(Closed) Cumulative effect of small mother in law offenses

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo

Ugh, she sounds like a pill. But the problem with people like that is that everything is really subtle so it’s not like you can have a straight talk about it or call them out or anything because she can just fall back on ‘oh you must have misunderstood me, I never meant anything of the sort’ or some such. Or maybe she is just speaking off-the-cuff and is just kind of snappy and there’s not a bigger issue, it’s hard to say for sure. Was she like this before you were engaged? Have you talked to your fiance about it? Does he see her comments as normal, weird for her, indicative of something larger or just off-hand remarks that don’t mean anything? He has known her for years so probably has some insight into what she’s thinking or what stuff means, if anything. For the meantime, you’re probably best just ignorning comments like that, because addressing things at all is almost guaranteed to escalate the situation/argument. I’d just wonder what your Fiance says is normal for her, and is this is get0used-to-it-because-that’s-how-she-is thing or a it’ll-stop-after-the-one-wedding-related-issue-is-done-thing?

Post # 4
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yikes! I’m sorry things feel so strained. I’m definitely not an expert here, but I think your best bet is to lay low for awhile. It doesn’t sound like there is anything specific that you should address with her, and there are any number of reasons why she might sound unhappy. Maybe she has something else going on right now that makes it tough to get up there to see you, or maybe she just doesn’t k ow exactly what her role is. I think it is tough sometimes for MOG to know how much to give their opinion and such. Try not to stress, and enjoy the wedding planning with your mom anf sis. I would make sure you don’t bring this up with Fiance often, or you put him in an awkward spot. Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Your story is similar to a friend of mine – his bride’s family is 7 hours away, and it was an all-out war when it was decided the bride would move to be with him and the wedding would be here. Big, emotional events bring out the very worst in people. By the sounds of your Future Mother-In-Law, though, it sounds like she always had those threads in her. 😀

This woman sounds like a classic passive-aggressive. She’ll gaslight you to the moon – you ‘misunderstood’ her every time she says something inflammatory. She’ll always have an alibi and likely not admit to anything wrong, to say the least. My Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law are somewhat similar, and I’ve learned that keeping my distance is best. In all ways possible. They’ve done nothing for the wedding – and I like it that way.

You likely won’t be able to convince your Fiance that she’s as awful as she’s been. But maybe you can approach it as, “Your mother treats you differently than she treats me. I was wondering if we could stop talking to her about the wedding. I was hoping you’d volunteer and help change the subject if she starts talking about it.” You need his help with this. Asking him to help change subjects will probably get you further than anything else at this point.

Post # 7
Member
717 posts
Busy bee

that is so annoying.  your Fiance probably doesn’t notice much because she’s his mom and doesn’t act like that with him.  and guys don’t pick up ob subtle cattiness like women.

she probably doesn’t dislike you, maybe she’s just struggling with not being the main woman in your FI’s life anymore.  even if you have been together for years, getting married makes it very official.  let her simmer and make her snide comments, who cares.  enjoy your wedding planning and your wedding.  she will just get over it.  it’s said so often but it’s so true, weddings bring out different sides in people.  you have enough on your plate planning the wedding, try not to let her get to you.

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