(Closed) Dad and Mom want to make a speech at wedding IS THIS OK?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Does my parents telling people that FI and I paid for our wedding in a speech make them look bad?

    Yes

    No

    Mixed feelings

    No one will remember the speech let them do what they want

  • Post # 18
    Member
    8486 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I really don’t see the big deal in thanking people for coming. It’s their daughter; they are happy their friends and family came to celebrate—regardless if they could afford to pay for it or not. It just seems a little petty to me.

    Post # 20
    Member
    848 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @elliptical2013:  I think bringing up finances in the speech will be awkward. It doesn’t matter how the wedding was paid for. They could talk about how proud they are of you and your accomplisments, how much they love your DH and are excited to watch you two grow old together blah blah.

     

    I went to a wedding once where the FOB talked on and on about how he paid for everything and it make the guests pretty uncomfortable.

    ETA: they can also talk about how great it is to have these families coming together and thanking guests for loving and supporting you guys as much as they do… something to that effect. My parents said thanks for coming in their speech at my wedding but it didn’t come across as ” we paid for the wedding so we have to thank everyone” (they didn’t pay for the wedding)

     

    Post # 21
    Member
    764 posts
    Busy bee

    @elliptical2013:  They can say how proud they are of your independence without saying you paid for it all yourself.

    Post # 22
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @elliptical2013:  I think it is okay to thank people even if they didnt pay for it. I have thanked people for coming in Maid/Matron of Honor speeches and I certainly didnt pay for the wedding lol.

    Also, my parents paid for my wedding but they didnt say that in their speech. I think it is very easy to give a speech without mentioning finances. They can just talk about how proud they are of you and how happy they are that you have met someone so wonderful and thank you to everyone who came to support their daughter on her special day.

    Post # 23
    Member
    5360 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @elliptical2013:  Agree with everyone else- they can by all means do a speech about how incredible proud they are of you, how you’re a couple that supports each other and already acting as a family unit who can stand on their own… but they shouldn’t speak about the money for the wedding. Ever. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @elliptical2013:  i dont think it would make them look bad, I just dont understand why they would have to mention it? I am sure you will have a lot of guests that also paid for their own wedding or wont be paying for their kid’s weddings.

    Post # 26
    Member
    1699 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 1997

    @elliptical2013:  You and your parents have a bit of a role reversal. Is this new for them or has it always been this way? Typically parents help their children. However they can’t pay, so they want to say how fabulous you guys are for doing it all  yourself and helping them out fianancially as well. It’s a well meaning brag on you. It’s wonderful that your cousin has financially solvent parents who have paid for their wedding.  However I would stop worrying about what your cousin and others’ think about your parents.  They probably already have a pretty good idea about your parents financial situation (at least the family does) and you can’t control their thoughts. Typically most people don’t have a negative impression of someones financial struggles unless it’s been a pattern of irresponsibility.  You seem a bit embarassed so I wonder if that is the case?

    Best wishes.

     

    Post # 27
    Member
    764 posts
    Busy bee

    @elliptical2013:  I don’t think it would make them look bad. The fact that they mention it shows that it’s not like you asked and they said no. At least where I’m from and my social circle it kind of looks bad if you DID have your parents pay for everything. (Not saying it’s true, just saying that’s how it comes across around here)

    Post # 28
    Member
    4980 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    @elliptical2013:  I really think you are overthinking this.  Looks like you have a while til you get married.  Most people are not really going to remember what was said at a toast or speech at another person’s wedding.

    Post # 30
    Member
    1204 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

    you should add a poll!

    I agree with the PPs that it’s totally ok to let them have a speech but ask them to keep finances out of it.  it’s not like you’re asking them to remove the main topic and leaving them with nothing to say.  there are so many other nice things they could make the speech about.

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