(Closed) Dad and Mom want to make a speech at wedding IS THIS OK?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Does my parents telling people that FI and I paid for our wedding in a speech make them look bad?
    Yes : (29 votes)
    37 %
    No : (14 votes)
    18 %
    Mixed feelings : (14 votes)
    18 %
    No one will remember the speech let them do what they want : (21 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    1204 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

    thanks for the poll!

    for the record, I think people do remember certain speeches!  maybe your cousin or her parents will not be offended, but if they are, they’ll probably never forget. (I actually don’t think the speech would offend them, but it does not hurt to go ahead and leave it out.)

    my mom made a stupid little joke that could be taken the wrong way, and seriously, people have mentioned it to me over two years later. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    457 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I don’t understand, why would your parents mention that you paid for the wedding. In no wedding speech are finances discussed. It’s a general speech thanking people for coming and talking about how proud they are of you and welcoming SI to the family.

    Post # 34
    Member
    880 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    i’ve never heard a wedding speech talk about how things got paid for. maybe thank yous but not specifically about the money. they can say they are proud of you for hosting/putting on such a lovely event maybe?

    Post # 35
    Member
    557 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    Anytime I’ve been to a wedding and the expense/cost of the event was mentioned in a speech, it was extremely gauche. Awkward for the guests in the extreme, even if it was in a joke. As far as I understand it, formal ettiquette discourages any mention of money. IMO, there really isn’t a classy way to do it at a wedding. Charity fundraiser—sure, pat all contributors on the back publically, but at wedding…..nope.

    Post # 36
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Absolutely not! It is nobodyʻs business who is paying for the wedding costs, and there should be no mention of money in any wedding speeches. This is a celebration of your LOVE, not your bank account.

    Post # 38
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think its sweet that your parents are proud of you guys for paying for this yourselves, but i don’t think there is any reason they need to mention it in their speech.  Tell them that money doesn’t need to be mentioned in a speech…there’s no reason for it 🙂

    Post # 39
    Member
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @elliptical2013:  A tradition of many years standing was that the brideʻs parents paid for the wedding and served as the hosts, and the wording of the invitation followed that tradition.

    These days, with our much more complicated scenarios including multiple divorces and remarriages and sometimes several parties chipping in stage the wedding, it generally falls to bride and groom to be discerning and diplomatic about who is listed as host. The hosts on the invitation are no longer indicative of who spent the most money. I have attended several weddings in which the couple paid for everything themselves and yet listed both their sets of parents as hosts.

    It really is nobodyʻs business, outside of those who came to agreement about how the wedding would be funded – and why would anyone want to make that public knowledge?

    Post # 41
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I put all of our parents name’s on the invitations. Not because they were paying but because I wanted them to be included on the invitation.

     I had always seen invitations with the parents names and I saw it as a blending of families instead of calling attention to who paid. I dont think I ever thought of that.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1084 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Maybe have them write something in advance?

    Post # 43
    Member
    1470 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Money should not be brought up in a speech, period. Regardless of who is there. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @elliptical2013:  I think it’s okay, everyone has different circumstances so no one will think your parents are bad talking your cousin. 

    Now if your dad wanted to make a speech in his non-native language and hire a teleprompter to broadcast it in my family’s language in real time  and display it on the wall then you might have a problem, but I’m pretty sure that’s just my dad. ughh.

    sorry for hijacking 🙂 

    Post # 46
    Member
    561 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @elliptical2013:  wedding is in 9 days so we’ll see…..

    It’s so weird. He says they have a translator thing at church so they should be able to install one at my wedding. My wedding is in a historic building. Translator machines cannot just be installed and they are expensve. Also, it’s just really really really weird and “Self-important.”

    so annoying

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