(Closed) Cultural Differences in Gift-Giving

posted 9 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I can totally see your point AND your husband’s. He’s right, you shouldn’t have to give an “insane” amount just b/c your parents do. After all, i’m sure your parents are much more well off than you and your husband. However, culturally, you are right. You should give a monetary gift (since it’s your asian family…if it was your husband’s caucasian family i’d say give a registry item), but maybe scale it back a little. And your parents shouldn’t really be knowing how much you and your husband spend on your own gifts to other people, so just avoid telling her how much. It’s a little nosy. I think you’re totally cool scaling back on the cash yet still giving them money since you haven’t seen him in years. Even if you were close in high school/college, it’s been awhile.

Post # 4
Member
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I was also totally surprised by the amount of cash gifts we got from my new IL’s, that’s just something I haven’t been around.

I agree that if it’s the cultural norm to give cash, you should, and find an amount that you and your husband can agree on. Like EJS said, it’s nobody else’s business what you can afford to give. As far as your husband’s comment, it’s not just what your parents have done, it’s the way things are done!

Post # 5
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think a cash gift is fine since it is an association on your side. If it were reserved, you could give a registry item. Also, just give what you can afford. Fiance and I have started getting in a routine of giving $100 since its what we can afford at this stage in our lives.

Post # 6
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Did this person’s family attend your wedding?  If so, can you just remind your fiance how much they gave you guys?  Maybe that will make it easier for him to handle.

Post # 7
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i think your fiance should be cognizant of the fact that he chose to marry someone with a different cultural background and some of the things that are “normal” to you might be odd to him.

he should respect the fact that you need to give a gift out of cultural obligation, even if its more than he thinks is reasonable. after all, did he try to send back the exorbitant gifts of money that you two received at your wedding bc he didn’t know the people? i didn’t think so. 

like w. many things in marriage. find a compromise. have him pick a # he’s comfy with, you pick your # and meet in the middle maybe. or put your foot down and say that he needs to be respectful of cultural things that he might not understand. he should have been aware of this going in, so it shoudn’t be a big surprise! 

 

 

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