Post # 1
I’m so embarrassed. This doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s bad. A little backstory, I had a pretty traumatic childhood and my biological father spent most of it in jail or on drugs. We no longer have a relationship (my choice), but due to this I’ve got some pretty bad daddy/abandonment issues.
Well last night we celebrated father’s day with SO’s dad and step-mom and their family. They were in from another country, so there was lots of wine and good food. SO’s uncle (who speaks no English) kept pouring everyone wine, and I’ll be the first to say I was drunk. Probably had about five glasses over the course of four hours. I don’t remember after a certain point, and SO saw the “look” on my face so asked his step-mom (the only sober one) to drive us home.
He says I was fine until we got in the car, then half-way through the ten minute drive I started crying (with her in the car) and telling him that he didn’t love me and he was just going to leave like everyone else (cue abandoment issues surfacing). When we got home he put me to bed, and I didn’t remember a thing this morning.
He told me what happened when we woke up, and he said that it hurts him when I say those things (for obvious reasons). I profusely apologized, and assured him that I know he loves me and that I know he’s not going anywhere. I then texted his step mom apologizing, and she was more than nice; said that they all had a good time and that “I’m adorable when I cry” (doubtful). She also texted him and told him I’m officially part of the family lol.
But I’m just wondering how I can make this stop happening? I don’t think I have a drinking problem, it’s just occassionally I get to a certain point and the waterworks come on. I can’t afford therapy, but I know that’s probably what would help the most. It only happens about once every six months, but I know that it hurts my SO when I question whether he loves me, etc. He’s expressed that he wants to marry me, and that it will be very soon (I’m a waiting bee at the moment), so I should be content knowing that he’s in it with me for good. I just wish I could stop crying, it’s embarrassing and hurts more than the hangover the next day.
“Everyone’s got baggage, you just have to find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack” – this is my SO, exactly. I love that man more than anything.
Post # 3
How can you stop this from happening? Stop drinking. I would say drink less so you do not get to that point but that may not be an option for you. I know for me there was a time when I had to not drink at all because I would get very emotional and it never ended well and put a serious strain on the relationship I was in at the time.
Now that I am older, I don’t have the desire to drink as much as I once did so I can go out an just have a drink or two and I cut myself off and I am fine.
Counseling would probably help with the underlying issues but since that doesn’t seem like an option, I say stop drinking or dramatically cut your drinking back (give yourself a 1 or 2 drink limit when you go out and make sure you and your bf make you stick to it!)
And you are so right about the embarassment the next day being infinitley worse than the hangover! I can totally relate! Just cut back, you’ll be okay! 🙂
Post # 4
As someone who doesn’t even really have “issues” I get very emotional when I drink (especially when I drink wine!) and will cry at just about anything… I understand the feeling and the accompanying embarassment afterwards.
I would highly suggest therapy to nip this in the bud once and for all… There are resources out there that are free/low cost that would help… I would look into AL-ANON and a support group about abandonment (these DO exist). Do a google search for your area.
And in the mean time really work on the drinking, it isn’t an “alcoholic” problem so much as an occasional over drinking. Try to figure out your limits and what alcohol doesn’t stir up those feelings, I know for me wine will bring up any insecurity or weepiness after 3 glasses and Tequila brings out my wild side after one shot… so I stay far FAR away from those. Just try to learn your limits and learn to talk about your feelings when you are sober, usually when these things come out in drunken outbursts it’s because you’ve been bottling it up inside and not talking about it until it spews out like word vomit.
I’m very sorry your going through this, but I hope I helped point you in the right direction! ::hugs::
Post # 5
@MrsWBS: Yes, I know I just need to make sure I set a limit and stick to it. Typically I don’t go past 1 or 2, especially around family, but his uncle just kept pouring them and I kept drinking them. Wine is so much a part of their culture that I can’t say I won’t drink with them again, but I’ll have to firmly say no after about two.
@o0olibelulao0o: Thanks for the advice, I’ll look into the abandonment support group. I was thinking about seeing if the church had anything, usually that sort of thing is free. I’d really like to nip the issue in the bud, since when I “drunk cry” it’s always that same issue – I figure if I can work on that then I’ll stop crying – hopefully 🙂
Thanks for the support, ladies. I’ll cut back and try to reign in the tears.
Post # 6
You need to stop drinking. Just because someone is pouring it for you doesn’t mean you can’t say no.
Post # 7
I know it can be tough – especially when people keep pouring and it’s easy to lose track! But, if you are a fast drinker, consciously try to drink slower, too – your glass will be refilled much less! And once you reach your max, if someone pours another glass, just “milk” it and sip here and there without drinking it. No one should pressure you to keep drinking if you politely say no thank you. Try not to be too hard on yourself about the other night – it happens to everyone at some point! 🙂
Post # 8
ummmm this is an EASY FIX!!! DONT DRINK!!! drinking = crying and emotional issues so if you dont drink you wont have the problem!
Post # 9
Yeah, sorry, but the excess vino has got to go. I had some emotional issues in college because of my recovery from an abusive boyfriend, and for a few years got very emotional when I had too much to drink. I had to just cut the drinking back to where I didn’t have too much (which is hardly a bad idea anyway). Have 2 full glasses of water in between each drink, and you’ll have a hard time getting so drunk that you can’t hold yourself together.
Post # 10
urgh. I had the exact same problem. I would drink and “overshare” and freak out. It was so embarassing the next day.
I think the two solutions you already know: therapy or not drinking.
I also think talking about your feelings and not bottling them up helps them not “expode” so much when drunk :/
Post # 11
I’m not sure the advice to cut back on drinking is prudent; I think the OP should cut out all drinking until she works through her other issues. As one cuts down on drinking, one’s tolerance likewise decreases, and before long it won’t be three glasses of wine that pushes her over the edge, it’ll be two. And then she will be right back where she is now.
It can be really hard to say No in social settings but folks will forget sooner or later that you weren’t drinking. They will not as easily/quickly forget that you were sitting in a corner, crying.
Post # 12
I have met a couple of people before that every time they drink they cry (both women), they cannot have a drink without becoming a sobbing mess, and usually thyey are quite happy people. Apart from that they are fine when they are sober, some people are not meant to drink in excess. Its great you text the step mum and she was fine, so you can move on. People make mistakes you cannot dwell on it. I have done silly things while drunk which I regret what I said etc and how I behaved. I dont drink to excess anymore, I try to drink slower and stop when I feel tipsy rather than keeping on going. It was a one off so learn from it. It only becomes a problem if you keep doing it.
Post # 13
It doesn’t make sense to me to say just stop drinking. Alcohol consumption reduces your inhibitions, right? So you are saying things you are probably thinking at other times, and they’re coming out because you’re not stopping yourself from talking. SO…you should examine what you say, and why you say it. Drinking may bring it out, but it’s there regardless of whether you continue to enjoy yourself or not.
Also studies have found that moderate drinkers live longer than teetotalers.
Post # 14
I didn’t mean completely completely stop. I just know that for me, for example, I can have one drink and be fine, but if I have two, even if I am not drunk I start thinking ” Im having a great time, one more wont hurt! ” and then its all down hill from there…. :S Im also a light weight though, so sometimes even one glass is too much.