Curious poll – how many bees have friends of the opposite sex?

posted 2 months ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What are your experiences and thoughts?
    I have no friends of the opposite sex out of choice/circumstance : (39 votes)
    12 %
    I have no friends of the opposite sex because my partner isn't comfortable with it : (2 votes)
    1 %
    I have friends of the opposite sex and my partner is cool with it : (157 votes)
    49 %
    I have friends of the opposite sex and my partner is not cool with it : (3 votes)
    1 %
    I don't think guys and gals can be platonic friends : (19 votes)
    6 %
    I think guys and gals can be platonic friends : (102 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 181
    Member
    10026 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: City, State

    Idk why people get so worked up on being friends with the opposite sex and ex’s. Like, I can count on two hands the number of times I’ve blown an ex behind the Dairy Queen. 🙄

    Post # 183
    Member
    175 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015 - City, State

    I totally respect your opinion too. This is not to argue with you either, just to explore the topic further. I totally understand that new relationships can’t completely be a clean slate because we all have pasts and that is reality. But I do think it is easier to not be bogged down by the past or have it continue to influence your present if your ex is not a part of your present.  With an ex in your present while you’re in a new relationship, the past, present, and future are colliding in the moment. I want my relationship and partner to learn from the past and move on from it, not continue to rely on it. I’m not okay with my partner having an emotional bond with an ex in the present because I don’t believe that that relationship can ever be free of some semblance of what made the romance for those people work. Yes, they broke up for a reason. But there’s also a reason they got together to begin with and still feel drawn to each other enough to maintain a connection despite the breakup.  I love my partner so much there is no room in my heart for any exes or prior romantic relationships. I don’t care about them anymore and while I wish them well and they were good people I’ve moved on. If my partner still cared enough about an ex that he had the bandwidth to maintain an emotional connection to them, I would think they don’t love me the same way I love them. This is different than friendship. I want my partner to have close friendships and family relationships. They don’t threaten me because there was never any romantic entanglements there and therefore a completely different lens applies to those purely platonic relationships that were never anything more than platonic. indigobee :  

    Post # 185
    Member
    794 posts
    Busy bee

    ecrisrien :  

    Very patronising.

    I think this is what bothers me even more than the idea of the friendship being disposable. The fact that you have explicitly voiced your wishes (“I only want to be friends”) and instead of dealing with that reality on a clean, direct, above-board level, this person takes it upon themselves to try and change your mind for you.

    It’s one thing to have a friendship that organically develops into something more – I know that happens. But when it happens, I think it happens for both people and it happens naturally. But it’s another thing entirely to have a friendship where one person has ulterior motives, where they’re subtly trying to change your mind and manipulate your way of seeing them. I know when someone is doing that, and it’s off-putting. More than that, I don’t think it’s genuine. Because sooner or later, they are going to have to revert to who they really are.

    It would save everyone a lot of time and effort if we just decided upfront whether or not we could accept what people are offering. 

    I had one guy whom I dated for a few weeks where I just wasn’t feeling it. He was an absolutely amazing guy though, the chemistry just wasn’t there. So I told him that, while I just couldn’t see a relationship with him, I would love for us to be friends, and I meant it. He declined upfront because he honestly told me that he wanted more than that with me and would not want to see me with other guys, so we cut off contact. But I actually respected him so much more for being upfront and sticking to his guns. Much easier to respect someone like that rather than someone who hangs around hoping that things will change.

    Post # 186
    Member
    551 posts
    Busy bee

    indigobee :  I mean, look at the way our culture teaches teenagers to approach relationships: “Try to make friends with her first”, “Pretend to be interested in what she’s interested in”, “Run into her ‘accidentally’ at the mall”. I fell in love with a close friend and we are engaged now, so obviously the friend angle can work. But you’re right, if these things happen naturally, great, but the idea of orchestrating attraction and playing endless games is just so immature and some people never grow out of it. Jesus, look at magazines aimed toward teenage girls, half of them are dedicated to “how to get him to like you” (i.e. what you need to practice/wear/buy in order to trick guys into asking you out). What about, oh, I don’t know, telling someone, “Hey, I like you. Would you like to hang out some time?” and if they say no, ACCEPT THAT and MOVE ON. 

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