, I wouldn’t give them anything. Tell them you’re staying home, and don’t mention the free room. It’s none of their business. They’re adults, they should be able to handle their own accomodations. If she can get her nails and hair done, she can afford a room for them to stay in.

 

Post # 7
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@FrugalBride2B:  Just tell her that you are sorry, but your Fiance was mistaken, and at this point you will most likely be staying at your apartment.

 

I can’t think of a single reason under these circumstances that you should offer them your free hotel room. After all, what happens if you don’t get it? Then you’ll have to tell them the hotel room fell through and now they are out of a place to stay. They need to book a hotel room no matter what happens, so just tell them you are staying at your apartment and don’t metion the hotel room. They can figure out what to do from there. It’s not your responsibility to figure out where your adult in-laws are going to sleep.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@FrugalBride2B:  they should be able to find somewhere else or she can forego getting her nails and hair done. I’d say that there’s a change of plans—they have plenty of time to save for a hotel room. 

Post # 10
Hostess
11606 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

@FrugalBride2B:  under no circumstances should you allow them access to your apartment when you are not there. I have girlfriends in your situation, and Mother-In-Law went thru all of her stuff, including a diary, and shared it with the family to prove my gf was not “Christian” enough for her son. Said diary was copied ans distributed. It tore the family apart. Do yourself a favor and maintain boundaries. It’s not your problem that they have behaved so badly that no one wants to host them. 

Post # 11
Member
7738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

YOU don’t do anything. You let your fiance deal with them – they’re his family. If Future Mother-In-Law emails you, forward the email to your fiance.

And yes, he should tell them that sorry, there’s no space, they’ll need to splash out and hire a hotel for 1 or 2 nights for their son’s wedding.

Post # 12
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yeah I agree with PP to not let them stay in your apartment. That’s just asking for trouble.

 

Out of curiosity, is your fiance religious or nonreligious?

Post # 13
Member
3553 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I could have written so many parts of this post myself. We live in MN, while his parents are back home. His mother, grandmother, and sister are all upset about our engagement because I’m not religious enough. I also make it worse because I’m a scientist, oh the blasphemy (yeah they’re those kind of christains). When Fiance broke the news of our engagement over the phone to his mother one of the first things out of her mouth was don’t have children. She has yet to say congratualtions, though after 4.5 months his grandmother broke down and wrote us a short note congratulating us in response to our engagement annoucement. I’m lucky though that his father and father’s side loves me and are very enthusiastic about the upcoming wedding. We also don’t have to deal with our parent’s travel arrangements because we’re going back to our hometown to get married. I guess I’m accomodating his family by planing long distance (my family can afford to travel, his cannot).

I absolutely would not feel obligated to accomodate his parents demands, especially when you cannot afford it. They’re going to have to spring for their own accomodations.

Post # 16
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@FrugalBride2B:  that’s rather what I suspected. My husband’s family is very religious too while he is not. They were often not at all accepting of that, but fortunately had about fifteen years to get used to it before I came into the picture. They will either get used to it with time… or continue being judgemental and you will just rarely see them. The one thing I will say is make sure you know what you will do about any future kids and the inlaws. Because mine have apparently in the past had issues with being… extremely judgmental towards nonreligious people… we already have a rule that any future children will never be left alone with his parents. Seems harsh but we don’t want the mental torture visited on them that they put my husband through when he was younger for not conforming to their beliefs. We sorted this in premarital counseling, which I really recommend if you can afford it (our counselor usually does religious premarital/marital counseling but just dropped the religiony parts for us and it worked out perfectly). I know this is totally unrelated to the question in the post, haha, but that’s my two cents on the inlaws issue.

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