Post # 1
I have a ring picked out. We were originally emgaged but broke up several months ago. he wamted a new ring for the new engagement. He promised that official engagement would come soon, and to start planning. However, my parents have already begun wedding stuff, and when I try to discuss the wedding Stuff (in a subtle and nonconfrontational way) it ends badly. The wedding date is already set (HE set it, I agreed) for October. We have a 400+ guest list. No venue. Nothing. He won’t discuss it. He quit his week last week, and he plays baseball (minor) and is only focusing on that. He says he doesn’t want to move the wedding, but I know for a fact there is no ring (he told me), so no official proposal, and no money except for my income to Pay for a wedding. Lately, he has seemed emotionally disconnected from me, and won’t discuss It has been this way since last October, and I am SO TIRED of waiting for an official proposal that likely won’t come. I feel he is leading me on with wedding talk, but no action. I love him more than anything, but I’m tired of fighting him on this and I just really need some help!
Post # 3
Oh goodness… It sounds like you have tried really hard to get him to talk to you. How about suggesting pre-marital counseling? I feel like a third party might help.
Also, if you’re planning a wedding it sounds like you’re pretty officially engaged to me, ring or no. Is 2018 your wedding year? If so, five years is sooooo far from now there’s no way you could really lock down anything, so maybe he feels like the planning is happening too fast.
Post # 4
@BrideAliBean: the wedding is October 2013. Such a short time away! It frustrates me because he wants to largely keep the engagement a secret until the oofficial proposal. No ring, but the wedding is months away! Per-marital counseling is an excellent idea, but he might not go for it. He thinks we don’t have am issue.
Post # 5
@Anonamoose: It is time to step back from planning a wedding and to start working on your relationship. Why did you two call of the first engagement? Are you still dealing with the same issues?
Also, it doesn’t make sense that he wants a wedding, but won’t talk with you about it/gets upset. Lastly, you don’t have to have a ring/have an official proposal to be engaged, if you two agree to get married, then you are engaged.
It honestly sounds like you two are not on the same page and are not communicating effectively.
Post # 6
@jayjaybee: we were very young – 18. We both decided to start different colleges and it was difficult to be separated. We are older now, and we just kind of clicked back together. It was fine until basebalpic picked up, and I know it’s stressful t times. However, he even quit his job last week and said “I just wanted time off and I can always work later on”
I want to try to find a new way to approach this. I want to just talk to him and its tearing me apart that we have this issue. I want him to be happy
Post # 7
@Anonamoose: How old are you now? He may not really be ready for a marriage committment yet.
Post # 8
@Anonamoose: This is very confusing? From what you have told us it sounds like he’s not ready and he’s only saying he wants to get married to keep you happy. I would suggest counseling and if he says no than I would start questioning his commitment to you.
My Fiance and I were having problems communicating before we even got engaged. I asked him to see a counselor with me and told him it would benefit our relationship. He agreed and we have only improved since then… a yaer and a half later we’re happier then ever and we are getting married in June. I also told him before we got engaged that once it happened we would be planning the wedding right away, that way he knew it was happening very quickly.
Post # 9
@Anonamoose: I’m so sorry, he is stringing you along it seems. How disheartening, you are planning a wedding in 6 months and he wont discuss it? How stressful for you. You need to have a conversation with him and ask him in no uncertain terms are we getting married or not?
Post # 10
Wow…Do you know how fast October will come? This is crazy and if you love him and think he loves you then I would not cry, I would sit him down and say “What are you doing? How do you think we are going to plan this in a few short months? Loving me means being there for me and not allowing me to stress and communicating with me and if you can’t do that, I’m moving on”. Be firm!
Edited to add – he quit his job?? Does this sound like husband material???
Post # 11
He wants to have a secret-ish engagement until your wedding in 6 months? It’s been like this since last October? You are the only one putting down money for the wedding, which he neither wants to postpone nor discuss?
This is very troubling. He sounds like a guy who doesn’t want to get married in October, but doesn’t want to face that fact.
At the very least, don’t plan anything or put money down on anything, because he is sending all the, “I don’t want to go through with this signals.”
Post # 12
@Anonamoose: oh dear, does he know how much it costs for a wedding? And did you mean he quit his job? There are little red flags there. For the sake of your money, really, postpone the wedding. I know you really want it, but it sounds so one sided here.
Post # 13
He doesn’t want to tell you that he does not want to get married. He is hoping it goes away…
Post # 14
I’m with @Sunflower–girl if he wanted to get married he would have proposed already.
I suggest telling your parents not to do anymore wedding stuff and you either. Save you & their money.
At this point I’d just tell him you aren’t planning anything for the wedding at all since you aren’t engaged. If he says you will be blah blah say nope no more planning until he proposes with a ring.
He’s being very non-commital and I would seriously question your relationship with him, I mean you already called off your previous engagement for a reason.
Post # 15
Hey girl …. sounds like your in a pickle, I would try Emerson Eggerichs book and DVD’s called Love and Respect, they also have a conference you two could go to, it is religious if your into it if not it hits on things that are really important also though it teaches you to communicate with him and him with you check it out, it really helped my relationship bunches just teaching us what the other person needs, and just be honest and blunt tell him what you need and that your really upset about it but respect him at the same time, I hope everything works out for you