Post # 16
I don’t feel that you have to eliminate everything because of your parents.
1. plan to walk myself down the aisle or have a friend do it.
2. toasts can be broken up (and, to me, are best when short). If your fiance wants his best man to speak- I’d have him to do that. If he wants his parents to speak, I’d just call it a family toast- or, give them a short reading during the ceremony.
3. His mom may really want to have a mother son dance- how does he feel about this? If it is important to them, I’d let them just do it. I don’t think anyone will be concerned that there are not a whole bunch of separate dances. If you are concerned, you could dance with your future father in law while they dance? I’d probably just opt to watch fiance and his mother dance if it was me.
You have to do what makes you feel comfortable, but I wouldn’t automatically cut things that you or your fiance may want because of your parents. My fiance really wanted a family processional- I don’t really have any family. My son walked me down the aisle and two of my friends and his fiance walked down the aisle as my “family”. It all worked- we just reinterpreted things a little to work for us.
What I wouldn’t do, given how they’ve acted, is count on them to suddenly mature and partciapte. I’d act as if that was not going to happen and plan accordingly.
I’m sorry that you are having to deal with all this! Good luck to you! Your wedding day will still be great! Mine may have been different than I anticiapted, but it as wonderful!
Post # 17
Nope – they won’t be missed at all! Good on you for planning ahead and for your resolve to not be bullied!
Post # 18
Hi. You totally can cut them out, it’s your wedding. I cut out parent toasts (let Father-In-Law do one at the Rehearsal dinner as he was cohost and really wanted to )
I tried to cut out the dances becuase I am not close to my dad, he didn’t offer to pay a cent towards the wedding so I didn’t feel I “owed” him if I wasn’t feeling it. But he is very sick and had some major problems flying in for my wedding. On his layover in a another city he ended up hospitalized for two nights. He did make it to the wedding but he was very weak, on oxygen, etc. During the wedding my half sister his daughter comes up and says Dad wants to know if he can do the father daughter dance. I was dead set against it before then, but in the moment I was like “sure, why not”. So it sort of happened on the fly. But when I planned the wedding it was not on the schedule and everyone (My Coordinator, my DJ, my bridal party) knew and was on board with that decision. The nice thing is that it was super easy to just do it when I decided to, so you could also know that’s a possiblity.
I didn’t do a bouquet toss becuase I was having too much fun and didn’t feel like switching gears. I didn’t have my dad walk me down the aisle. There are so many things “traditonally done” that you can skip and it will all be fine! It’s your wedding, do what you want!
Post # 19
my two brothers walked with me. Otherwise I was going to walk alone. I’m a feminist in an egalitarian relationship so that made a lot more sense to us.
Post # 20
That’s so cute! I’ve also seen the groom meet the bride half way. Then they are walking into the marriage together, I thought that was nice symbolism as well.
Post # 21
We are cutting out speeches, they’re boring lol! And we only the the father daughter dance
Post # 22
Our family drama was not as crazy as yours, but Mother-In-Law and Father-In-Law did plenty of things to make us abandon all faith that they would act like adults. We cut all dancing and speeches. Fit well with our wedding and no one cared.
Post # 23
We had some family issues at our wedding – not because of that though we pretaped speeches. We had a family friend who is a videographer did a real of speeches and getting to know you questions .. it was a big hit. We had two live speeches , my sister (which took forever and was exactly what I was trying to avoid by taping it) and my Mother-In-Law (who had declined to give a speech until the last moment, I wish she sat her ass down instead as well).
In short.. do what you want and what pleases you! I didn’t want to do any dances because my Mother-In-Law actually said she wasnt attending the wedding the week before my I had my sister as the day of coordinator and she requested the DJ do it anyway last minute.
Post # 24
Thanks for everyone’s advice!
Fiance was fine with cutting the speeches, since he doesn’t think his best man (his brother) will care about whether he speaks or not. And I don’t have a Maid/Matron of Honor and don’t want my dad to speak (the FOB is the other customary speaker). I don’t think anyone will care and everyone will probably want to get started with their dinner anyway.
But the parental dances are trickier. Fiance is going to ask his mom if she wants to do a mother son dance. I know it would be selfish of me to deprive them of it just because my father is selfish and refuses to do it if my sister isn’t in my wedding party. So if his mom wants to do a mother son dance, they can have their moment. Maybe I’ll opt to dance with my bridesmaids during what would have been the father daughter dance… ugh.
Post # 25
They don’t need a spotlight dance to dance together. Maybe get Fiance to ask Mother-In-Law what song she’d like to dance to, have the DJ have it in the queue, and when it comes on they can have a dance together. It won’t bring attention that you aren’t having one, and tbh it’s a lot nicer for guests rather than sitting through another spotlight dance.