Post # 1
I first want to say I’m not offended or looking for gifts, I’m simply curious.
We had about 15 or so couples around our age (early to mid twenties) and not one of them even brought a card. I’m not upset because they did come and spend our special day with us, several of them even participated in the sword arch we had… I just thought it was odd. Maybe they thought participating the arch was their gift to us? We gave them all little card and gift to thank them for participating though!
We kind of thought maybe they hadn’t been to many weddings before without families and didn’t think of it. Not sure. I’m certianly not going to ask or discuss it with anyone, I’m simply wondering if it happened to everyone else.
Did anyone else experience “younger” guests not giving gifts?
Post # 3
@thursdayschild: Me! All of the older people brought something, even if just a card. The older generation, think parents age, brought some gifts, but actually quite a large number of them didn’t even bring a card. The younger people? No card, nothing.
Post # 4
I didn’t know until I started reading about weddings that money was expected as a gift. So I think people just don’t know.
Post # 5
This baffles me that people are so blissfully ignorant. We’ve always brought cards to weddings, ALWAYS, with check included. Even our first wedding together when we were 19 & 20. I wouldn’t think to not. It’s like coming to a birthday with no card. I can understand if the younger couples couldn’t put a nice check in there, but no card? Pfft.
Post # 6
@peachacid: It’s not expected, but if you went to a dinner party at a friends house, would you come empty handed or would you bring a pie or bottle of wine, etc?
It’s just rude..as shit.. to come empty handed. I didn’t expect people to bring lavish gifts, but a .99 cent card? Yes- I expect that. That is just decency.
Post # 7
I’ve noticed that older guests will bring a gift to the wedding, whereas younger guests are more inclined to send a gift from the online registry.
Fiance and I are mid-late 20’s and we’d much rather send a gift right after the wedding from their registry (click and send!) than lug a box/remember to bring a card to the reception.
Post # 8
@peachacid: I don’t think anyone said anything about expecting money, I was just wondering what other bees experiences were. I grew up knowing that you give a gift, but apparently that’s not how everyone lives.
Post # 9
Yeah if I am invited to dinner, I say, “Can I bring anything?” but usually they say no, and then I don’t. I don’t think it’s rude to show up with nothing in that case.
It may be considered rude “as shit” to you to come empty-handed, but what if people genuinely do not know? And also, in my family, no one really gives cards except my grandmother. We exchange actual gifts. No one gives money except my grandfather. It’s considered rude in our family to give money or gift cards instead of gifts, actually.
Post # 10
I think your younger crowd is either
1) uninformed that guests traditionally bring gifts or cards to weddings
2) Too consumed in their own lives to spend the time/money/thought on friends (I think most people are at their most selfish when they are teenagers and gradually grow out of it) or
3) are utilizing their 1 year after the wedding timeline to get you a card/gift.
I must admit I once went to a wedding (I was in my mid 20s) and didn’t bring a present. My mother had just passed away about 2 weeks before and everything was so crazy with her arrangements that I didn’t want to deal with a present at the time. I actually bought them a gift about 2 months later and figured I would give it to them the next time I saw them. Then I moved shortly after that and haven’t seen them since so their gift (a framed piece of art) has now taken up residence in my living room. I still feel bad about it but I’ve decided that it is no longer useful to beat myself up about it. But I’m very careful to get gifts to the couple now.
So, shit happens. Don’t stress. But yes, I agree that it probably has something to do with age.
Post # 11
@thursdayschild: Yes, every wedding we went to as a family everyone would sign the card, along with always bringing something to a party as a PP mentioned. So I guess I’ve always known never to come to a “party” (wedding, whatever) empty handed to be proper ettiquette.
Post # 12
The only couple that we didn’t get a gift from was a younger couple. We just assumed it was because they didn’t know better. Oh well.
Post # 13
We had people of most age groups not give a card or gift. It wasn’t a ton of people, but all the different ages were represented.
Post # 14
The younger couples didn’t bring cards, but they sent gifts in advance… that said, they are all recently married or getting married soon, so they are probably more in on what is expected.
Post # 15
Yep. The younger crowd (college-aged) were definitely the ones who didn’t bring gifts…..or rsvp….or then rsvp and bring/not bring guests, or rsvp yes and then not show up!
I think it’s like PPs have said, this might be one of the first weddings they attend as an ‘adult’ and just don’t know about all the ‘expectations’.
Post # 16
We had a lot of younger couples, and almost all brought us cards with checks. Even the 2 single guys we invited from our previous jobs got us a silly gift & a card with cash. The only people we didn’t get gifts/cards from were my DH’s Groomsmen, and I consider the fact that they spent money to fly out & did a lot of things to help us with the wedding a gift in itself.