Post # 1
Our reception is going to be a traditional chinese banquest with lots of seafood. My parents have graciously offered to pay for all of the food. FI’s family is not Chinese. Traditionally, 10 course banquets are reserved for “special foods” that you can’t order every day. We drafted a menu last night with the manager and my parents. We tried to make a couple concessions for non-chinese guests without compromising the integrity of the banquet menu.
Today, Fiance let his mom know what it would be and she’s not a fan of the menu, that it was too much seafood. His brother also said that he can’t eat it because he has diabetes…which doesn’t really have anything to do with seafood. He just doesn’t like seafood.
I really want my parents to enjoy the banquet they’re shelling out big bucks for, but I don’t want to piss off the future in laws. I really don’t think it’s fair to ask for the menu to be changed for just a few people out of ~160. Ergh.
Post # 3
Could you ask the venue to make up just a few non-seafood meals for the non-seafood eaters? FWIW, I’m not Chinese and went to a big Chinese banquet wedding and enjoyed myself! I wasn’t huge on a lot of what we ate (I don’t eat tons of seafood either) but I tried a bit of everything and enjoyed the experience. And then I loaded up on dessert 😉 If you’re having suckling pig or something, maybe your BIL could have that and skip the prawns or whatever?
Post # 4
@yaneres: Are there any options for non-seafood entrees? A chicken or a turkey/ham/beef option should appease them, and you shouldn’t have to make too many changes to the menu to include one extra type. I wouldn’t let them be fussy though, one option that’s not seafood is one option they can eat and be quiet about 🙂
Post # 5
I really want my parents to enjoy the banquet they’re shelling out big bucks for, but I don’t want to piss off the future in laws.
Don’t you want his parents to enjoy it, too, even though they’re not paying for it? I mean, it’s their child’s wedding too. Would it really be that big a deal to include some non-seafood options?
I really don’t think it’s fair to ask for the menu to be changed for just a few people out of ~160.
Yeah, but it’s not just *any* few people; it’s the groom’s parents. They shouldn’t have to choke down the food at their son’s wedding, IMO.
Post # 6
Ugh! Stupid WB ate my post. *grumbles*
ANYWAYS, here’s the gist of what I had typed before WB ate it:
As someone who dislikes seafood (I eat smoked salmon, canned salmon/tuna, oysters/clams/muscles, and shrimp, and that’s IT), I say keep the menu. It sounds like an important cultural thing, and with 10 courses, people should be able to find something they like.
That said, would it be possible for the venue to prepare vegetarian options of the meals? If so, I would just tell your FH’s family that the banquet menu is non-negotiable, but if they are really opposed to it, they can be served vegetarian courses instead.
Post # 7
@mightywombat: It’s a 10-course meal. There will be plenty of food for them to “choke down”. The impression I got from the OP was that it’s culturally significant, and it wouldn’t be possible to sub in a beef/chicken entree.
Post # 8
I like the idea of a vegetarian option as well, and I think that could take care of his parents as well as any non-seafood eaters. And tell you’re FI’s brother that he’s full of crap about the diabetes (as you seem to already know). I’m diabetic myself and seafood doesn’t raise my blood sugar unless it is fried because breading = carbs = higher blood sugar.
Post # 9
Sorry, I didn’t make it clear that the menu is not 100% seafood. There will be roast pig, pork cold cuts, roast chicken, peking duck and a vegetarian mushroom/greens dish. And it’s actually not the inlaws that don’t like seafood, it’s a few of the guests they’re concerned about.
Post # 10
@yaneres: Holy smokes! With seafood, pork (hot and cold), chicken, duck, and veggie dishes, these particular guests will either: 1- be happy with SOMETHING that’s offered, or 2-NEVER be satisfied with anything 🙂 I wouldn’t worry about changing anything up.
Post # 11
I’ve got the same issue you do. I’m working with the manager to have an “Americanized” menu of chicken with vegetables, wonton soup, and springrolls for the people who wouldn’t try some of the more traditional foods. Since it’s all served family style, with 10 per table, they can always try what they want, but they’ll start out at the same time as everyone with their own 3 courses. Because it’s less than 10 people out of over 120, I’m getting the special meals for free.
Good luck, keep us updated!
Post # 12
Oh, I didn’t realize that. In that case, I take it all back. 🙂
Post # 13
That sucks! Only a few people have problems. Well they are important guests. Tough choice!
Post # 14
@yaneres: hey I am also a Chinese. after reading your story…. I can think of a few things
1. Yes your parents pay, as long as the food is something they like and your FI’s parents like (or at least willing to eat), I think it is perfectly fine
2. If it is about the guests, who cares! It is not THEIR WEDDING. Your menu has so many choices. There is never a way to satisfy everyone. If you have beef and fish, someone would ask “no chicken?”; if you have vegetarian and fish, someone would ask “no pork?” you get what I mean? With a menu like yours, it is already very good to include most preferences. If the guest don’t like, sorry, then don’t come. They can choose whatever they like when THEY HAVE THEIR WEDDING.
3. another option is…. if those guests are from your FMIL’s side, then tell her to hold another reception (they pay) for those guests. I don’t think you parents have any obligation to please all guest (especially the ones from your FMIL’s side). If you parents want to please them, it is because they are generous; if they don’t please them, it is perfectly fine! They don’t have the duties to please everyone except you, your Fiance and your FI’s parents.
Just my personal opinion
Post # 15
Um. I would personally love to be invited to your wedding- and I’m sure there will be side dishes. I mean.. you said it was a ten course meal, your fiances family can’t find anything edible in ten courses?!
Post # 16
I’m a super picky eater (I barely eat at Thanksgiving dinner; I don’t eat pork, seafood, most turkey), and I still feel like I could find a lot to eat at your weddding. It kind of sounds like your Future In-Laws have a problem with something other than the menu and they’re just being difficult without a real reason to be.