Curious how US couples get engaged vs elsewhere?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
  • poll: How did you and your fiance get engaged?
    You picked the ring together and then waited for the proposal : (44 votes)
    46 %
    He surprised you and bought the ring himself and proposed : (28 votes)
    29 %
    He proposed with a token ring/ stone/ other and then you picked the ring together : (10 votes)
    11 %
    Other please elaborate : (13 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 31
    574 posts
    Busy bee

    Darling Husband & I accidentally stumbled on a venue we both loved & in a moment of madness booked it. We didn’t tell anyone as Darling Husband was selling his house & had said he’d get the ring once that was finalised. We went shopping together & I picked my ring. It took me ages to find one I loved so I was happy no one knew, it was our special secret. The jeweller told me due to the Xmas rush it would be January before my ring was finished. 

    But Darling Husband had arranged to get it earlier so managed to give mr the “surprise” element & I got to pick the ring I wanted!! So win / win!!

    Post # 32
    2395 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    My husband proposed to me after we decided to run off & elope. We were at dinner on Wednesday night, discussing  are upcoming weekend trip that we had planned. And then all of a sudden we decided to elope while we were out of town. It was one of those spur-of-the-moment,” let’s do it”, kind of things. So Friday, I went to his house to pick him up so that we could leave for our weekend and as I was sitting there he got down on one knee and proposed. Turns out, he had already purchased a ring prior to our making plans to elope. Kind of perfect. We ended up getting married a little differently than we planned, but it was all kinds of awesome!

    Post # 33
    4092 posts
    Honey bee

    woahthisjustgotreal2018 :  I just saw your comment above mine. How you described it in Germany goes for my SO’s circle as well. Many just talk about getting married and agree without a proposal and ring.  Have I not explained to him the typical American engagement process, I’m not sure if he would have proposed on his own. I have never seen bridal parties either at their weddings. The bride and groom only have one witness each and they don’t walk down the aisle either.  Baby or bridal showers don’t exist as well either. 

    We will have a church ceremony in his hometown in Europe. A few of my girlfriends will fly in and join me as BM’s. My SO agreed to talk to some of his friends to be groomsmen and explain the practice to them. It will be interesting as they have never experienced such a thing before.

    Post # 34
    687 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    socalgirl1689 :  I did once attend a wedding with bridesmaids in Germany. But it really is the exception to the rule. 

    Personally, I prefer the way things are here. From what I read on this forum everything seems to be a lot more fraught with anxiety in the US – and more expensive. I had one friend who expected her friends to do a baby shower and who gave us a precise list of organic handmade baby things she wanted. I was extremely put off by this and didn’t attend. I thought basically if she can’t afford to have a baby, then she probably shouldn’t have one rather than pumping her friends for gifts.

    I also really honestly don’t understand the point of the bridal shower. People are already giving things to the couple for their wedding – isn’t it somewhat rude to expect TWO presents? 

    And the whole walking down the aisle – we DO that but the couple walks down the aisle together. Being given away by the father seems terribly sexist to me.

    Sorry, if I’m being blunt here – I do understand that if you grow up with these traditions, they’re really precious.


    What I really lOVE about US weddings though is that basically everybody can get licensed to officiate! That is amazing. In my town there are only TWO rooms where we can be legally married, both small and one ugly. And they’re only open on weekdays and on a few Saturdays that are always booked really quickly. In the US you can get married in a museum, in your backyard or whatever. That is wonderful. 

    Post # 35
    4092 posts
    Honey bee

    woahthisjustgotreal2018 :  What I meant on walking down the aisle is only the bride and father then the groom and bride. The witnesses do not walk down the aisle. Anyway, as a compromise, our government wedding will be done in CA. And the church one in Europe. Actually, instead of us going to the government building, the judge agreed that he will marry us outdoors next to the beach on a Sunday afternoon LOL. 

    Post # 36
    146 posts
    Blushing bee

    My engagement wasn’t traditional.

    We agreed to get married (this was via a series of conversations). We discussed a ring. However what I really wanted was a single ring. So we collaborated on designing and paying for a ring which I will wear once we marry. 


    So, no proposal and no engagement ring.

    Post # 37
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’m American. He says he knew I was the one as soon as he met me, and he always saw “Forever” in our future. I was the much more reluctant and wary one, but we finally (mostly) got on the same page a couple years later. I picked out the ring; he had no input, as he only wanted me to have something I loved. He paid, we both saw the ring together once it arrived, and a few days / maybe a week later, he proposed in a way he planned himself.

    A lot of women dream about the dress, the venue, the walk down the aisle – for me it was the ring. It worked really well for us both.

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