(Closed) Curiosity. How do you feel about your FI talking and hanging with his Ex?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Are you ok with your FI talking and hanging out with his Ex?
    I trust my husband/Fiance 100% but Absolutely NOT! : (77 votes)
    53 %
    eh I guess so : (17 votes)
    12 %
    Yes. I trust him completely : (36 votes)
    25 %
    other : (14 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    643 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I am not a jealous person, not one bit -but there is absolutely no need for ex’es to talk ever, I don’t care for what reason. Lines should be cut, period! Thing of the past and there’s no need for it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3525 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I voted “other” because while I don’t have a problem with the idea, DH’s ex HATES me, called me a ton of unpleasant names, tried to get him back, etc. She clearly does not respect me or our relationship, and for that reason, we decided to completely cut her off.

    I really don’t see a reason to keep exes in your life, unless it was a minor, minor fling or something and you were good friends first. The past should stay in the past, for the most part. I think an occasional e-mail or small talk when you run into each other is okay, but being buddy-buddy is just not appropriate.

    Post # 5
    Member
    426 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    I’m okay with the occasional email I guess. Hanging out, without me, no. It’s not trust, there’s just a level of appropriateness once you get married.

    Post # 6
    Member
    843 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I voted other because I am my FI’s first girlfriend, so I don’t have this issue to deal with.  He, however, does have a problem with it.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I dont see the need to be friends with exes or to keep in touch with them. I would not appreciate Darling Husband hanging out with his ex and I dont think hed appreciate me hanging out with mine!

    Post # 8
    Member
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I am 100% ok with it.

    I’ve met FI’s ex and we’ve been to several parties with her. She still hangs out with all FI’s high school friends and he still hangs out with them as well.

    He’s been to parties without me where she is there, and parties with me where she is there.

    I know he would never do anything inappropriate and I have no issues with them hanging out.

    It would be hypocritical for me to get upset with him about it, sinec I still talk to one of my ex’s every 4 months or so.

    He just recently got married and we have lengthy phone chats from time to time updating each other on our lives.

    Fiance and I trust each other 100% and we do not make any demands about not seeing/talking to exes.

    Fiance doesn’t like his ex, but I am still friends with some of mine. He has no problem with it and I have no problem with him seeing his ex.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5273 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I think I would be weirded out by this.

    Unless some sort of different circumstance, like they have been friends for a long time after; would be the only reason I could see why an engaged/married person would hang out with an Ex.

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I really don’t care as I’m friends with a lot of my exs and he is with his. I even broke up with a guy because he had problems with my friendships.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1126 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Fiance and I maintain contact with a few of our exes, and we’ve both made specific plans recently to catch up with some.  We’ve been traveling for job interviews, so when I went to Boston, I had lunch with my high school boyfriend, and when we were in Philadelphia together, he got coffee with a college girlfriend (who then wanted to meet me afterwards).

    Now, if it was a really sour break-up where Fiance was led on and crushed, and she lived locally, I wouldn’t love the idea of him spending lots of time with an ex.  But he can absolutely talk to whoever he wants, and so can I.  It took him a while to feel comfortable with the idea of marriage, so I know that his proposal meant he was completely 100% committed to this relationship, and he’s not gonna ruin it for someone he already knows isn’t right for him.

    But if it was an amicable break-up, I see no reason why he shouldn’t be allowed to talk or occasionally catch up with someone he once dated.

    Post # 12
    Member
    1124 posts
    Bumble bee

    I feel like the option “Absolutely not.” should also be followed by “I trust him completely”. He has no reason to hang out with any exes, so I would be very surprised. His most recent ex is a crazy b who tried to break into our house… so yea, he would be in some major trouble if he wanted to hang out with her. Exes are in the past, and that’s where they should stay. I also don’t think it is appropriate to hang out with exes when you are in a commited relationship with someone else.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    My husband and I have been together for 7 years, so any exes we might have are really very distant and at this point they’re just not important enough to be banned from our lives.  My husband doesn’t like his one semi-significant ex, but when she invited us to have coffee with her we went.  If he was home without me and she wanted to meet up, that would be fine, though I doubt he’d want to go.

    I have a few exes and they’re really great people.  We were together when we were young, but we were together for a reason…because they’re good people with whom I had quite a bit in common.  We broke up because romance was not in the cards for us, but that doesn’t mean they stopped being lovely people.  I don’t see any of them often (really only one with any regularity) but I would absolutely like to see them and catch up if we’re both in town.  I would bring my husband if he was in town with me, but I would go by myself if not.  And he wouldn’t have a problem with it.  

    I think if you still feel strongly enough about your ex to not ever want to see them again, that is sort of problematic (barring a truly traumatic history–abuse, for example.  I absolutely understand never wanting to see that person again).  My husband’s ex is barely a blip on our radar–why would I care if they went for lunch or something to catch up?  

    Post # 14
    Member
    126 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Well I can’t fault him too much, my ex is one of his GM! We  We stayed good friends, all go to university together and so we ALL hang out frequently. That being said I wouldn’t hang out with ex alone, nor would I like Fiance to hang out with his ex alone. But we’re adults and he picked me! Now Fi and his ex didn’t stay friends as much as my ex and I did but still, I am marrying the man, not her, so if he has a reason to talk to her, or just because he wants to still be friends, It’s alright with me. But as someone else said there is a level of approriateness but I think that goes for any engaged/married people with a friend (ex or not) of the opposite gender. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    6572 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    Well, he doesn’t have any big important ex’s in his life so I don’t really have to think about it.

    I am still friends wtih an ex. He was a family friend first and will always be a family friend. My husband doesn’t mind, he knows that we’re just friends now and we’ve both moved on. I do have another ex that I won’t talk to since I’m with my husband. I was with him for 7 1/2 years so it was a very serious relationship. I feel like if I were to talk to him, that would be a problem. But I don’t want to so it’s not.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Honestly I could care less.. but my Fiance doesn’t have any crazy exes like some of you are describing — that’s awful! If we had a situation like that I probably would have an issue.

    But, his exes are all nice girls that it just didn’t work out with for whatever reason. I don’t care if he talks with them or catches up with them.

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