Post # 1
Okay, the date is getting closer (still no dress) and now we have a dilemma. My wonderful Fiance wanted to help me create our “save the dates”. They are fairly simple, we just printed a saying on colored cardstock and I used a rubber stamp on the front and back of the envelope. Nothing fancy. As he is helping me, I notice every couple of envelopes he is on his phone. I ask what he is doing, and he responds “getting addresses”. I asked if the people he was texting were on the guestlist….he looks at me confused “they have to be on the list?? I thought they go to anybody we want to let them know we are getting married”. Well, that’s a GRAND idea… if it didn’t say “we would love for you to join us on _______” with the dang address of the venue on it!!! By this simple mistake, there’s a chance our guestlist is going to increase by about 50 people. The only way I can think of to make this work is if we have our ceremony and sit down dinner for family and participants IN the wedding, then have the friends and coworkers come later for drinks/dancing/apps. Is this rude?? We are paying for EVERYTHING on our own, myself more then him at this point. We are restricted to certain food vendors at this location, the cheapest vendor price per plate (all had amazing reviews) is $22. Even an extra 25 people is kind of a big deal for our budget. The wedding is about 4-midnight, I don’t think we can get away with just serving appetizers. Or can we? Im lost.
Post # 2
Having guests come later, after dinner, doesn’t work for me. It’s rude and inconvenient for them.
Here’s a better option: have a cake and punch reception immediately following the wedding for everyone. Then family & people in the wedding carry on to your reception venue for dinner, etc. etc.
Post # 3
You really should serve everybody. If you give us a break down of your budget we may be able to help work your numbers with you.
Post # 4
I personally find nothing wrong with this approach. Many bees do so be prepared to get some strong responses on this one.
Post # 5
If you cannot afford to sit and feed your guests EQUALLY then either cut your guest list, go to a cheaper venue with cheaper per head rate. Either way, it’s the highest of insults to treat one group of guests preferentially over the other.
1. Change venues.
2. Cut your guest lists.
3. Change your menu.
Good luck OP!
Post # 6
Did he specifically tell them it was for a save the date or did he just ask for addresses? If you were never planning on inviting them and he didn’t actually mention save the dates, pretend you were just getting addresses to send out holiday cards?
Post # 7
Couldn’t you send wedding announcements to all the extra people after the fact or did he specify in text it was for an invite?
Post # 8
By doing this you’re creating 2 tiers of guests. I would be pretty hurt if I was in the “bottom tier”. Maybe move your ceremony/reception to the afternoon and serve appetizers to everyone.
Post # 9
Is there any chance that his texts just asked for addresses and didn’t specify for what? You could send them Christmas cards!
I’m guessing that isn’t what happened, though. :/
If your venue is already booked and so on, I’m not sure how you could reconfigure the schedule to make it a cake-and-punch for all type thing. I don’t really have an answer except to try to play off the texts the best you can since the save the dates haven’t actually been mailed yet.
Post # 10
Did he tell them he wanted the addresses for a wedding invitation/STD? If not, why don’t you just send them a Christmas card and act like that’s why he wanted the address. Then you could stick to your original plan and not add these people to your guest list.
If he did tell them that it was wedding related, then I think you need to cut costs as much as possible and serve everyone dinner. It isn’t polite to separate guests into an upper class (those who get dinner) and lower class (those that get to come later). And I think it would be a huge faux pas to serve only appetizers at an event that goes from 4pm until midnight. Another option would be to move your wedding ceremony and reception up and then do appetizers only – I’m thinking something like 2pm-7pm.
ETA: my post crossed with several others saying the same thing, sorry to be redundant!
Post # 11
In the UK we do “Day Ceremony and Wedding Breakfast Reception” and then “Evening Reception with finger buffet”. 100% of weddings I’ve ever attended have done this.
(BRB everyone, gonna get some shots to start the drinking game… can’t wait for the first “tacky”!!!)
Post # 12
Definitely find out exactly what he told them first. If he didn’t specifically mention an invite, send them holiday cards!
Post # 13
Any chance they could think you need the addresses for holiday cards? Or did he tell them it was wedding-related?
Post # 14
Yup, stick with your original guest list, and either send an engagement announcement or a christmas/holiday card to the addresses he asked for that aren’t on the list. It sounds from your post that he wasn’t telling these people they were invited or anything, just that they should be expecting something in the mail. problem solved.