Post # 1
Member
34 posts
Newbee
I was born in the States but come from a very traditional (not typically “American” if I can use that phrase) family. I have an incredibly large family (mother has 13 siblings, father has 9 – all of them have children of their own, and their children have children, etc) and though we are INCREDIBLY close with our extended family, everyone has a title. There are words in our language to signify grandparents, parents, older siblings, older cousins, uncles, aunts, etc. Calling my friend’s parents by just their first names felt incredibly unnatural and rude. I never in my life could get myself to call anyone by just their first name — it always had to be a Mrs., Miss, Ms, Dr., or Mr. Something. I now have the dilemma of what to call my in-laws. For those of you with a similar background, what do you call your in-laws? They’re not the same ethnic background as me so they’re a little weirded out by me giving them a title in another language (ex. Don, Dona) I can’t think of anything other than Mr. & Mrs. A.
Post # 3
Member
4410 posts
Honey bee
- Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA
My husband calls my parents by their first names… I don’t know what I would call his mom if she were alive, but I don’t think I could call her by her first name. It just wouldn’t feel right. When I was married before, I called my inlaws mom and dad.
Post # 4
Bee
1466 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: March 2012 - Father\'s Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center
I call Mr. D’s mom, Mom and his dad by his first name. I also call both of his grandmothers “Grandma”. He calls my parents by their first names, and my grandmother “Grandma”. I think most of the time its what you and your in-laws are comfortable with.
Post # 5
Member
4822 posts
Honey bee
Ask them, really. Ask them what they want to be called. It could be Mrs, or first name or mom and dad.
Post # 6
Member
34 posts
Newbee
Thanks for your posts. Not knowing what they want me to call them isn’t the issue. I know they want me to just say “Mom/Dad” or “First name” but the problem with that is that because of how I was raised I inherently feel that is waaay too informal and disrespectful. In fact I cringed when my FH tried to address my parents by just their first names. They almost dropped dead at the “disrespect” but tried to write it off as “Well, he’s AMERICAN.” My parents would take offense on behalf of my in-laws if I didn’t give some sort of “respectful” title. Honestly, I avoid calling them anything specific…When I see them it’s “Heeeeeey, how’s it going?” On cards I would be comfortable writing ‘Mom & Dad’ because my FH’s name would be included and they are his actual parents. The point of my post was to see how multi-cultural couples who are used to always using specific titles with family members dealt with their inter-cultural differences with the whole title convention thing.
Post # 7
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
my situation is opposite, but similiar. When i was growing and even now, everything is very informal. Everyone just calls everyone by first names. My aunt by marriage, calls her Mother-In-Law by her first name. And so do all the other married aunts/cousins etc. Everyone is on a first name basis. And i don’t think it’s rude or disrespectful at all. If i want to be called by my first name, and someone insists on calling me something else, i find that disrespectful and rude.
But with my FI’s family, i don’t know what to call them. They have a SIL who calles them Mr and Mrs P. But i dont know if thats what they want to be called, or if that’s how he addrsses them. I’ve asked Fiance how they would want to be addressed, but he doesn’t know/hasn’t found out for me. So like you, i avoid calling them anything at all.
Post # 8
Member
4822 posts
Honey bee
Think of it this way, its disrespectful to call them something else different than what they requested. They ASKED for it.
If someone said, I want a pink bow, but you gave them a blue cow… wouldnt that be disrespectful?
They are your “elders” so you should respect what they request. Explain to your mom and dad that this is the tradition in their family. If the cultures are that different both families need to make concessions.
Post # 10
Member
1086 posts
Bumble bee
I will call them by their first names. My parents both called each others parents “mom & dad”. But I dont feel comfortable calling anyone besides my mother and father that.
Post # 11
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee
Im middle-eastern and what I call my Mother-In-Law is actually translated to “the wife of my uncle” in English. So Father-In-Law (if I had one) would be called Uncle. Its actually pretty weird now that I type it out lol.
Post # 12
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
I call mine mom and dad but because they asked me too!
Post # 13
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
I’m sure in your culture/language there is a proper title for one’s parents-in-law. Why not just try using that? Maybe try it at first only once in a while, to let them get used to it. Will your parents be interacting much? If not, then only use the special titles when you’re parents are around, and use the names they prefer when your parents are not around. Even if it feels weird now, eventually you will get used to it.
Post # 14
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
I call mine mom and dad but because they asked me too!
Post # 15
Member
34 posts
Newbee
@hopefloats: Ah, this is kind of what I was looking for. Do you and your husband’s family share the same cultural background? Did your in-laws ask you to call them (whatever the specific title), or was it just “understood” and expected?
Post # 16
Member
26 posts
Newbee
I call my FIL’s by their first names. My fiance calls my parents Mr. and Mrs. C____