(Closed) Dad and FI butting heads on religious ceremony!! :-(

posted 7 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you should double check with your church that your Fiance needs to be confirmed. Maybe he does but it would help you in this situation so much if you knew what your church expected. People can sometimes be easily misinformed. 

For example, everyone keeps telling me that Fiance & I can’t get married in the Catholic church. I am Orthodox Christian and he is Catholic. This is absolutely not true, we would just need the permission of my church and some other things and it’s fine. 

Otherwise speak with both your father and your Fiance, explain to your Fiance the situation and maybe he’ll come around. 

Post # 4
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I can’t give you too much religious advice, since I’m an atheist (who was raised Catholic), but I can tell you that I was the Maid/Matron of Honor in a Catholic church wedding and I am not confirmed. The church never asked if I or the best man were confirmed.  The groom was not Catholic, but they did do pre-cana before they got married.  Hope that helps a bit!

Post # 5
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Nope, that’s not true. Proof: I am a Catholic who just married someone (legally and in the eyes of the Church) who was neither confirmed nor baptized in any faith. We had a Maid/Matron of Honor but no best man at all, so that’s not a requirement either. Catholics can marry non-Catholics–your friend is mistaken.

Post # 9
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Another person here to say that a Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in the church. She probably had a strict priest who ahd that rule, but not all of them are that way.

 

And I don’t really like the part about how he “REFUSES” to be confirmed. If he doesn’t hold that same belief system it would hypocritical and meaningless for him to be confirmed. I’m guessing you just think it would make your parents happy, but his beliefs really are not their business – no one should want him to be confirmed when he clearly doesn’t hold the beliefs one should have to be confirmed.

Post # 11
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@seppdp12: That’s not true at all. I was a Maid/Matron of Honor for a Catholic wedding and I’m Buddhist. The groom was atheist and just went along with it. As long as one person is Catholic, then you can get married in the church. I think you have to just agree to raise your children Catholic. 

Post # 12
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Miss Tattoo: The Catholic person has to promise to “do all in their power” to raise their kids Catholic. The non-Catholic doesn’t have to promise anything. And though “all in their power” sounds kind of creepy, it doesn’t mean kidnap the kids in the middle of the night to send them to Catholic boarding school; it just means that you should take them to Church, CCD, teach them about God, and if in the end they don’t become Catholic, you aren’t punished for it or anyhting.

Post # 13
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@seppdp12: As others have said, Catholics can marry non-catholics and your Maid/Matron of Honor and Best Man do not have to be Catholic, either. Good news for you!

Also, glad that your Fiance is willing to do pre-cana, because that is a requirement ๐Ÿ™‚

I always respect people who don’t have the same beliefs but can overlook that enough to make it work. It must be hard, but very worth it ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It isn’t your Dad’s wedding. Period. You being an adult means that he needs to respect your wishes and decisions – religion being a huge one among them. Weddings are, in large part, about establishing you and your Fiance as a new family. That means drawing boundaries with family members that are overstepping their mark. Your dad doesn’t get to make this choice for you. Religion is too personal for him to control this aspect of your lives. Where does that control end after marriage? It sets a bad precedent. Nip it in the bud now and move forward with what you and your Fiance want, UNITED.

Post # 15
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

A Catholic can marry a non-Catholic in the Church.

You will not have a full Mass with communion, it is a shorter ceremony.

Most RC Churches will require special “mixed marriage” Pre-Cana classes. Many ask that the non-Catholic attend some RCIA to gain understanding of what Holy Matrimony means to Catholics.

Marriage is a Sacrament and this is extremely important to remember that as Catholics we take this seriously and your parents are looking out for your spiritual well-being in wanting the marriage to be recognized by God.

I am a Catechist, please feel free to message me if you need!

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