(Closed) cutting costs, is this a rude way to do it?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:

    cut costs on as much as we can and serve everyone dinner

    serve family dinner, invite friends/extras for dancing and appetizers

    have the ceremony later in the afternoon and serve appetizers to everybody?

  • Post # 31
    Member
    5521 posts
    Bee Keeper

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    raliel:  No it doesn’t. In the UK, this is common, and while people invited to the evening only will usually bring a gift, it will typically be much smaller than what you would gift if you were invited to the whole event; usually 1/4 or so of the cost. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    2704 posts
    Sugar bee

    If my Fiance did this I would have him fix it – ie apologise to those he asked for addresses who arent invited (presuming he mentioned it was for invites) – and then proceed with the original guest list

     

    Post # 33
    Hostess
    2007 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

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    TupHoney:  everyone will think everything is rude unless they get what they want…it’s kind of selfish of ppl but it’s human nature. 

    So do what you want….any one of the options work becuase I have seen them work. This is your debt in the future you have to think about….and you can’t go into debt at the expense of other people’s selfish insecurities about being insulted. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    5521 posts
    Bee Keeper

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    truthah:  LOL, snap! 😉 

    We could end up pretty wasted though… 

    Post # 35
    Member
    1720 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I agree with PP don’t worry about this unless you actually sent out STD (I assume you caught this before they actually went into the mail box…but doen’t seem that you have updated?)

     

    send them a holiday card or something like that if you want to make it seem like nothing has happened or just forget about it as I assume the people he texted were likely his male friends and I bet you that 99.999999% of them will think absolutely nothing of it and never even remember it (if it was like an old aunt though I would be getting on the new years card train ASAP cause she will remember!)

    Post # 38
    Member
    9127 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

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    TupHoney:  yea we discovered that for our wedding. if you think about it, it does make sense because the volume of food is the same except you are paying for the labor to have chefs construct each.and.every.single.bite. that everyone takes – much more labor intensive that slicing up a large piece of meat and batch roasting vegetables. we still did it because that’s what we wanted, but definitely cheap! 

    Post # 39
    Member
    6534 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It may be necessary for one or both of you to get a second job to make some more money for your budget, because switching from wedding cake to sheet cake and cutting back centerpeices isn’t going to make up the difference of 25 or 50 more guests added in there.  If you each can bring in just $100 more per week, that’s $800 a month– you could cover that budget gap in no time!

    Post # 40
    Member
    2263 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

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    TupHoney: I think you need to get your Fiance to be honest with his friends.  If they weren’t on your list up to this point, I doubt they are that close where it is going to make your life difficult to cut them again.  If you can’t afford to host extra people, you can’t afford to host extra people.  It seems silly to be a bad host to a lot of people than be honest with a few people that you made a mistake. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    831 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Check out the personalities of the people he spoke to and see if they are people who wont chase up a wheres my invite or people who are really keen. Their replies will probably clue you in if they were enthusiastic send a card if they just went yeah its 123 x street then they proably wont chase it up. Speak to your Fiance see who of the people he messaged he is close enough too that they would expect an invite and who is just a casual facebook friend who probably thought that’s weird they are inviting me.

    Post # 42
    Member
    413 posts
    Helper bee

    Hmmm.. silly man!! Like PP said, unless these people are really really important to im I would have him apologise and oops I screwed up. If they are just ‘facebook’ friends like you say, hopefully they were surprised they were even invited and wont care if they are uninvited..

    Post # 43
    Member
    2922 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

    I would honestly just send them a holiday card instead and maybe a wedding announcement, it’s kind of awkward but not worth paying for an extra 50 people.

    Post # 44
    Member
    166 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

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    peegee:  I agree with this. Don’t send the STD to them

    Post # 45
    Member
    1308 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2016 - St. John\'s Lutheran Church

    View original reply
    peegee:  I also agree. Inviting people to only half of your celebration will offend people anyway, so might as well offend them but save the money. You could definitely send a holiday card/wedding announcement and just let them figure out that your fiance made a booboo.

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