Post # 1
I have a partner who is passive aggressive. He is normally sweet, kind and wonderful.
however, he doesn’t handle arguing well. disagreements stress him out!!
Makes me afrid to speak my mind.
we can go for months with minor disagreements but about every 3 months we will have a an arguement!! no swearing, screaming but mad!!
we are older, blended families, ex’s!! ugh…
Ever few months when we have a cranky fight he doesn;t talk to me for atleast a couple days, the always says the same. I dont think its working. we always fight!!
so confused… do I just let him run his cycle. do I leave because obviously he goes from marrying me to maybe we shoudl break up in 30 seconds following a disagreement.
in almost 2 years I have ran this cycle probably 4 times. makes me ill : (
I know, we should probably do counceling!! think I will start to look.
Post # 3
@fireNice: I used to do this with Darling Husband when we were dating. Everytime a fight would start, which wasn’t often, I would threaten to leave. He eventually voiced how much it hurt him when I said that. He told me he feared losing me any time he brought something up because my first reaction was to flee.
After the talk, I really became concious of what I was saying. I didn’t mean it when it came down to it, but in moments of anger it would fly out of my mouth. I would talk to him nicely. Not when you’re emotional about an argument and explain the way you feel and see how he reacts
(FYI your poll is a little whacky and should be edited)
Post # 4
@mwitter80: I agree, I didn’t vote becasue I titally don’t get the poll, titles infidelity, but the topic is all about fight style?
So, OP, my suggestion, seek counselling, and learn to communicate. I am a bottler…I store up all my little frustrations and angers and then the whole thing expoldes into big ugliness. Fiance and I used to threaten leaving all the time, untl we realized how stupid and childish we were being. SOunds like youboth need to learn to fight “cleanly”, We still fight, and sometimes they are nasty, but we don’t threaten each other with leaving anymore, and we allow each other to be mad for a while, then talk it out.
ETA: To answer your title question, Infidelity is my number one and it shares the spot with abuse. Next likely disrespect, addiction.
Post # 5
This doesn’t answer your poll, but to give you some insight about what you are going through:
I think alot of couples go through a bit of this – the whole threating to leave, or throw out phrases like “I can’t handle this” or “I can’t do this.” Basically saying things you don’t mean to hurt the other person 🙁
My husand and I went through this during a couple of arguments, until finally he told me that he didn’t like when we said that to each other. We realized that we said it out of fustration in the heat of the moment, and we needed to work on expressing our emotions w/o saying those empty “threats.” We learned that although we were fustrated, we didn’t mean them, and the threat was not serious – so why say it? After we had this heart to heart, we have no longer thrown out phrases like that.
Post # 6
All of the long term relationships I have been in were ended by me, because I realized that this person was not 100% what I wanted. They were either too unmotivated in life, too mean and verbally abusive, or just not emotionally available to me. A lot of the time I was doing what you are doing, I would make excuses for their behavior, convince myself this is normal and all couples question their relationship and would try and make myself believe i was happy when I was not. You need to do some soul searching, and therapy could be beneficial too.
Post # 7
sorry, i fixed the poll. was rushing to an appointment..
@mwitter80: did you mean it when you said it or did you say it for effect?
did you say it & mope around for a couple days after or just say it then put it behind you & it was done?
@AirForceWife78: Thank you 🙂 I’m hearing you!
Post # 8
i voted other because i really dont know how much i would accept before i hit my point of no return (and i guess i feel this way because i feel so secure about our marriage and cant imagine any of these happening)
yes i would like to think infidelity but some couples can overcome this, depending on the situation – also because i can imagine i would cheat long before he ever would
i guess if he hit me (not that i can envision that ever happening) will have me angry enough to kick him out and change the locks
Post # 9
Cheating, abuse (verbal, emotional or physical.)
I have a very clear list of things that are ‘deal breakers’- and I am not at all afraid to act on it- I spent 6 years with an abusive cheating ex, and will never allow myself to be treated like that again.
Luckily, I chose a good man this time 🙂
Post # 10
I voted for “other”. Breaking up is such a personal thing and nobody can know if it’s the right thing to do but you. That being said me personally if I knew I found the right person person for me, and they were right for me in every way. But, we were going through a hard time, the only way I would probably breakup with them is if there was AAA. Abuse, adultery, or addiction.
Post # 11
There are many things that would cause me to end a relationship, but I would, and have, ended relationships that were not “bad” but just were not the right relationship. If there is one mistake I’ve seen many people make — and I have been guilty of this myself in the past — it is remaining in a dating (or even engaged) relationship for the wrong reasons and then applying “marriage” standards of commitment to a relationship that has not yet involved a marriage commitment.
Although one should attempt to be fairly certain that he or she wants to marry someone before he or she becomes engaged, an engagement is not a marriage. Although its intended purpose is to lead to marriage, it is also the last stage in which a person may choose to end the relationship for any reason. (I know that different people have very different beliefs regarding permissable grounds for divorce, but I think most people would agree that it is far, far, far better to end a relationship during the engagement stage than after marriage.)
It is very possible to have strong feelings for — and even a very strong sense of attachment to — someone who just is not good for you. Many people become heavily invested in relationships far too early on and then feel as if they must remain in a relationship to somehow justify the level of intimacy or involvement that they’ve experienced with that person.
I would say that you should only marry someone if you truly believe that he is the right person for you, and if you truly believe that he is good for you and for your children. No matter how involved you have been — or for how long, if you have doubts about these two main issues, I would not marry him.
I wish you the best in making your decision.
Post # 12
Cheating, if he ever hit me or if he decided he was gay. Not that I think thsee would happen but these 3 are my deal breakers. Cheating because if my trust was broken I wouldnt be able to continue without treating him badly and thinking badly of him, healthier to leave. Hit me – obvious reasons no excuse for anyone to raise their hands at another and well if he was gay… Guess that ones makes sense too cos you can’t make someone love you “that way” if they don’t feel it…
Funny i was just having this exact convo with my bestie hahaha
Generaly we don’t argue – we get a little pissy sometimes at each other but we can usually work it out with no silent treatment etc… If you are sure you love him and want to work it out maybe you’ll have to set some ground rules on how you argue – ie no walking out, time outs etc and see if you can adhere to that. Otherwise as long as it is not all the time I guess it is normal for arguments to happen and you’ll have to deal with his way of arguing the way he has to deal with yours…
Post # 13
I clicked lying, infidelity and other. Other would be violence – mental, physical or emotional. Physical I think I would walk out with the first sign, the others would be something that if they were constant I would leave.
Post # 16
I would leave over infidelity or abuse. Other things can be worked through!