(Closed) Cutting off ties with toxic family

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

Gosh, I’m sorry you and your husband have to deal with someone like that.  I just couldn’t.  You guys are good people.  But you’re right – there’s no value added from the relationship, and if your husband wants to cut ties I’d be on board for that idea too!

Post # 3
2765 posts
Sugar bee

You need to sell the house as possible.

The brother must leave the house.  You may have to see a lawyer if he refuses to leave.  If he still complains then he needs to come up with a financial plan on how he is going to pay rent.

Unless you plan on using your late MIL’s car then ensure that that you are not your liable for the fines.


Sometimes tough love is necessary.  Get good legal advice.

Post # 4
29 posts

Dealing with a close relative with a drug problem can be heartbreaking.  Both my fiance and I have an older brother with an addiction problem.  Both of them are very intelligent and can be really nice when they are not using drugs but both can be liars and cheaters when they need money for their habits.  My brother cares and knows he has ruined his life.  He feels guilt for his bad behaviour.  You probably have never known the brother when the drugs were not controlling him but your Fiance has and so it is even harder for him to deal with the disappointment and regret.

I agree that you need to sell the house but try to be compassionate and understanding towards both the Fiance and the Future Brother-In-Law.  It is hard to see it as a disease but I doubt any addicts are happy with the twists and turns their lives have taken.  It is a choice to some extent but some people seem to have no tolerance for drugs and have a much harder time resisting and breaking the addiction.

Good luck.  

Post # 6
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Our Castle

sell it from underneath him as well as the car and use his half of the money (assuming only two siblings)  to pay the debts he has accrued as well as recompensation for the morgage and bills you have paid. thats fair! or he can buy you out and you forget him and let him destroy himself.. the more you help the more harm you do.. untill he is actually ready to change or better himself/…

Post # 7
2092 posts
Buzzing bee

If you really plan on cutting him off/cutting him out of your life, you need to make sure that your husband is on board with it, otherwise it just wont work. If your husband continues to talk to him or feel sorry for him and to help him out, he will continue to creep into your life and mess things up. 

Unfortunately theres no easy way to get away from a toxic relative, especially when its a sibling or parent. Good luck!

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