- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
I did this before with another topic on a radio show that I hear sometimes: regarding guest attire. I love getting the bee’s thoughts on these things, mostly because so many of you are so smart and have great insight!
So here was today’s Therapy Thursday letter, in short:
A girl has been dating her bf for 4 months. Bf initially invited her to spend Christmas with his family because her family is in another state and its hard for her to travel to get to them. This would be her first time meeting anyone in the family, and she would be meeting the whole family at once.
Cue just a few weeks before Christmas now, and the BF’s sister threw a HUGE fit about the girlfriend coming. She claimed that Christmas was for close family only so the gf should NOT be invited. And then BF’s mother took the sister’s side, and the bf has said “im really sorry” to the gf but that’s it. Basically now the girl is uninvited to Christmas and its ALSO too late for her to be able to make alternative arrangements to go see her own family.
Her question was what, if anything, could and should she do? She wanted to know if the sister was in the wrong.
Of course being a radio show with people calling in the host would try to get a wide variety, if possible, of answers. I heard a few things from “Sorry but if the family has traditions it could be awkward to include you so the family is kind of right, sorry about your luck” to “you should leave the bf for not standing up for you because that’s bullcrap”. Definitely seemed to be a mixed bag.
My thoughts… I met DH’s entire family before we were even technically official at a memorial day picnic. Granted, it was just a family picnic and not something like Christmas or Thanksgiving, but his family accepted me with open arms because they were delighted to include a guest in on the fun. Also, I should mention, their memorial and labor day and fourth of july picnics happen EVERY year, so they are definitely a family tradition of sorts. Even though Darling Husband and I weren’t even officially dating at the time.
My mom has had my cousin bring a friend from work because the friend lived here while his family was in another country. He had never really “done” Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving is SUPER important to my mom, but she was so happy to open her home and our food just to be nice and inclusive. He was a wonderful guest!
I feel like I would want to know more about the sister/mother’s reasoning behind wanting Christmas to be ONLY close family. I mean, maybe they would just feel awkward about the gift part, like maybe they don’t think its really a good time to give someone you JUST met a gift, or NOT get them a gift… something like that. I just know in my family we would welcome someone. Sure they might not be in a family picture (its soon for our family) but they would be welcome to enjoy in good food and companionship with us!!
I don’t know that she should break up with the guy, but I know if it were ME I would just be so uncomfortable meeting them after that… I just don’t know what it would take for me to feel welcome in their home. It would be like, I wouldn’t know the magical amount of time for this bf and I to be together before I am “accepted” and that would just be so awkward for me…. and if it took them a loooong time to come around, I honestly don’t know that I would be staying with the guy. To me, they are just a bit judgemental and closed off and I am not that way, so I would be thinking there could be personality conflicts from the start! I dunno, I haven’t been in that situation and if I was crazy enough about the guy I guess I would suck it up!