Post # 1
Just wanted to vent/discuss this topic..
So last year, I decided to cut off a toxic friend (let’s call her A) I had because she was always trying to tear me down, could never be happy for me, had her own insecurities/issues and she would put it out on others, etc. Somewhere deep down and past that, she does mean well and there were times where she did try to be a good friend.. so I think that’s why I stayed friends with her for 4 years. But last year was when I decided I didn’t want to be friends anymore because she was really nasty to me at one point when we were hanging out. But problem is, we are both part of a bridal party for an upcoming wedding so while I don’t care to see her anymore, I have to (until the wedding is over).
While attending the bridal shower party, A was clearly upset that I was there (I could see her side eyeing me, giving me dirty looks, etc.) but I didn’t care for it. I minded my own business and was social at the party and tried to enjoy my time. Then, I recently learned that multiple people at the bridal party(including my boyfriend) received second-hand aggressiveness from A because I am close friends with them (I know, this is super immature, childish, and PETTY which I can’t even believe). Not only that, apparently she was going around bad mouthing me and calling me names, saying how I looked/dressed like a wh*re at the party (it was a summer bbq type of event so I wore a romper) and while it is comical and laughable, I can’t shake off this uneasy feeling. I’m trying to not let it bother me but I just don’t understand how someone can be so nasty, rude, and have so much anger like that?? It’s been a year and this is not the only time something like this has happen as she consistently can’t seem to shake off her nastiness for the sake of being civil at major events like this.
I really wish I can just go on and live my life and not have to ever interact or see her, but I have one more last commitment (the wedding) which I am dreading.
I’m not going to lie, it’s been tough being the bigger person and having to always walk away and not stoop down to her level, just because she thinks she can say or do whatver the [email protected] she wants without consideration of others around. I can say it doesn’t bother me and for the most part it doesn’t, but there is still a part of me that is slowly breaking the patience I have and making me WANT to hate her.
Any of you Bee’s been in the same situation or have a similar story to share?
Post # 2
Just take comfort in the fact that she looks like a petty child while you look like a mature adult dealing with a sh*tty situation. I’m sure everyone else saw through her words and actions and just brushed them off. She’s making things awkward for everyone, not you.
Post # 3
khloemichelle : I had to cut off a toxic “friend” a couple years ago and at first, any time she saw me, she would be outwardly rude. Doesn’t help that we work in the same building (different teams though, thank goodness). As hard as it was, I just ignored it. The best revenge is living your best life. Hang in there, bee. You have one more event with her and then hopefully you’ll never have to see her again. Continue to be the bigger person and don’t feed into her toxicity. She wants a reaction from you, so the less you react, the more mad she’ll be and the less stressed you’ll be.
Post # 4
It might not matter either way, but just for context, and you ghost her or did you actually explain things to her when you decided to end your friendship with her?
But for the most part you just keep on keeping on. The wedding will be over soon enough. There is nothing a person like that hates more than being ignored.
Eventually, my guess is though that you’ll either end up limiting time with the friend group because of her or the friend group will choose the same path you did and she’ll be the one cut out. But in my experience, when two people within the same friend group have irreconcilable differences, eventually one gets pushed out. It usually isnt even a malicious thing – just a practical thing. Sometimes it is the doing of one of the involved parties (starting to avoid situations where the other is also involved) and sometimes it is the group (“Remember the last time they were together? Ugh. Ok, let’s just invite person X to this dinner party this time.”).
Surely she must have some redeeming qualities if someone chose her to be a bridesmaid. What does the rest it the friend group say or think about this. Why do they tolerate her behavior and have not cut her out yet either?
Post # 5
I had to cut out a toxic friend around two years ago. We had been friends in high school and then later on found ourselves working at the same place. And I feel a bit bad because she considered me her “best friend” (but only when she needed me to vent about how unfair her life was) while I mainly considered her an acquaintance, someone I hung out with on occasion. But I tried to be the best friend I could to her without getting too close because she always had a lot of drama.
I drew the line when she started badmouthing my relationship and contacting my SO on Facebook, telling him that he wasn’t right for me and I would get tired of him eventually because he just wasn’t mature enough (he had an issue with jealousy at the very beginning of our relationship) while I myself had stayed out of her business while she was cheating on her husband with just about everyone we worked with.
After this she and her sister, who I had also been friends with and who also always had a lot of drama going on, started talking about me to their mom and stepdad – who I had known since I was like sixteen and should have known better but I guess the apple doesn’t fall too far – and to our boss – who was friends with their stepdad. They would also do that petty, side-eye shit whenever they saw me. I honestly just ignored it.
When I cut that toxic mess out of my life, I cut it all the way out. That includes caring about their petty bullshit.
Post # 6
annabananabee : Thank you for your response! You are right and I almost forgot about that – all she wants is a reaction from me so I’d keep continuing to ignore while she can continue on being the hateful, petty person she is.
And you hit the nail about limiting time with the friend group. It is me that is limiting myself from the group (I’m OK with that) because I moved out of state anyways and it’s actually better this way. I am close (but not THAT close) with the others in the group, except for 1 other bridesmaid who I grew closer since this bridal party drama. Part of the people that received second-hand aggressiveness in my OP was that other bridesmaid and the bride’s cousin, who both told the bride what was going on. Since the bride is so in her own world with the upcoming wedding, she kind of just brushed everything off (which I understand but still). I’d say this bridal party has been a nightmare with nonstop drama and won’t go into much other details, but everyone does seem to know what kind of person A can be but because A was asked to be a step in/replaced moh (since A was the only available one), the bride and groom just want someone to fill the role and doesn’t care for anything else.
Post # 7
she knew she could get your attention by bad-mouthing you in front of the others. don’t bother thinking or even take action about that. the more you didn’t pay attention to her or get mad at the things she is saying about you, the more she is frustrated and would finally set it all down.
Post # 8
Oh. Well, then it sounds like you distancing/removing yourself from this friend group (except the one you actually are close to) seems for the best once this wedding is done. I don’t trust people who treat human beings like replaceable props, so this is probably a case of birds of a feather flocking together.