Cutting parents out of your lifeposted 6 months ago in Family
- 6 months ago
lifeisbeeutiful : I did not mention getting any therapy with abusers. Also, we do not really know if op’s perants are abusers. We only read a few sentences where she claims certain things about them without details. I think there are relaible sources out there who can decide for her if her parents are abusers or if she is just a difficult child or a mixture of both. All I suggested for her is to figure it out through therapists or other reliable sources and take their advices on the matter. Maybe therapy would be a solution, may be not but I think it is very risky to give extreme advices simply from reading a few sentences that are one sided. Again, if you read my comment, I do not mention to get therapy with her “abusive” parents.
- 6 months ago
I haven’t spoke to my controlling co-dependent narcissitc mother in over a year now. I’ve tried to repair our relationship over the year, even gone to therapy with her – it didn’t help. She is unwilling to change and will always be this way. I went to therapy along and also an ex-boyfriend who strangly was a recovering alcoholic showed me that I was being mentally abused and it was not ok. That’s when I finally stood up for myself. It also led me to my wonderful current boyfriend soon to be fiance. The last straw was when I moved to another state to live with my boyfriend. She would constantly call me and purposfully get into an argument and blame me for being disrespectful and starting the argument (she has a lot of her own issues – but not an excuse)
you may have to really pay attention to yourself, seek some therapy and read some self-help books for you to realize that you are in a toxic relationship.
Try reading the book Co-Dependent No more – it’s VERY helpful.
I feel like my life changed tremendously and I started living my life with positivy, laughter and love once I cut my mother out of my life. Yes, I think about her and wish her well -but I nor anyone else does not deserve to be abused by their parent no less anyone else in the world.
Good luck & Be Strong!!
- 5 months ago
- Wedding: June 2019
odaile1 : I agree that it’s important to look into what is defined as abuse. It’s taken years for me to accept that I was abused. Emotional abuse is more difficult to accept than physical because the abuse is less concrete. I didn’t feel as though I should include why/how they were abusive because I didn’t wnat that to become the main topic of this thread. It’s hard to explain 21 years worth of abuse in a concise paragraph without leaving holes. It took me a while to really come to terms with it even after years of close friends/ family telling me they were abusive. One day I heard my mom talking about something someone else had said and how she stood up for them and that she wouldn’t tollerate abuse… but the words she was claiming were abusive were all words she had said to me. Again, that one incidence isn’t why they’re abusive. There’s so much more than that but that conversation helped me to accept it. I also have a sister who is several years younger than me and though we’ve had very different experiences she also knows they’re disfunctional at best. I recognize the abuse in their relations with others as well as in their treatment of animals. Lastly, I forgot to add it up at the top but I have also done research as to what qualifies as abuse and have begun an online program by the ASCA which goes into depth of each type of abuse.
Edited to add: My sister and I have had very different experiences because we are 5 years apart, I spent the majority of my growing up in a very very small town and she spent her years in a city when we moved. We have different personalities. As far as being a “difficult child goes” like you’d mentioned… she’s actually done way more than I ever did but she’s just sneakier. Neither of us were a part of illegal activities of any sort though and were pretty goody goody by the book. I also tend to form my own opinions and she just does whatever people say. She’s always been good at everything and I’ve always had to try harder. But none of those things are reasons or excuses for abuse.
- 5 months ago
brideandblue : It’s grat that you have done research about emotional abuse and got into a program by the ASCA to help you deal with it. Like I mentioned earlier,with deep topics it’s better to get professional or reliable advice than asking well intentioned people who don’t know about your situation for help. My advice is still the same that I gave you – get a reliable person who has the knowledge and experience to help you with this situation before it gets messier. As you mentioned, it’s not easy to write about these issues in small sentences and there are different types and levels of abuse. One wrong advice from a very well interioned person who thinks she has a similar situation could lead you to worsen the situation. My friends who are professional counsellors and experts in the field of counselling have pointed to me that people often come to them when it’s too late and lots of damage is already done. There are also reliable websites and articles who offer advice on this subject. Ultimately, the choice is your’s. You will have to make the decisions no matter what the experts will tell you. I hope things get better for you with whatever you decide.
- 5 months ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I can relate to a degree. I’ve recently become engaged to a British lad (i’m from Australia) and my parents haven’t got around to congratulating us – my mum in particular has a negative personality, and can’t handle the fact that I have been living in the UK for the last couple of years and now am engaged to a Brit. She’s more worried about the fact that me getting married means I’ll never come home and that i’ll be here forever. It is so so hard to deal with at the moment, especially as it was Christmas day i got presented with a ring. The best words I could hear from them right now would be ‘congratulations on your engagement, we wish you a happy future together’. I don’t know what their reaction will be when I finally ring them on my birthday in 2 days time. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but be assured you’re not alone. xx
- 4 months ago
- Wedding: June 2018
I’m not sure if this was the thread I thought it was since there hasn’t been any updates in 2 months. I swear when I’m on mobile I see different threads then when I go on the computer to comment I can’t find them. If I end up finding the other thread I’ll fix this.
I have a no contact relationship with my dad currently. I was never super close to him growing up but would visit for holidays and birthdays. After he divorced my stepmom, things were ridiculous. He would call me constantly and talk poorly about my step mom but I would never hear from him besides that. Some things happened in the early fall then made me block him and delete him out of my life.
My mom is extremely self centered. She’ll call to talk to me but will ignore everything I saw so she can vent. She will throw tantrums if she doesn’t get her way. She’s been an alcoholic my whole life and it’s awful.
I’ve noticed that I’ve carried similiar patterns with relationships into adulthood. I have had the flakiest friends who lean on me when they need me then ignore me.