(Closed) Cry it out? I'd love to hear your successful/unsuccessful stories

posted 3 years ago in Babies
  • poll: Cry it out?
    Yes, it's hard but worth it in the long run : (29 votes)
    30 %
    No, it's cruel : (34 votes)
    35 %
    Do what you feel is best for you and your baby : (35 votes)
    36 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    1149 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

    Ok I’m going to go against the norm here but feel that you could benefit from a positive experience of CIO.  You see we had to go to CIO with my Darling Husband at 4 months. He has been an awesome sleeper from day one but at 4 months he it sleep regression and we went though a period where he would wake up every 30-45 min all night long and he wouldn’t nap either. It was brutal. He was in his own crib but in our room. We tried soothing, we tried pick up put down, we tried co-sleeping, NOTHING worked. One night after almost 2 weeks of this we were so exhausted we decided to just try to let him cry it out. It was so, so hard for me to do, but I was at my wits end. He cried for about 20 min and then fell asleep and have been a fantastic sleeper ever since and he is now 19 months.

    Do I think I have emotionally scarred him? Well, he is very well balanced and has very strong trust in me and my Darling Husband according to our daycare staff who have been amazed and commented on this frequently since he started there at 1 year (in Canada so longer mat leave). He is happy, very loving, gentle with other kids and with animals, listens and takes direction very well and is very independant. So no, I don’t think he has suffered from it.

    At the end of the day, every parent and every child is different. I think you have to trust your instincts and do what is right for you, yout baby and your family.

    Post # 32
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    Magicmc :  “I would laugh when my friends would complain that they still had to get up at night with their 2 year olds.”

    Wow, what a nice friend you are ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿป๐Ÿ™„

    Post # 33
    Member
    6447 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I never had the heart to allow CIO with my children. What we did do was have a bedtime routine at the same time every night. We put baby down awake, but drowsy in a dark room in their crib. That was usually enough to have them fall asleep initially. When they woke, after the age where they needed to be fed during the night, we would go into their room, but not turn on the light. We would gently rub their tummy or back (if they were old enough to have turned over on their own) without speaking until they calmed down. I was almost ready to try CIO with my son when he was 9 months old. Darling Husband kept trying to get me to try it, and we disagreed. That particular night, Darling Husband was trying to convince me to let him cry, which delayed me going into his room for a few minutes. By the time I was going to go, he had stopped crying. So in the end he cried for maybe 6 or 7 minutes and then fell asleep again. He didn’t wake up during the night again after that.

    It was a LONG first year with each of my babies. But they are only little once. I wanted them to be able to trust that mum would always be there for them, so I never wanted to go strictly with CIO. We used baby steps in between (regular routine, soothing without lights on, then soothing without lights or speaking) and it worked for us. Every parent needs to do what’s right for their own family.

    Post # 34
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    amanda3334455 :  Yes, I agree that each mother should be the judge of what’s best for baby. If my children had shown any signs of stress, I would have changed tactics. I would never have let my children be traumatized.

    But I disagree that I was “lucky” to have succeeded with the Ferber method. Thousands (millions?) of parents have managed just fine. Key is discipline and follow-through. If you cave in even one time, you start back at square one.

    Oh, and to add to the fun, I had to sleep train as well as wean them from night feelings (which was not necessary anymore). I breastfed both babies for close to year, but they had to learn to sleep without a boob in their mouth๐Ÿ˜‰

    Post # 35
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Cory_loves_this_girl :  We would all laugh at each other over typical baby issues. Also, I’m still best friends with 6 of those women today and our kids grew up together. And they are best friends.

    So, yeah, they all hated me. And vice-versa. Lol

    Post # 36
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    MeandYou :  I know, right? They fail to realize that once you go down that road, they are setting themselves up for a LOT of sleepless nights. No Bueno for me either!

    Post # 37
    Member
    1214 posts
    Bumble bee

    emileem :  I highly recommend the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” Dr Marc Weissbluth. I give it to all new moms as a shower gift. Hands down the best instructional book I found for helping your child learn to sleep on his own  and I read ALL of them. I like the balanced nature of it. Mommy no sleep, mommy no good to anyone.๐Ÿ˜ฃ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜–๐Ÿ˜ฉ

    Post # 39
    Member
    621 posts
    Busy bee

    Magicmc :ย  to each his own, but it’s pretty rude to judge and laugh at people who don’t CIO and attribute your baby’s sleep “success” to the method you used without knowing if someone else with a child with a different temperament would have the same experience. No one has real proof that teaching a baby to sleep by CIO is actually teaching them to self-soothe or just to accept that no one is coming. And seeking out an adult they love IS a form of self-soothing. And we don’t have proof that CIO is harmful, either, so again, to each his own. Every parent needs to do what works for them. For us, that’s not crying, and my daughter is a great nighttime sleeper and is gradually becoming a more independent sleeper, at her own pace.ย 

    Post # 42
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee

    9 to 10 is probably a far too late bed time for a kiddo that young. With most sleep issues the answer is get to bed earlier. 

    A nap so close to bedtime is possibly throwing off sleep patterns. 

    I would gradually move bed time closer to 6 or 7 at the latest thought if work is starting soon I’d go for 6 so baby can have 12 hours overnight plus naps.

    Sleep begets sleep. So good day sleep means better night sleep. 

    We did modified CIO with our twins around 5 months and it was amazing. Unlike us their crying isn’t always a sign of freaking out but rather a I don’t like this. Not sleep training is a luxury twin parents don’t have.

    Post # 43
    Member
    177 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    jetsetbee :  what is your business how my friends and I relate to each other? I’ve known them 25 years and our kids literally grew up together. They can laugh at me and I can laugh at them.

    Practically everyone Ferberized. Do you even know what that is? It’s not leaving your baby alone, crying in a dark room. Educate yourself before your criticize the method. And anyway,  the point of the OP was what worked for and what didn’t. Or something along those lines, so my success should not be causing any sour grapes with you.

     

    Post # 44
    Member
    4426 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    emileem :  Our DS slept in our room until 5 months. First in his car seat/stroller (he had reflux) and then his pack n’ play. I’m trying to remember, but I’m pretty sure we began CIO (a lighter form) pretty early, maybe 4ish months? But, he still needed to wake once at night until just around 5 months for a bottle. It was when his feeding started changing time and being inconsistent that we would let him CIO. We do CIO always now (naps and bedtime) at 8 months, but we have a very easy baby who sleeps well and rarely cries. If he does, it’s usually 2-3 minutes and out. You can begin now for naps and bedtime, but make sure LO still gets those night feeds until he/she is really ready to stop. 

    Post # 45
    Member
    4426 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    emileem :  I just saw your last post. When DS was your baby’s age, we were putting him to bed too late (8:30-9:00) which was making his sleep worse. I started shifting his bedtime by 15-20 minutes until it was around 7:30. He slept so much better and longer and that was when he started cutting out his night feed. If your baby is ready for a nap at that time, I’d trying putting them down for bed at that time. If the last nap of the day ends around 4ish, they’re usually ready for a 7pm bedtime. 

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