(Closed) Crying really hard, please help :( Kinda long…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LadyInGreen:  I’m so sorry. Such harsh words from family can be terribly stinging. Like you said, though, do your best to ignore her. She’s obviously very unhappy (and has been for quite most of her life, it seems) and is taking it out on others. You are very sweet to visit her even though you knew her demeanor, and you should take pride that your kindness far outdoes any spite she has.

Post # 4
5388 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m sorry. My step grandmother was like that. She was evil until the day she died (but she didn’t say mean things about me). I would visit occasionally, but rarely. I wouldn’t visit her as much. Family or not, I don’t think it is worth to deal with people like this. It would be a different situation if she had alztimers and didn’t realize what she was saying or who she was talking to. Can you have your parents talk to her before you start to push away (if that is what you choose to do)?

Post # 5
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Honey, your grandmother is a bitch.

You truly cannot choose your relatives, but you are in control of how much you allow yourself to be in her toxic presence.

I am sorry- hugs.

Post # 7
472 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I had the same situation with my grandmother on my dad’s side- she despised my mother, and therefore hated my mothers children. My grandma is also ill now, and I’ve thought about seeing her again since she probably doesn’t have much longer, but her hateful actions from my younger years have kept me away. As PP said, it was very kind of you to go see her. Try to ignore her, she obviously doesn’t know what kind of person you really are- or refuses to see it. Unfortunately, she probably wont get any nicer with age. Keep your head up!

Post # 9
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Iquantan’s opening line made me bust out laughing too. Bhahaha! I guess there’s not much you can do about this miserable, miserable old woman. Something went wrong in her life but that’s not your problem. 

So, wipe those tears away and turn to your rock, your man…the one who wants to marry you. That’s all that matters in the end. 

Post # 10
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

first thing huge hugs to you!

secondly screw her!  let her die alone and miserable and it will not be your fault – no one should spend their time tearing down a person to feel like shit just so they can feel better about themselves.  i dont care if she is old, sick and lonely – she created that life for herself so please do not waste any more time on that person. 

she is not worth your tears or your attention!  go live a healthy happy life without this negativity in it – life is to short to let others make you feel like crap

Post # 11
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I should say I don’t hink you should end your relationship with your grandma with feelings of hate. Like I said before, she has issues. We all tned to chose which way our life goes, but sounds like she chose the wrong path and it ended up being the path of no return. Maybe she didn’t deserve whatever happend to her along the way that made her so hateful and mean. Consider forgiving her in your heart, writing down some things you appreciate about her (if anything) but no, you do not have to see her again. No one would blame you. 

Post # 12
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Holocene:  I definitely have that in common with you and the OP – my grandmother never had a problem with making it clear right in front of me that she did not like my mother. Why? Oh, no particular reason, just lots of stupid ones that basically added up to she didn’t like any of the in-laws, but since my mom was the only DIL she took the brunt of her rudeness, so when I stood up for my mom and turned out to be and look a lot like her, she didn’t like me either. She much preferred the children of her daughters to me, and it was always quite obvious, though she would tone it down around my dad.

Honestly, if I were you I would stop visiting her. I know you’re worried you’ll regret it, so I suppose that is your choice to make…but it just sucks that she is getting to hurt you on purpose with no consequences. But I’m sure it’s easier for me to say you should cut her off because mine made that decision for me. For all I know she could of gotten ill and died, I would have no idea. Though my situation is a bit different, she and her daughters ended doing something terrible that just so completely crossed the line my father, mother, and I no longer speak to any of his family.

ETA: I just saw the comment about your grandfather…that would make it more difficult. Is there any way you can see him and not her, or are they too ill to leave the home? If not, you could take him out to lunch or something. But otherwise…just don’t let her hatred affect what should be a happy time in your life.

Post # 13
7769 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

My paternal Groomsmen rarely had a kind word for any of us kids either.  Actually,she was crazy as a loon; constantly babbling to herself.  None of her five idiot adult children thought to get her treated medically, we had to put up with the same kind of hateful, hurtful comments.

Some families are just plain toxic and the best you can do is avoid contact as much as possible. She’s never going to be the loving grandma you want and deserve.  I am sorry for that.

Post # 14
79 posts
Worker bee

@LadyInGreen:  Oh honey! I feel your pain, mine is with the hag currently married to my “grandfather” (whole other story on my issues with him), My mom is from my grandfathers first marriage my moms real mom passed away before she could even remember her, so she naturally hates all of us kids of my moms….shes just a hag, just be there for your grandfather and ignore her.  I know its awful of me, but i understand ur desire to push away, just know youve tried and that it is hard for people to understand until they have suffered through it…just keep your chin up! and know that u are the better person! And the people that really love you will understand your decisions! and the rest of the world can shove it….surround yourselves with those who deserves your presence, and just remember that just because someone is related by blood doesnt mean they desrve the honor.

Post # 15
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LadyInGreen:  She sounds like a really bitter person, I’m so sorry that you are going through this. You just can’t listen to a word of it, she is the one with the problem, not you. ::hugs:: and I hope things look up for you – try and focus your attention anywhere but on her. Keep positive and just block (as much as you can) all the negative people in your life.

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