Cultural Differences

posted 3 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 2
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

If your culture is very important to you, and I can completely understand how it would be,…why are you possibly marrying someone whom is not respectful of this? 

It sounds like you really need to sit down with him again. Explain the importance of your culture in your life and for your future children. Then you have to see if he is willing to accept this or compromise. 

Personally it would be a dealbreaker me to have someone not be able to see the value in your culture if you’re heavily invested in it or your plans for your children knowing their culture from your side. I would want to know what other customs he may feel opposed to down the line especially if it ends up affecting children you may have. However, that’s just me.

Good luck!

Post # 3
Member
7857 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Hmm that is tough. What exactly is it about the engagement ceremony he objects to? Is it religious and he isn’t or something? I wonder if it would be possible to compromise by tweaking the ceremony in some way to make him more comfortable with it?

If you guys can afford it I would suggest some kind of premarital counseling. My Fiance and I are also from different cultures, countries, and religions, and I am considering premarital counseling. We love each other very much and have a great relationship, but there are just certain cultural differences and pressures from our families that are tough to navigate, and I feel like an unbiased third party could help sort through that stuff. 

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017 - France

My SO is French and I’m Afro-Caribbean, French people like to touch and kiss A LOT, it’s just not something we do in my culture, I was very uncomfortable at first but I’m living in France and this is a big part of the culture so I’ve gotten used to it. I still get a bit uncomfortable when someone I haven’t met before is kissing me on the cheeks.

My family doesn’t drink much but once again that’s something the French culture does, they always drink wine, beer, or champagne at a meal and they watch me very weird because I stick with water or juice lol. We’re trying to come to an agreement on what we’ll have to drink for the reception. SO says he doesn’t want a bar but I’m not sure if we’ll have champagne or wine or both as well as some island drink like sorrel or ginger beer.

We haven’t dealt with an issue like yours, but we’ll be doing a wine box ceremony which is a nod to his culture. It’s a wooden box that will have a bottle of wine and handwritten letters from both of us to the other, the box will be closed on our wedding day and opened on our 5th anniversary or when we feel like things are getting rocky. That will be the first time either of us gets to read what the other had written. We’ll drink and read and hopefully, it will remind us of why we had gotten married in the first place. We’re supposed to replenish the box after we open it and save it for our 10th anniversary or another rocky patch.

Post # 5
Member
323 posts
Helper bee

sankwa:  Hey I’m French and I’ve never heard of that but that really cool! I might steal that idea 😉

OP, I echo other posters. If trasnferring your culture and doing this ceremony is important to you, you need let your Fiance know how crucial it is for you. If this is what is part of what a wedding is in your culture, it is as good as the ceremony/reception/white dress western culture he has.

Post # 6
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I’m Jamaican and Irish and my husband is Cambodian. He wanted a traditional Cambodian wedding so I told him PERHAPS FOR A VOW RENEWAL! Lol

Post # 7
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

mrsluong11 :  I love the idea of a vow renewal as a second chance to do things you couldn’t the first time, but at the same time, I wonder…is anyone going to actually take it seriously and travel out of state/out of country to attend it just one year after they all flew in for the “real” wedding? How do make sure it’s not seen as something fluffy?

Post # 8
Member
84 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

akshali2000 :  either you would have to do it for the 5yr or do a fusion wedding of some sort!

Post # 9
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

mrsluong11 :  Gotcha thanks!

Post # 10
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

jkgaff2016 :  

I’m Indian and Italian and he is Irish. Not respecting your culture is a major red flag.

He needs to give you a good answer on why the day before ceremony isn’t ok. Is it money? (For example, that could show he will spend money on himself instead of you and what you want?) You mentioned he doesn’t think it’s important….but that is a part of a larger issue. It sounds like what is important to you and what you want is not worth it or important to him.

My Darling Husband doesn’t understand my cultural stuff. But he does understand it’s important to me, so it’s important to him. He can at least tolerate it. If your Darling Husband can’t even deal with something that is super important to you…he may not respect or value your needs. Being in an inter cultural relationship means expression both cultures and doing things for the other you may not want.

Post # 11
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

It sounds similar to us. I’m Indian-American and he is from India. Sometimes I have a hard time understanding why every little custom has to be followed…it seems like the best thing to do is to just separate them out into two events :/

Regarding traditional engagement ceremonies, I also don’t really see a need to do this, but I’m doing it for my mom. At least then we’ll be able to be ‘official’. We’ll likely just have it low key in my parents’ house. 

UPDATE: just saw the date on this. What did you end up doing? How was your wedding?

Post # 12
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I just googled the ceremony…………….man I don’t blame him.  I would never ask my husband to prostrate himself in front of my parents or his parents or 60% of the other stuff they described.  That is just so demeaning.  And who is exchanging this money they are talking about?  It almost sounds like the bride is being sold.  

Post # 13
Member
1365 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

jw2b :  Wait, what?!

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