Cut my losses or keep trying? help!

posted 4 days ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

These don’t sound like issues that you need to get over or work through.  They sound like real, damaging issues and I totally get why they’re weighing heavily on you.  While he looks good on paper, I’m sure, the emotional cheating and mean-spirited fighting would be enough for me to immediately cut and run.  You deserve much better than that.  You’re absolutely right: his behavior has been very disrespectful.

Post # 3
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

anonymousbee2018 :  I would never be in a relationship with someone who cusses at me and calls me disrespectful names. I would make anger management/therapy an automatic requirement IF you choose to move forward (I would not). Having an unfortunate past is no excuse to how he handles situations in the present.

Sometimes loving a person isn’t enough unless you can love all aspects of a person. And verbal abuse isn’t worth loving. 

Post # 4
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

Oh man…. yeah, I would cut my losses here. Only because mean fighting isn’t something that will change without A LOT OF THERAPY to figure out WHY he does it and I am betting he isn’t the kinda person who wants to work on that part of himself. I mean, I do not know him…. I do believe people can change but not without a lot of work on their part…not yours. 

Since it is still a “newish” relationship, I would bail. You do not desrve to be talked to that way. No one does. 

Post # 5
Member
17 posts
Newbee

Those would be dealbreakers for me. Get outta there. You deserve someone who makes you feel good and safe.

Post # 6
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

It seems really soon to have these kinds of issues. More will just come. I would leave and make a soild exit plan in case his verbal abuse becomes physical. Make sure some friends know your plans if it goes poorly. 

Post # 7
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

He showed you who he was very early on and he has continued to show you who he is since.

I would never, ever stay in a relationship with someone who was mean to me. I don’t care what the fight is about or who started it or what set him off, I would absolutely NOT stay with a man who called me names and yelled at me. 

Whatever these “good qualities” are that he apparently has aren’t enough to make up for the fact that he is a dick. The world is fucking FULL of men with good qualities who also happen to not be dicks – find one of them. I do not for the life of me understand why so many women insist on staying with guys who don’t treat them right! Good men aren’t THAT hard to find…

Post # 8
Member
1544 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

anonymousbee2018 :  No one should speak to you that way.

The emotional cheating, verbal abuse, and the fact that you feel like your often walking on eggshells would be enough for me to move on. You deserve better, I’d get out sooner than later.

Post # 9
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

anonymousbee2018 :  In my experience, these behaviours (name calling, degrading your partner) do not improve with time. Even with a lot of therapy and dedication, I believe slip ups could still happen. That’s his natural reaction to anger and disputes. The fact that you’re still with him after he so blatantly disrespected you is teaching him that he could get away with it again in the future. 

My ex was like this, it was such a difficult relationship and remained tumultuous until the very end. 

Disagreements happen, disputes happens, even fighting happens BUT respect for your partner should be maintained at all times. He didn’t just disrespect you, he took it to a whole other level. 

I’m sorry bee, but this line cannot be uncrossed and I hope you will cut your losses with this one. 

I honestly can’t even, you deserve so much better than this. 

Post # 10
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

A guy who makes you feel like you are “walking on eggshells or have to act a certain way” is not “overall a great catch”.

Post # 11
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

glitterati :  excellent point! It’s like you can’t even be yourself. 

Post # 12
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Oftentimes I feel like i am walking on eggshells or have to act a certain way  Do you really believe a healthy, happy relationship has this in the equation bee?  I’ll let you answer that yourself.

overall a great catch  Uummm the emotional cheating and verbal abuse pretty much negates this statement.  Everything you’ve mentioned in terms of good qualities sound pretty superficial to me bee.  You need to go deeper in a mate/partner.  Pretty can do just as much damage as the not so pretty….moreso since their looks allow them to get away with so much. 

A relationship that makes you feel “less than”  is a relationship that you need to be out of. 

Post # 13
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

These aren’t things you can get over. This is textbook beginning behavior that escalates toward abuse. These are major red flags. You can’t have a relationship with someone who treats you this way. Cut your losses and get out. 

Post # 14
Member
4289 posts
Honey bee

This sounds super toxic. I would exit this relationship asap. Please please please listen to the bees who have been there with regard to verbally abusive and physically abusive relationships. 

Post # 15
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Bee, listen to your friends.

This guy emotionally cheated on you after 4 months of dating? That’s still the honeymoon phase. What is he going to do when things get hard? 

And there is no excuse for him to yell and call you names. That is not okay. I don’t care how terrible his childhood is. That’s an excuse to treat you like garbage. 

Leave him. 

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