(Closed) Cutting the Guest List Help

posted 10 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I was/am. My FI’s family is just way bigger than mine. Unfortunately, my parents are footing the bill for the entire thing. My mom CONSTANTLY bitches about how unfair it is that FI’s family gets to invite so many more people and she’s paying for it. I wish I would’ve put my foot down with my Future Mother-In-Law. Most of the people are people who "need" to be invited (family) and won’t actually show up (it’s a "destination" wedding), but I still should have said no.

I’d tell her that you’re sticking with her original list for the wedding and then invite her to have a party on her own after the wedding is over for those who didn’t make the cut (that way people who are invited to the shower are still invited to something). It should be her party to throw — she’s the one who made the mistake, not you guys.

Post # 4
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I agree with Rebecca…just let her know that she has X number of people (make it at or a bit below your parents) and she is more than welcome to have a party AFTER the wedding for the rest of her guests. Don’t let her strong arm you into something because she was in bad form by inviting them to a shower. 

Post # 5
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

If they were invited to the shower, etiquette says it would be very rude to not be invited to the actual wedding.  I would be upset as a guest if I got cut. But, just to be sure, make sure the people she put on this list are actually the same people she invited to the shower.

Post # 6
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

Have your Fiance take his parents money in advance…if they offer to pay…LET THEM PAY…don’t feel bad if they guilt trip you…if money is sooo tight they shouldn’t invite more people than they could afford!

P.S. LET YOUR Fiance HANDLE HIS PARENTS, you don’t say a peep.

Post # 7
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I 100% agree with V.   If your Future Mother-In-Law wants to invite more guests than you originally agreed to, then they should pay for those extra guests. 

Post # 8
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Traditionally people invited to the shower are also invited to the wedding.  However, if that’s not possible or reasonable, inviting them to the reception is just fine.  So it’s perfectly okay for you to tell your Future Mother-In-Law that you’re going with the original guest list, which is what you can afford and had planned on.  And given that it is traditional for shower guests to be invited to a reception, it would be fine with you if she wants to host an additional cocktail or open-house type reception for the friends and family that she invited to the shower who were not on the original wedding guest list.  And I agree with V – you don’t have to be the bad guy here.  It should be your Fiance, or you and he together, who have the discussion with Future Mother-In-Law – not you alone. 

And I wouldn’t worry too much about the etiquette issues.  They are her friends and family – she threw the shower, and invited people she ought not to have.  It’s not your job to make up for her breach of etiquette.  If she elects not to throw an additional reception, and you ever hear a word about it, just explain politely that the guest list for the wedding was already set when the shower was thrown, and while you felt bad about it, you didn’t have any input into the guest list for the shower, and really couldn’t change the guest list for the wedding at that point in time.

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