Cutting off FSIL?

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1035 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

Not actively making conversation/reaching out is a whole different ballgame than actively ignoring her. IMO, don’t go out of your way to text her, but if she calls you, pick up. There’s no reason to keep someone in your daily life that hassles you, but you don’t wanna piss off Future Mother-In-Law.

Post # 3
Member
5576 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

morethanyesterday :  

I wouldn’t cut her off as in going no contact but I think it’s perfectly fine to not message her anymore and to spend less time around her, let your fiancé go without you.

Going no contact is a big decision that affects the whole family. It will actually turn people against you too, she will get them to side with her, especially if she’s toxic. I don’t think this behavior warrants that level of removal from your life.

She sounds obnoxious, bordering on toxic but I don’t see why you can’t just limit your interactions to holidays and birthdays or something.

Post # 4
Member
351 posts
Helper bee

I’m not sure about cutting her off, but you should limit contact. Go to family functions / holidays, but definitely don’t try to do anything outside of that. There’s no need to have lunch dates or ongoing text chats. She’ll catch on quickly enough. 

Post # 5
Member
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

Yeah, I think cutting her off for not responding is a bit of a petty response. I get that it’s frustrating. I have siblings that ignore my messages too and it pisses me off. But cutting her off is a response thats about as childish as her behavior. Just stop making an effort. Put in as much effort as she does and just her do her thing. She can only take up as much mental energy as you allow her to. 

Post # 7
Member
2828 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I wouldn’t cut a family member out of my life based on what you’ve written here. It’s weird that she expects you guys to spend so much time with her though, IMO. 

Stop making an effort, but don’t cut her off. If you do that, what will the holidays or family get togethers look like? There’s always going to be family members that aren’t our favorite, but you just deal with it, it’s part of life.

Post # 9
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee

In your shoes, I would 1) stop making any effort at all and 2) be incredibly bland with her in person.

She says out loud that you’re hogging time with neice? Smile blandly, stare at her for a slightly uncomfortable amount of time to highlight the inappropriateness of her words, invite her to take your place, then go have interesting conversation with someone else. 

She is being very controlling of a situation? Clap your hands to get everyone’s attention, say SIL has something to say, then stare at her and smile as she fidgets uncomfortably or fumes.

While on a visit, she complains you haven’t visited enough – smile blandly, and say “yeah, we have such a fun, busy life, don’t we!” and change the subject. 

Just never give her the reaction she expects.

Never let her negativity or judgmentality hit its target.

Become a shifting sand person with her.

Also, develop a great sense of humor about the situation. Since your fiance seems to see her behavior for what it is, it could be fun to *predict* her behavior before any interaction. That way you can shoot each other knowing glances and smiles when she does in fact do the exact things you knew she would do. Darling Husband and I do that with his mother and it seriously helps us not take the things she does personally or seriously. It seems mean-spirited, but for us it’s actually helped us to gain some distance from the situation and retain more empathy for her obsessive need to be so controlling and negative.

Post # 12
Member
886 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

love your self more, let go of the pople who dont deserve you. they will reach out to you if they need you if not then you have nothing to worry about. no matter what she will have bad things to say but it wont matter as long as you and ur man an on the same page

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