(Closed) Crying wreck – should I confront my brother?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@eocenia:  unfortunately as we get older our lives get in the way.  i wouldn’t confront him but just let him know that you miss him and would love to spend some time together.

this sounds exactly like my dh and his sister (only sibling).  we moved to another country as well but travel back every once in a while.  she is never available.  she always takes time off for her horse shows so i understand that she needs to work to make it up.  the sad part is that she knows when we are coming, she always has tuesdays off and instead of spending time with her brother, she chooses to go to the barn to ride her horse.  then the appauling part is that she bitches that she doesn’t get to see her brother when he’s home.  wtf???  my dh just doesn’t make the effort any more.

when we got married, she was my dh’s best woman.  she was late for the rehearsal by an hour ++ and then, the day of, she left right after dinner.  there was a horse show out of town that weekend and gave the impression that we were putting her out by missing the saturday part of the show.

when we booked our venue (5 months prior) she kept reminding us of a show april 21.  fine, so we booked the 28th.  well, she was wrong.  the show was the weekend of the 28th.  that is not our fault.

so trust me, i know what it’s like to have someone in the family like this but it’s their life and they are entiled to do what they want with it.

sorry, it does make it easier.

Post # 4
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

So much love for you. <3 This reminds me a lot of my FI’s brother–he no longer sees his family as important, and that’s pretty obvious. We just found out yesterday that he won’t be best man (much to our relief), and Fiance just told me today that they might not even make it to the wedding. They’ve known about the wedding since we got engaged February of 2012. They got a save the date 11 months in advance. He works full time with LOTS of overtime, they have very few expenses (less than we do and he makes twice what I do), but they still “might not be able to afford it.”

Post # 5
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I don’t think you should confront him, because I don’t see what you would possibly gain from doing so.

I understand you’re hurt, and what he is doing is sucky, but unfortunately he has made his priorities clear. If you confront him, and he changes his plans then it will be out of obligation, and not because he wants to-and isn’t that kind of the point? You want him to want to.

It is possible he thinks you’ll be too busy with wedding stuff anyway. And remember, he is coming to the wedding, and I doubt he works seven days a week. You should still be able to find time to spend with him.

I’m sorry 🙁

Post # 6
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would not confront him…if he was skipping the wedding itself, maybe. But since it sounds like plans to be there for the big day, I’d let it ride.


Post # 7
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@eocenia:  i agree with PP that you should not confront him. unfortunately, he has already made those plans, they probably can’t be changed, and i’m willing to bet that any confrontations you have will only make you feel worse and damage your relationship with your brother. if you had said that he was not coming to your wedding, i would feel differently for sure! but keep an open mind, perhaps he will spend more time with you than you think when you are there for your wedding.


Post # 9
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@eocenia:  *hugs* I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, it would kill me to move away from my family, we’re very close too. If any of my brothers refused to spend time with me I’d be pretty devastated too. I can’t offer advice but I do have a funny cat picture, I hope it makes you feel a little better… 



Post # 10
557 posts
Busy bee

First of all: damn you look very Swedish, haha. Secondly, I understand where you’re coming from. I also live in the US, but am from Europe and my entire family still lives there. The issue is probably not even that much about the wedding, but that you barely ever see him if he is working while you are there. As an “American” I would say, it can’t be avoided…but as a European I know that he proably has 6 weeks of vacation, and taking everything, before the sister visits from overseas, seems rude.


I would not make a drama about it, but I would definetly express that you wished you could spend more time with them. But I also think men tend to forget everything and everyone when they are in a relationship, while women tend to keep friends and famiily still in mind. I even learned that in my gender class in college, ha. I am sure he doesn’t mean to hurt you, and at least you’ll have a long WE with them!


Post # 12
629 posts
Busy bee

I don’t know what can be said that hasn’t been already, so I’ll leave you with this.

Post # 15
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

*hugs* so sorry you have to deal with this! siblings can make things really difficult.

I know this isn’t really the same at all, but my younger sister (middle child) has informed me that she has zero intention of coming to my graduation next year for grad school. “I’ve already been to 2 of your graduations and it means nothing to me so why should I have to go to something stupid like that.” Keep in mind, my graduation is over a year away, and she’s already planning not to go. She’s sort of a d-bag. Also, she’s informed me (she’s not engaged yet)…that under no circumstance will she have myself or our little sister in her bridal party. “I already have my four friends so why should I include people that I don’t want to have?”….grrr…we aren’t exactly bff, but she is my sister and we grew up together. She’s a tool.

Sorry to turn your thread into a vent!!!!!!

But…know that you’re not alone, we all have siblings drop the ball, and totally understand where you’re coming from. Try not to let your brother’s actions ruin your beautiful wedding day!

Post # 16
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@eocenia:  well if your mom and you Fiance think it would be good for you to talk to him, maybe you should? they are much closer to the situation than anyone here. i know what it is like to feel like you care more than your sibling does…and it sucks. except, usually it’s just thoughtlessness and getting caught-up-in-the-moment and not a true lack of love. if you think you can express your feelings and not sound too accusatory, maybe it would help you?  to be honest– i would and have told my sister when i feel ignored or passed over!! because i can’t possibly keep it inside!

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