(Closed) Offering Services at Friends Weddings

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

I think this is your gift!! Just get them a nice card, no other gift should be needed!!

Post # 4
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Hmm this is tough because I would definitely offer to pay you for your services. Actually, I wouldn’t let you refuse payment. A few of my friends are helping me out (ceremony music, invitation design) and I plan to pay them. I think you can get them something heartfelt but not necessarily expensive (what that might be, I’m not sure) because you will be doing A LOT for them leading up to/day of the wedding.

Post # 5
152 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

This is a tough one. It’s kinda tough spot to say after the fact "oh btw, my services/time/efforts/energy are your gift" and at the same time, you’d think a good friend would realize that and know that without you having to say it. 

 Maybe you could get a card, and something small (more sentimental than expensive) and allow for that meaningful token of your warm wishes along with all the work you are going to be do, be the gift. If it were me, I’d definitely think that is gift enough.


Post # 6
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Don’t feel bad about not spending a lot of money.  The couple shouldn’t judge you on how much you spend, especially after you just helped to make their wedding day run smoothly.

But I also don’t think you have to mention that planning is your wedding gift to them, in order to justify your smaller gift.  It will be understood.

Post # 7
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I agree with the above. The bride should understand that your time and energy are part of your gift, and you shouldn’t feel bad for spending less monetarily.

If she thanks you for your help, a gentle, "Oh, it’s no problem. It’s my gift to you for being such a wonderful friend," should reiterate the message without seeming too overt. 🙂

Post # 8
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Hmmm… I think that you should mention to your friend that this is your wedding gift to the couple. I just posted a question about Day-Of Coordinators, and if a friend offered this to me on my wedding day, it would be invaluable! DOCs are expensive ($1000 and up!) so if your friend couldn’t afford this luxury and you provide it, that is a wonderful gift.

However, if a friend were to just offer this to me, I would try to pay her. At the bare minimum, I would get her a gift card to thank her. However, if this was her gift to me for the wedding, I’d still probably get her a thank you gift card, but I wouldn’t offend her by offering to pay her.

When my cousin got married, she actually had several friends offer their services as their wedding gift to her. One friend designed all of the invitations, and another friend offer to design the flowers. Since she knew these were her wedding gifts, it opened up the relationship and allowed my cousin to feel good about what she was receiving and to understand that this wasn’t a "casual favor."

 That being said, it might be hard to mention it after the fact. But my guess is that this topic will come up again. Or you could just approach your friend and say "I was very serious about offering to be your coordinator for the day of your wedding. I would really like to give this to you as my wedding gift to you and your Fiance. This is what I was thinking… and this is how I thought I could help…" 

Post # 9
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

A friend did our rehearsal dinner catering (we paid for the food/rentals, but she didn’t charge for labor) and my aunt was our "second photographer." We did not expect nor receive gifts from either.

Post # 10
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You are such a generous friend!!!

I’m sure that at some point before the wedding, your friends will thank you for all your help and hard work  When this happens, maybe you could work in something like, "Aww!  I’m happy to help!  I just thought it would make a great wedding present to take some of this planning off your mind."  That way, they’ll get the hint that this is a gift.

Post # 11
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Recently I made all the orchid centerpieces for a friend’s wedding.  She paid for all the materials but I spent hours and hours making all the ribbon wrapped boxes, assembling and delivering to the venue.  I was also the reader in the wedding.  For the gift I got the couple a nice card, a book with a copy of the reading and travel journals for their upcoming honeymoon.  The present wasn’t more than $40.  Overall I think she loved the centerpieces even more then the gift, cause she won’t stop thanking me for them.  I think you forgo the gift or get a small token gift they can treasure. 

Post # 12
40 posts
  • Wedding: November 2009

I think you have been very generous offering you time to plan your friend’s wedding. It should be very stressful to deal with all the stuff that involves to organize such an event. If I would be in your friend’s place I will offer you a payment. If your friend offers you a payment you can tell her that your time is the gift. And then as a wedding present you can arrange something more symbolic as a photo album with pictures of special moments of your friendship.

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