Cutting off toxic people.. then they turn to become more toxic

posted 1 year ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
13705 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Just take comfort in the fact that she looks like a petty child while you look like a mature adult dealing with a sh*tty situation.   I’m sure everyone else saw through her words and actions and just brushed them off.  She’s making things awkward for everyone, not you.

Post # 3
Member
4085 posts
Honey bee

khloemichelle :  I had to cut off a toxic “friend” a couple years ago and at first, any time she saw me, she would be outwardly rude. Doesn’t help that we work in the same building (different teams though, thank goodness). As hard as it was, I just ignored it. The best revenge is living your best life. Hang in there, bee. You have one more event with her and then hopefully you’ll never have to see her again. Continue to be the bigger person and don’t feed into her toxicity. She wants a reaction from you, so the less you react, the more mad she’ll be and the less stressed you’ll be. 

Post # 4
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee

It might not matter either way, but just for context, and you ghost her or did you actually explain things to her when you decided to end your friendship with her?

But for the most part you just keep on keeping on.  The wedding will be over soon enough.  There is nothing a person like that hates more than being ignored.

Eventually, my guess is though that you’ll either end up limiting time with the friend group because of her or the friend group will choose the same path you did and she’ll be the one cut out.  But in my experience, when two people within the same friend group have irreconcilable differences, eventually one gets pushed out.  It usually isnt even a malicious thing – just a practical thing.  Sometimes it is the doing of one of the involved parties (starting to avoid situations where the other is also involved) and sometimes it is the group (“Remember the last time they were together? Ugh. Ok, let’s just invite person X to this dinner party this time.”).  

Surely she must have some redeeming qualities if someone chose her to be a bridesmaid.  What does the rest it the friend group say or think about this.  Why do they tolerate her behavior and have not cut her out yet either?

Post # 5
Member
572 posts
Busy bee

I had to cut out a toxic friend around two years ago. We had been friends in high school and then later on found ourselves working at the same place. And I feel a bit bad because she considered me her “best friend” (but only when she needed me to vent about how unfair her life was) while I mainly considered her an acquaintance, someone I hung out with on occasion. But I tried to be the best friend I could to her without getting too close because she always had a lot of drama. 

I drew the line when she started badmouthing my relationship and contacting my SO on Facebook, telling him that he wasn’t right for me and I would get tired of him eventually because he just wasn’t mature enough (he had an issue with jealousy at the very beginning of our relationship) while I myself had stayed out of her business while she was cheating on her husband with just about everyone we worked with.

After this she and her sister, who I had also been friends with and who also always had a lot of drama going on, started talking about me to their mom and stepdad – who I had known since I was like sixteen and should have known better but I guess the apple doesn’t fall too far – and to our boss – who was friends with their stepdad. They would also do that petty, side-eye shit whenever they saw me. I honestly just ignored it.

When I cut that toxic mess out of my life, I cut it all the way out. That includes caring about their petty bullshit.

Post # 7
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

she knew she could get your attention by bad-mouthing you in front of the others. don’t bother thinking or even take action about that. the more you didn’t pay attention to her or get mad at the things she is saying about you, the more she is frustrated and would finally set it all down.

Post # 8
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee

Oh.  Well, then it sounds like you distancing/removing yourself from this friend group (except the one you actually are close to) seems for the best once this wedding is done.  I don’t trust people who treat human beings like replaceable props, so this is probably a case of birds of a feather flocking together.

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